Manny

Intro Well, what can I say on this..... its been a few years since written anything personal, let along make any big changes to this page. A lot has changed since then so its about time I stopped my procrastination and made some alterations for the better. First of all, as for my status, I’m deeply involved with a wonderful woman whom I feel blessed for being present for her ever waking moment. Once you can really see a person for who they really are deep down inside, and love them completely regardless of any differences, does life take on a new meaning. Your eyes are then open and you begin to notice all the slight intricacies they themselves might not even be aware of. These slight intricacies are what really leave their mark and in their presence, do you find yourself smiling inside. I never thought this would’ve happened to me so soon but I have no regrets. This relationship and my love keep growing with each passing day. Being in love has in a way altered my way of thinking. My outlook on life and spirituality have really grown the past two years. I no longer take things for granted and I try to cherish every breath I take. I’ve noticed that there is a lot in my mind that in the past I’ve always suppressed, thinking to myself that everything that goes unsaid will present themselves in the future. Yet the future is not guaranteed. In light of that, I think I should now take the time to address my friends and family, the purpose of this rant. Since moving to New York, I’ve rarely got time to see or speak to many, if not all, of them. I’m not really much of a phone person either so calling them from time to time would just feel awkward on both our parts. I manage to make it down to Jersey every once in a while but that has become more difficult with all my obligations here in New York. I’d just like to take this time to let them know that I got love for all of them and their well being are always on my thoughts. Even though we haven’t spoken, no friendship has been lost. I’ll always be here for each and every one of you. I think I’ll leave it at that for the time being. There are many other topics I’d enjoy getting further into but that is better left for my usual subjective writings. . Pics I know this is what most of you people are goin to look at, hope you like the pics. Sorry they all look the same but I only have ma webcam for now, overtime I..ll put up some pics from around town and chillin. . TruthLiesn1seyes The bottome is a lil something I wrote, read it if you like, dont matter to me if you dont though lol. Wonder what type of reaction Ima be gettin from this though lol.Truth Lies in Ones EyesLook into my eyes and tell me what you see. Do you see a man and nothing more? If so, can you please look a little deeper. Forget everything you think to be real. Shut out all physical aspects and details you see for what you see is not the truth. What you see is nothing more than an image put forth to ease the mind in its attempt to grasp reality. Once youve done so, look into my eyes. Do you see a man and nothing more? Do you see the pain Ive been through? Do you see my never ending attempts to do good in the face of life and its misleading portrail of me and who I am. Do you see the so called "love" thats been brought upon my life? The love thats a punishment as much as it is a bleesing. Do you see life passing me by, the neglection it seems to put forth? Nah, no one will ever look into my eyes and see me for what I..m worth. In one..s absence in life is when ones individual.. self worth will be felt by others. The pain you feel in someone..s loss is the sudden rush of acknowledgement, the acknowledgement of thier true existence and sudden lack there of. As I sit and stair at myself in the mirror, I realize that I alone will be the only one to ever look into my eyes and see the truth. For, in life, I can only be sure of one thing and one thing only, and that is myself and what is incorperated in the developement of "myself". The key to finding the truth lies in not just the mind but also the heart, not the heart in the physical sence but the heart in the spiritual sence. When the heart overshadows the mind, you will feel pain like no other for the heart knows not common sence, yet when the mind overshadows the heart, you will never feel true love for the mind is based on facts and cannot visualize affection. You..ll never reach your life..s full potential untill you manage to balance the mind and soul. I..m not writing this to reach anyone or touch anyone for I know that my thoughts arent much different than yours weather you are aware of it or not. I can care less if you feelin me on this or you just brush this off as an overdramatic call for attention by a neglected individual. My goal in writing this is so that anyone can feel free to add or absorb any given piece of knowledge. Once everyone can better understand themselves can we better understand each other. Look into my eyes and tell me what you see. Do you still see the same man and nothing more or do you not see a man anymore? If you