Tristia is a five-piece /Hardcore/Emo/Screamo/Thrash band. Remarkably, despite working closely with four other men of the same age, none of the band members have a single friend.
The band (known as "Tristia" to themselves, or "Who the hell are you and how did you get in here?" to owners of jam rooms) began 16 April 2007. Their name is rumored to derive from a quote from “The adventures of Winnie the Pooh Bearâ€, a film that the various band members described as "good but very complicated and probably only for adults".
Many magazine reporters have sat in and listened to a few practices but unfortunately all committed suicide before being able to actually publish anything...
Masochism Weekly put the Demo track in its top five self-harm tools of the year, claiming: "This song is the most efficient new weapon for use against yourself. Whether you have a fetish for blown eardrums or just get off a talent less music butcheryâ€.
Stevan (The Screamer) came in at number eighteen in the South African 2006 Gay Icon poll, with his "feminine looks" and "small, manageable penis" listed among his best features.
Tristia can't actually speak, write or read any known human language, so any form of interview was quite impossible, but linguists have made some progress, and currently believe their incomprehensible garglings are informing fans that "there will be many many albums due in 2007". It is worth noting that a mother who was pushing her baby in a pram past the open window of the jam room jumped, still holding baby, in front of a bus as soon as these words were uttered. Next time we will keep them in a soundproof container, interpreter and all. Or just kill them...
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