Bryan - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Connie: You know Meg, there's no dogs allowed here. So, you're going to have to leave, but Brian can stay.

Brian: You know, Connie, I think I have a theory why you're such a bitch.

Connie: Excuse me?!

Meg: Brian, let's just go...

Brian: No no no no no, nah, now hang on a... Hang on Meg, hang on... You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and you started giving handjobs when you were 12. But now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by the time that you're age 19, you're going to be a worn out chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want.

How's that? Am I in the ballpark?

My Interests

Gin Rickies. Kool Milds. Bass. Golf. The 70s. Bad Music.

I'd like to meet:

Me on the Late Late Show (kinda)...

Music:

Nick Heyward. Haircut 100. Bad Religion. Elton John. Elvis Presley. Burt Bacharach. Ramones. Weird Al Yankovic. Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. Social Distortion. Air Supply. Motley Crue. Ian Hunter. Neil Sedaka, Bill Haley, Andrew WK. Elvis Costello. George Jones. The Waitresses. Huey Lewis and the News. Jackson 5. Louis Jordan. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. The Mustachio Gentlemen.

Movies:

Star Wars. The World According to Garp. Babe.

Television:

South Park. Tim and Eric. Modern Marvels. Voltron. Battle of the Planets. The Naked Archaeologist. The Office. Robotech.

Books:

The Foot Book. The Hungry Caterpillar. Horton Hatches an Egg.

Heroes:

None.

My Blog

Words of wisdom from the campaign trail

Here's a great set of quotes from the Presidential campaign trail. Why can't we get a free thinker like this guy elected! --- QUOTE ---Let us have an American foreign policy that reflects America...
Posted by Bryan on Thu, 02 Oct 2008 04:37:00 PST

Answer to the President

---------------------------- Original Message ----------------------------Subject: My Answer to the PresidentFrom: "Congresman Ron Paul" Date: Thu, September 25, 2008 2:52 pmTo: ------------...
Posted by Bryan on Mon, 29 Sep 2008 10:51:00 PST

Bryan in Honolulu

So I was supposed to get on a plane Tuesday morning at 6:23 AM to go to Newark to catch an 11:15 flight to Tokyo. The cab picks me up at my house at 4AM Tuesday morning. While checking in, the little...
Posted by Bryan on Wed, 10 Sep 2008 11:51:00 PST

Guess I’ll live forever...

...
Posted by Bryan on Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:17:00 PST

Humiliating Spam

So I just got this spam from a "23 year old". What? Am I really that old that I should be the subject of "hot mom" solicitation? Egad!Hey stud muffin! My mom's lips are registered weapons.She'd like t...
Posted by Bryan on Sun, 10 Aug 2008 10:10:00 PST

Bryans new tattoos

New tattoos, not colored yet. If anyone tells you that getting tattooed in the 'ditch' of the elbow doesn't hurt, they're lying....
Posted by Bryan on Thu, 07 Aug 2008 03:11:00 PST

Food in Japan

So, I've done some traveling in my time. And let me tell you, I've eaten some sick shit. I'm now on my ninth trip to Japan in the last few years. I think my first truly revolting food life-experi...
Posted by Bryan on Wed, 05 Mar 2008 01:12:00 PST

Oh, Jane!

Always the charmer, always just saying the right thing......
Posted by Bryan on Fri, 15 Feb 2008 07:15:00 PST

IF ELECTED, I PROMISE TO...

Sometimes politicians come up with strange campaign promises. It rarely gets them elected, but it does make for good reading... "I never vote for anybody. I only vote against." -- W.C. Fields PO...
Posted by Bryan on Sun, 06 Jan 2008 01:16:00 PST

The Holidaze

To all of my friends (even the jewish ones) this lovely holiday season. Merry fucking Christmas! And a happy New Year too. If your year was great, hooray! If it wasn't so good, buck up little camper, ...
Posted by Bryan on Tue, 01 Jan 2008 09:22:00 PST