still see a man then your eyes remaned closed and its up to you to cut the strings over your life and exercise your mind. . Rambles 9-27-03 Its a Friday night, more like saturday morning, and ain t nothing poppin. Seems like Ima have to keep it in the crib for the night. Today s one of those few nights where the presence of individuals and peers isn t required. Its basically ma night to let the body rest and the mind go to play. Just me, ma beats, and a bottle of E&J to help simplify and coordinate ma thoughts lol. Sh*ts funny how liqs can f*ck with a person s judgment yet it can also help block out excess thoughts in order to concentrate on the current matter at hand. Anyways lol, time to actually start some writing. Late last night, around 4 something, was laying in bed. Usual situation, nothing new, just waiting on that b*tch sleep to swing through, for some reason she always running late. I decided to pull up a mental seat and share me a few words with ma better half which I guess we can call self to keep things simple. I had all that time in the world to kill since neither of us knew when sleep was coming through. We got into a not to strange conversation piece, one we should all be quite familiar with, love. As we sat there cypherin on ma mental L, in an attempt to reach that so called natural high lol, I asked him where he thought love came from lol but not that family love, but that love we spend our life looking for. A question that might seem trivial to some since most spend most their lives trying to find out what love is lol, let alone where it even came from lol. Funny thing is that he had an answer for me lol. Self told me that love was nothing but a creation of the mind lol. That over the yrs, as people grew more and more complex mentally, they seemed to have gotten bored with the roles brought upon them by nature. The real reason we exist is to procreate. In a nutshell that s the meaning of life lol. To pass on the seed to assure the existence of one s legacy in a way. Basically it used to be survival of the fittest. Self told me that as time went by and people had more and more time on their hands, they begin to actually think, not think to survive but thinking for pleasure. They began to see and measure their own self worth. Indulging in their own greatness. Eventually it got to the point that their own acknowledgment of their self worth was not enough. They wanted to find another to match their uniqueness in every imaginable way, an individual that can also see them for their own greatness, and what better choice is their then to find one to match that and also spread your seed with. So I say, sh*t makes sense lol, it ll be like killing 2 birds with one stone . He continued. The unison of 2 such unique individuals would no doubt give birth to an extraordinary seed, one that not only lives up to one s lineage but also surpasses it in every way. Self told me that as time passed, this search for this significant other was what has become the love we strive for today. Its presence over time has made it a integral part of our individual establishment, so much to the point that its inescapable. I looked at all this that was said to me lol, took another pull out ma L and said lol, dam , self making some dam sense in a way lol I grinned and passed on the L. All the while I laid back, looked up at ma ceiling and thought to myself why is it that it only seems that we alone are capable of experiencing love. How come other species don t express Love to such an extent. Animals have their mates but they are still in the old school mental frame of survival of the fittest. The little attraction they show towards their mate are more a matter of being accustomed to that mate than a matter of love. What if love was really nothing more than a perception our mind has created. We are always trying to give meaning to something, when it has to do with ourselves, it always has to have some spiritual or emotional meaning. Maybe the process of procreation was too basic for us so we had to go about and create love to give it some meaning. But anyways, by that time, sleep finally came through and self had already joined her in the sack. So instead of being the odd ball in the group I joined in on the cause and left this conversational piece for another night. It was finally time for ma body to sleep and ma mind to truly wake up and go about its business in its world we call dreams lol. Since I m already writing on ma thoughts from last night I might as well continue on with a another thing that crept up on ma mind as I drew closer to rest, the truth. What is the truth. A lot of heads say they know what the truth is , what reality really is. They ve said that truth is in the eye of the beholder ( I think lol, don t know, cant really think straight at the moment but the saying is close to that if it isn t already that) and that s true to an extent. All depends on what truth you want to believe in. The truth you create for yourself or the real truth. The saying that it lies in the eye of the beholder falls under