J.T.A.S.M.
I miss ur eyes, I miss ur smile, I miss ur voice, but most of all, I miss ur laugh :) I force myself to hold up the tears. I let it build up till I can no longer hold them in. I think about how happy I would get jus' to see or talk to u. I dont kno' what to feel anymore. I've honestly NEVER felt this way about anyone. I don't. Theres really point for all this if I already lost u. Jus' kno' and I really do love u.
This.. is me.
You gaze apon my group and see me. I smile, I joke, I laugh, I play.
But behind it all I am crying. My heart lay within my chest silently sobbing. Shattered a million times yet never knowing love. You see my hard outer shell. My smile and playful laughter but gaze deep within my eyes
and see the truth.Pain. Sadness. Lonelyness all a soul should never know is no stranger to me. I sit quiet, timid and lost alone with my thoughts. There is an empty love here burning like fire forever in danger of waters destruction yet somehow it still burns. This mask is my protection, my brave face for those that need me. But then I say fare-well and cry softly... alone. The mask of a smiler is the item of the sadest human for that is what being human is. To feel emotion. I wish for the ability to break free of this duty to cast away the chains that hold me to weep and sleep eternaly and let the kind darkness caress me. For I am a mask barer. I smile for others and cry for my own for this is all I can do to express myself
If not by a lovers kiss. Life goes on and I live with it
and although I know a great sadness This time I am smiling for real.
All types, EXCEPT RAP.
Pretty much anything. My favorite ones are the ones that make me cry...hehe.
AND
Mi mama.. She raised 6 childern all on her own. And she did a damn good job. Even though it was more like 7 wit' me being the lil. demon in the family...hehe. And believe it or not my cousin Clara. She is/was my mentor in my life style. I do miss her a lot.