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Bolt Conner

About Me

I've lived a heroes existence, which means I've died, had a half-assed entity take my place and then eventually come back. How did I die? That motherfucker, Prometheus V, and I battled in the nether regions of infinite space and... did anyone read the early Warlock comics, because it was a lot like his ongoing battle with The Magus. Confusing, but cool. How did I come back from the abyss of death? Style.

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My Interests

Revenge on my proclaimed future self, Prometheus V.

I'd like to meet:

Greasy bastards, dirty whores, slovenly dressers, cock-eyed fucks, dill-holes, mouth breathers, knuckle draggers, corn-holers, pig-eyes, shit heels, ass-grabbers, runny-nosed nerds, gum-smakin' bitches, loud mouths, fuck sticks, dummies, fatties, chubby fingered midgets, albino asians, and anyone who knows who Stiv Bator is.I can't really complain with the list my proclaimed future self has put together, but I will add one: A green skinned, dark haired, woman of considerable fitness and knife wielding ability. Oh, and she needs to wear a net body suit...

Music:

The death knell of Prometheus V. Oh, and I really dig The Cult. No one rocks a live show like those bastards.

Movies:

The footage of me dismembering my future self, Prometheus V. It hasn't happened yet, but when it does I'll film it and watch it over and over. Then again, if he's my future self, what happens if I kill him... me... I haven't really thought this through... Fuck it. Kill the bastard.

Television:

Yeah, yeah, I enjoy some TV, but I refer to the previous question. I'm a little sidetracked with some deeper issues.

Books:

The Hearty Breakfast Church of the Sane and Simple guide to life and cookbook is in the works.Damn! I was going to say otherwise, but that sonofabitch has some good recipes. Oh, yeah it's out. I've read it. Try the barbeque chicken dishes and the cold soups.

Heroes:

Well...me.Again, damn! It's true. I did come back from the dead... I mean, who the fuck am I going to look up to?

My Blog

All of Yesterday's Tomorrows in One Big Today (Part I)

"It was a take it or a leave it kind of Saturday night," the late Steven Tyler once sang.  Now, I don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean because... well, what does it matter, ...
Posted by Bolt Conner on Sun, 22 Jul 2007 03:11:00 PST

The Heroic Return Of Bolt Conner

Bolt Conner, Modern Man Of Adventure, has saved the world again.  Oh, yes, I have.  Just as another apocalyptic religion was about to fall upon humanity and raze it's cities in the name of b...
Posted by Bolt Conner on Fri, 11 Aug 2006 08:22:00 PST

War On

I WANT A WAR! I don't care if it's a kung fu war or a conventional shoot-em-up and invade war.  I want a fuckin' war. Fuckin' headline stealing Middle East motherfuckers.  You know who you a...
Posted by Bolt Conner on Thu, 10 Aug 2006 08:38:00 PST

Batman Versus The Donger

I was at a meeting of The Modern Men of Adventure today and we were hip deep in a debate over which movie was better: City Slickers II: Curly's Gold or Goonies.  Naturally when I broke out the tr...
Posted by Bolt Conner on Mon, 31 Jul 2006 08:34:00 PST

The Birth of Eunichy

I've received a lot of letters and e-mails from folks wanting to know about Mavis and how she did against the gorillas.  Oh, yeah, there was more than one.  Those sonsabitches don't fight fa...
Posted by Bolt Conner on Mon, 03 Jul 2006 01:25:00 PST

A Summer Quest

Release The Kraken and let it destroy all those who walk the land...or just keep the party started because I have happened upon a reason for living this Summer.  I HAVE A QUEST! For those of you ...
Posted by Bolt Conner on Sun, 02 Jul 2006 11:19:00 PST

Worst Haircut...Ever

The last several years have brought on one of the...no, the stupidest looking haircut of all time.  I'm speaking of men's haircuts, of course, as the menagerie of female coiffeurs is incalculable...
Posted by Bolt Conner on Wed, 07 Jun 2006 10:32:00 PST

Let Me Overnerd You

I was talking to my brother the other day and the subject of Peter Parker's/Spiderman's love interests came up.  How?  I can't remember and it is probably integral to the story, bu...
Posted by Bolt Conner on Thu, 18 May 2006 01:31:00 PST

My Cat Can Kick Your Ass

I've got a pit-fighting cat.  Well, at first I didn't, but read on there's a story that explains everything.  I had her, Mavis, that's my cat's name, pulling tires and hanging from the...
Posted by Bolt Conner on Tue, 09 May 2006 06:07:00 PST

Commitment to a Cause

I say, when are those Pro-lifers going to grow a collective backbone and make a stand? This morning I awoke to the Monty Python song "Every Sperm is Sacred" lolling around in my head.  And t...
Posted by Bolt Conner on Mon, 24 Apr 2006 01:18:00 PST