the truth you create for yourself. If one lives in denial, creates a bubble around them and only sees things through their eyes, only in relation to themselves then regardless of what s real or isn t, things are going to be taken as fact. The problem with living inside of your own world, your own lil bubble lol is that you can only see the world from inside. You seem to have an idea on how everything works but once something unexpected breaks into your world, your bubble, you panic. People are scared of change in life because the majority of the world is living in their own fabricated lies. This is the root of a lot of our problems in society, racism, indifferences in religion and so on, all because people fail to see the world in third person as apposed to first person. There is nothing wrong with experiencing life in the first person but the key to success is balance. Balance can be applied to anything, balance your perception of the world. You can never truly find the truth if you work on a one track mind. Nothing in life is ever that basic and clear cut, everything has a different meaning when looked upon in different ways. Break out of your bubbles if you living in one, attempt to truly grasp the opportunities graced upon you by your greatest gift, your mind. Why simplify yourself to such basic thinking, why spend years growing up to only realize over time that all you ve done is become half a man. Complete yourselves, realize that your head is the most important part of your body and treat it as such. Just like you exercise your body to make it attractive and what not, do so with your mind. The mind is the most grossly underused aspect of ourselves. It can do so much yet its being used only for trivial everyday bullsh*t, worthless temporary drama. If you still fail to see what I m getting at then let me put it this way. Lets say if you had a dodge viper ( or any other fast high end car of your choice) what would you like to use it for, speeding of course, attaining that rush of adrenaline that can only be attained from a car of that nature. Well lets say your mind is a dodge viper, the majority of the world is putting this car to use for basically parades. All for show , never ever going past a measly 20 mph, never truly reaching its full potential. Anyways, I ve done rambled enough, besides 90 percent (and that s stretching it lol) of the people coming across this wont give it much thought lol. I ll leave it at that though. Till the next time I post something up, stay up people, be safe. P.S. if this ramble seems to feel as if it was cut abruptly short, then sorry but I was getting the feeling as if I was beating a dead horse lol. . The Tree This next thing I wrote is completely different from truth lies In Ones eyes and its more of a story with some truth and symbolism worked into it. I have no idea how people are goin to react to this cuase I aint much of a story teller. This is goin to def get less readin time since its nearly twice as big too. Well to whoever that reads it, hit me up and let me know what you think.The TreeThere is a place where rules don t exist. The sun shines brightly as the clouds cover all Never ending rain falls on an ever dry field Life s loving arm embraces death s cold body Time has little say in the way of life. In these grassy plains otherwise known as my soul lies a tree centered in what seems to be a forest of trees. The trees within this forest are aligned in such a way to form a design. A design that seems to escape the average mind. A design that can only be truly appreciated when looked upon from high above. Upon the desolate tree lies a carving of a heart. Crude in design, it is obvious that it was designed by an untrained hand. The cuts are soft to the eyes yet rough to the touch leading one to believe time has not looked kindly upon it. Within the carving lie 2 things, my name ...and what seems to be the lettering of names long forgotten...scratched off overtime... new names then added upon yet scratched off again...thus leaving a void to be filled. As I looked upon this tree, I felt an uneasy familiarity. It was as if I had been here before and knew it all too well. As I walked closer to the tree, a pain in my chest grew all too strong. I stepped back, fell on one knee, and clinched onto my chest. I looked up at the tree and could see the light shining bright upon the leaves. Water drops trickled down as if they were tears on a baby s face. I sat on the ground and gazed upon the heart within the tree. As time went by the sky got red and a cool wind blew by. A lone leaf broke off of the tree and landed in front of me. I leaned forward to grab it but at the instant of my touch I froze Everything was at a pause, my mind went blank and I saw my love. I saw my first times with her... My first words to her... My first embrace of her love... My first taste of her Love... My first true Love... Time begin to move again and I regained my consciousness as my eyes focused on my true surroundings, the tree. I noticed tears running down my face. My heart had been beating