About Me
Invest in America, Buy a congress man.
The more you know, the more you realize how much you don't know -- The less you know, the more you think you know.
By criticizing others we only confront our own weakness.
If voting changed anything they'd make it illegal.
Why is that, as a culture we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than two men holding hands?
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocoties.
Killing one animal is cruelty, killing many animals is science. -- Killing one person is murder, Killing 100.000 people is foreighn policy!
Life isn't about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself!
When religious zealotry infiltrates government oppression is disguised as morality.
The most dangerous place in the world is between a mother and her children.
It is a scientific fact scum always rises to the top.
It will be a great day when all schools have all the money they need and the Airforce has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber.
We are all sexual Beings, its the denial that gets us in trouble!
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to re-model train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo men with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook 30-minute brownies in 20-minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw wherever I go.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I was scouted by Hugh Heffner (but I declined), I have my own Living room Talk show ( I am my most invited guest) I am the subject of numerous ..aries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after dinner, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of used tire evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.
Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using the remains of a fridge cleaning session and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open heart surgery, and I have spoken to the devil.
