My name is Mick Soft and I'd like to welcome you to my virtual cyberskip! Chances are you've stumbled across this site by accident because it's ten to four on a Saturday morning and you've been trapped in a porn cycle for the last six hours and your trembling, jizz-laquered fingers slipped on your pube-infested keyboard, accidentally opened a link to my site and now here you are! Or, if you're a woman, you're probably doing something else like a tarot reading or mending some garden furniture and not watching pornography at all. Women, you see, don't like pornography. This is because they know it's shit. Amazing but true, but apparently they're right - extensive studies into pornography have proved that it's shit. I know. I was astonished myself.
I don't actually use a computer, I'm more of a finger/faeces/shithouse wall man myself. But don't worry, I know what you're thinking. No, really I do. I know what you're thinking and I can see into your brain. Really. It's all beige and mad and smells of javelins. See?Anyway, here's some facts about me:
HEIGHT: Or is it spelt hieght? No, that looks wrong. Must be height. Fuck, now that looks wrong too. Let's try hite. No, that looks worse.
AGE: Hard to say, although I remember being born as if it were yesterday. All that blood and screaming and blinding white light. Hang on a mo, that WAS yesterday!
BOURNE: That Matt Damon, eh? Looks like Michael Ballack crossed with an undescended testicle.
LIKES: A full skip; the wonder of existence; big ladies' veiny funbags
DISLIKES: No drugs; the MAN; ferrets; anal rapeMySpace Backgrounds
