PREVIOUSLY ON AY-MEH THE LLAMA:
In the depths of someone’s closet lay a lonely llama. The llama answered to the name of Amy and really enjoyed eating string – brown string.
Being kidnapped from the local ornament stall at a young age, this llama did not know the proper ways a llama was supposed to live its life. A small implant into a leg-like limb allowed her to follow the examples of human teenage life. On-demand replays of television shows let Amy jot down in her mind the manner of which human people lived and interacted. Unfortunately, the only shows she could watch were Neighbours and Home & Away. She learned everything she knows from these television shows – from school life to running across a beach.
Sick of sitting in a cupboard looking at her tel-limb-vision, she set out on a life to replicate these teens and attend a normal high school near the beach and provide a half-hour’s entertainment every weekday. She found her way out of the cupboard and house easily but realised there was no beach to be found for many kilometers. Still determined to go to the human people’s school, she sewed herself a human girl costume out of newspaper and enrolled herself in year 11 at McGuire College.
This is her story…
AND NOW FOR YOUR SECOND INSTALLMENT, 18 MONTHS ON...
It appeared that the llama was out of control, including but not limited to hoofing doctors, hoofing vicars and hoofing little girls out of shops. School life was not as the llama had thought it would be – badly acted school-based scenarios (as found in Neighbours and Home and Away) were nowhere to be seen.
So this llama was forced to adjust.
Surrounded by sexually active adolescent class mates, the llama was inspired to live a more interesting way of life. The llama began with smooth talk, attempting to lure human males into the act of llama loving. When this failed, she became impatient and within a month rape reports had gone up 168% at the high school alone.
This sparked great interest from local veterinarians. Through extensive research, blood tests, DNA tests and cycling proficiency tests, they soon discovered it was not a human girl they were dealing with – it was a llama.
Figures at the school were then specified to state that llama rape incidents had gone up 42%. To avoid being arrested, Ay-Meh created a new human girl costume out of newspaper – this time predominantly pages out of the Herald Sun, as she knew no one with any credibility would want to go near her by choice.
Ay-Meh was suspended from school while doctors attempted to cure strains of the STDS chllamydia, syphllamis and llamacroid present in many of the raped victims. Ay-Meh was forced to rethink her ways. Whatever happened to the happy little llama that just enjoyed eating brown string? She booked herself into an abattoir to get herself “fixed upâ€.
When she realized this was not an appropriate venue for minor surgery she immediately booked herself into a hospital.
By this stage she was no longer hunted by police so she recreated her initial human girl costume to wear to the hospital. Ay-Meh had accepted the fact that her life would never imitate that of the D-grade celebrities found on Neighbours and Home and Away, so she requested that her tel-limb-vision be removed. She informed the doctor of her many raping experiences and also requested Impllamnon be administered in lieu of the tel-limb-vision. The doctor happily obliged and now Ay-Meh is back at school, roaming around fairly content with things.
What will happen next? I’m not sure. It'll most likely come in another one and a half years when I can be bothered writing again.
