Jack Thompson: lawyer for morality, decency, and removing all blame and responsibility from parents ever. I am not, in fact, as Fox News said the other day, a school shooting expert. I am merely a lawyer who hasn't won a case since the early 90s I do believe. (It's hard to keep track anymore...)I have supported legislation in a number of states that would ban sales of violent and sexually explicit video games to minors. In response to First Amendment concerns, I have argued that the games are a “public safety hazard.†However, I rejected as “completely unconstitutional†Hillary Clinton’s proposed legislation to ban sales to minors of games rated “M†for Mature by the Entertainment Software Rating Board. So basically...I'm a hypocrite.
I also sent a letter to Bill Gates, saying: "Mr. Gates, your company is potentially legally liable the harm done at Virginia Tech. Your game, a killing simulator, according to the news that used to be in the Post, trained him to enjoy killing and how to kill." It actually turns out that Microsoft didn't make the game. But I'm not sending a retraction or an "I'm sorry." Because I'm still right...who's with me?!?!?!Let me tell you a few things: Doom is bad. It's not a video game, it's a trainer!I blame everything that could ever go wrong on video games.Caine killed Able after playing "Stone Thrower" for the Atari -2700 and got the idea to bash his brother's head in with a rock.The Passion inspired the crucifixion, not, as they want you to think, the other way around...and the level of violence in that movie...ewww. You know I wouldn't be surprised if we started seeing school kids whip each other and crucify one another because of this. It's a menace to society!!Wario Ware was Delilah's inspiration to cut Sampson's hair.Adolf Hitler was inspired not by his own mother issues, but by playing "Genocide Tycoon"I really think that every act of violence ever in history was and is caused by video games.The St. Valentine's Day Massacre? The mobsters trained to do a drive by on Grand Theft Auto.The race riots of the 60s? Caused by State of Emergency.Kids bullying kids at school? Me receiving wedgies and swirlies when I was young? That's Rockstar's Bully's fault.
Pac-Man is the single and ONLY reason that people are fat. EVER!I think that the reason that gas prices have risen so high is that the Playstation 3 and plasma TVs run on gasoline. So to punish video gamers, the gas companies have raised gas prices. Unfortunately, we all have to pay the same, but to punish video gamers, I would pay $50 a gallon.I am also responsible for the Ice T "Cop Killer" incident and the 2 Live Crew as well.Every time that I have gone to court to attempt to make a video game a public nuisance I have lost. Every time I have tried to blame video games no judge has bought it. But trust me...it's only a matter of time!!! ONE DAY VICTORY WILL BE MINE!!!!I am not sure if you all are aware of this, but my hatred also extends to movies and music.I blame the Neverending Story for my son believing the unbelievable.I blame the rash of deadly automobile accidents on the movie "Crash." It glamorized street racing and made car crashes seem cool. I mean, c'mon...look at the title. The "crash" is obviously the only reason to see it, just like stealing cars is the only reason to play Grand Theft Auto, right?Dear Gamers and Gamer Publications on the Internet and Elsewhere:I have been praying, literally, that Take-Two and its lawyers would do something so stupid, so arrogant, so dumb, even dumber than what they have to date done, that such a misstep would enable me to destroy Take-Two. With the filing of this SLAPP lawsuit last week, my prayers are finally answered.
This lawsuit, filed in US District Court for the Southern District of Florida, is, without a doubt, the single dumbest thing I have ever seen any lawyers do in my thirty years of practicing law -- while in continuous good standing to do so with The Florida Bar, I might add, the shock radio and video game industry's efforts notwithstanding.
I encourage folks to read Psalm 35, a Psalm of David, which is brilliant in its entirety (since God Himself wrote it), but for those who don't own a Bible or who think their hands will catch on fire if they touch one, here is the salient portion that applies to this lawsuit:
7 For without cause have they hid for me their net in a pit,
which without cause they have digged for my soul.8 Let destruction come upon him at unawares;
and let his net that he hath hid catch himself:
into that very destruction let him fall.9 And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD:
it shall rejoice in his salvation.The pit Take-Two has dug for itself will be patently clear next week when I strike back. Oh, and by the way, the entire Take-Two management and board will be gone on March 23, so this pit-digging comes at a very bad time indeed.
Amen, and Praise be to God Almighty, maker of Heaven, Earth, and yes, the maker even video games.No I am not worried that I won't be able to practice law anymore in the state of Florida or anywhere else. All I'm waiting for is for someone...one person...just one...To actually listen and think I'm right...Check out my super awesome WIKIPEDIA entry (and revel in the Janet Reno parts. I know I still do...)
And now check out some of my "greatest hits":
