P!L! profile picture

P!L!

What hurts the most is being so close and havin so much to say and watchin u walk away and never kno

About Me

My name is Pilar but friends call me Pili. I'm 27 and moved back to Nor*Cal, Lodi,Ca. a lil over a year ago. I can tell u more about myself but thats all about to change. I've learned to trust no one but myself. If u really like to get to kno' me, leave a message.

My Interests



I'd like to meet:

J.T.A.S.M.
I miss ur eyes, I miss ur smile, I miss ur voice, but most of all, I miss ur laugh :) I force myself to hold up the tears. I let it build up till I can no longer hold them in. I think about how happy I would get jus' to see or talk to u. I dont kno' what to feel anymore. I've honestly NEVER felt this way about anyone. I don't. Theres really point for all this if I already lost u. Jus' kno' and I really do love u.

This.. is me. You gaze apon my group and see me. I smile, I joke, I laugh, I play. But behind it all I am crying. My heart lay within my chest silently sobbing. Shattered a million times yet never knowing love. You see my hard outer shell. My smile and playful laughter but gaze deep within my eyes and see the truth.Pain. Sadness. Lonelyness all a soul should never know is no stranger to me. I sit quiet, timid and lost alone with my thoughts. There is an empty love here burning like fire forever in danger of waters destruction yet somehow it still burns. This mask is my protection, my brave face for those that need me. But then I say fare-well and cry softly... alone. The mask of a smiler is the item of the sadest human for that is what being human is. To feel emotion. I wish for the ability to break free of this duty to cast away the chains that hold me to weep and sleep eternaly and let the kind darkness caress me. For I am a mask barer. I smile for others and cry for my own for this is all I can do to express myself If not by a lovers kiss. Life goes on and I live with it and although I know a great sadness This time I am smiling for real.

Music:

All types, EXCEPT RAP.

Movies:

Pretty much anything. My favorite ones are the ones that make me cry...hehe.

Television:

AND

Heroes:

Mi mama.. She raised 6 childern all on her own. And she did a damn good job. Even though it was more like 7 wit' me being the lil. demon in the family...hehe. And believe it or not my cousin Clara. She is/was my mentor in my life style. I do miss her a lot.

My Blog

Si La Quieres

Quieres decirle que la quieres mas que a nadie?Y como amiga que consejo puedo darte?Dile que tu sin ella no podras vivir;Lo que por mi nunca llegaste a sentir.Y en tus ojos puedo ver esa ternura;...
Posted by P!L! on Mon, 01 Sep 2008 10:13:00 PST

Pudo Ser Tan Facil

Pudo ser tan facilPero lo dejaste irPudo mas tu orgulloTu ego tu miedo a ser felizY porque a mi me toca.. sufrir..Si solo te ame de mas& no lo pude evitarY entonces grito, lloro, mueroTodo en silencio...
Posted by P!L! on Sun, 22 Jun 2008 02:53:00 PST

Te Quiero Girl

Check out this video: Te Quiero ..Add to My Profile | More Videos...
Posted by P!L! on Fri, 04 Apr 2008 10:37:00 PST

Tu Tu Tu

Todo cambio en un instante paso cuando te conoci y supe que nada seria igual cuando me enamore de ti No te das cuenta cuando te veo que quiero abrazarte y decirte a besos que eres mi corazon mi pedazo...
Posted by P!L! on Tue, 11 Mar 2008 10:08:00 PST

Inalcanzable

Te siento tan distante y tan cerca a la vezDescifrando tu silencioY entonces me imagino dentro de tu pielPero pierdo en el intentoY por mas que busco darte amorNunca te fijaste en miSi supieras que pu...
Posted by P!L! on Thu, 21 Feb 2008 06:45:00 PST

Solo Para Ti

Eres todo lo que pedíaLo que mi alma vacíaQueria sentir...Eres lo que tanto esperabaLo que en sueños buscabaY que en tí descubrí.Tu has llegado a encenderCada parte de mi almaCada espacio de mi serYa ...
Posted by P!L! on Tue, 19 Feb 2008 07:26:00 PST

Not a mistake but divine accident

Wow.. It has really been a long time since I have written something str8 out of me. There has been many ups and downs in the last 6 months. Not like before I used to write everything down that has hap...
Posted by P!L! on Fri, 15 Feb 2008 10:24:00 PST

All Over You

yeah he's a looker but i really think it's guts that matter mosti displayed them for youstrung out about from coast to coasti am easily make believejust dress me up in what you want me to bei'll take ...
Posted by P!L! on Tue, 12 Feb 2008 09:04:00 PST

I hate Love (She did it wit a kiss.)

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all...
Posted by P!L! on Tue, 12 Feb 2008 07:57:00 PST

Im not afraid...

...of whats to come. Besides.. What are the possibilaties? 3.15.08 @ 1:36am. We'll have to wait and see.
Posted by P!L! on Wed, 30 Jan 2008 01:20:00 PST