at an irregular rate and my body was warm even upon the cool breeze. I looked down upon my hand and noticed the leave crumpled in my grasp. Its shine and luster were no more, a broken image of what it was. What was left of the leaf blew away with the wind as if taking its place within the overall design. My eyes focused once again on the tree as clouds started to gather and the sky grew darker. Leaves were no longer green and it seemed as if the tree was withering away. I gathered myself and sat back down confused at what had happened. My eyes glazed as I looked out at the horizon. Unknown to me at the time as I was caught up in the moment, another leaf broke off the tree. Again it fell within my grasp. In comparison to its former self the leaf was dry and brown in appearance. I reached out to grab it and yet again froze in place. This time the feelings weren t so pleasant. The sharp pain within my chest resurfaced. Everything was at a pause, my mind went blank and I saw my love I saw the first time she lied to me.. I saw the first time her eyes weren t rested upon me... I saw the first time her touch wasn t mine... I saw love distance itself from my heart... Time begin to move again and I regained my consciousness. As my eyes focused on my true surroundings, the tree, I noticed tears running down my face. Tears not of joy but of pain. I had awoke on my knees, clawing upon the grass as if trying not to let go but there was nothing to let go of. There was nothing there but me and time. I regained myself and looked around at my surroundings. The leaf I once grasped upon was again a crippled image. During my time away, the wind had picked up. This time not blowing around me but what seemed to be through me, chilling me down to the bone. The sky had grown dark and the clouds ominous. Snow flakes began to fall as my eyes once again shifted towards the tree. The tree had been dying in front of my own eyes. One single, shredded leaf clung upon a branch as if for dear life. I stood up to get a better look all the while the tree moved also. The branch holding the single leaf leaned over as if offering a hand. The leaf was now at arms length but before I could grab it. its black, what seemed to be burnt, surface shattered before my eyes. The wind blew the remaining pieces upon my face. Everything was at a pause, my mind went blank and for once I saw nothing My love was nowhere to be seen... There was no love... No warmth... Just darkness... What seemed to be bitter loneliness surrounded my being... Love seemed to be something to look back upon as nothing but a memory... Love seemed to be something unattainable ... Love seemed to be what dreams were made of, what dreams were made for... I awoke ... Shivering, covered in snow, I was still looking upon the tree, more so at the carving, for now there seems to be a name lying under mine. The snow had reached a point where my visibility was hampered. I decided to walk up to te tree to make out the name. The pain in my chest resurfaced and the closer I got the stronger it became. I decided I wasn t going to let it stop me. I walked closer to the tree and began to realize I was bleeding from my chest. I put a hand to my chest to stop the bleeding as I walked on I got but a yard from the carving yet fell flat on the ground. I looked down and noticed something protruding from my chest. I reached under my shirt to get a feel for what it was and pulled it out. A knife lay upon my hands, the reason for my bleeding, it had struck me right at the heart. I hugged the tree as I tried to get my footing again. Now I can make out the name on the carving, it was the name of my Love. The love that was no more. I now realized what the significance of the tree was Why the carving was there to begin with. Why there seemed to be an outline of names and scratches Why I felt one with the tree Why it died as time went by The pain was clear to me now and the knife had grew onto a new meaning. I got a good grip on the knife and began to scratch off her name thus leaving a space. A space for another soul. A space in my heart and soul for me to love again. I kept on scratching till the name was no more. I felt alive once again. The sky cleared and the snow stopped. I stood back up and noticed my job was done there. As I walked away into the never ending horizon the sun began to rise. Turning a new page in my life, ready and willing for me to leave my mark. The sun s raze on my face warmed my soul. The cool breeze cooled my anger. I looked back upon the tree and noticed a leaf had grown back, green in appearance and glistening within the light once again. Looking back upon that I knew my life wasn t over, it was just beginning.. The Reflection I got in the writing mood a while back and came up wit this one. I dont think I..ll be writing for a hot min since I..m getting the feeling that my stories are missing something. I..ll post more sh*t up when Ive got the drive/passion again and when I have come up wit some fresh ideas.The ReflectionThe moon was shining bright that night.....the bitter cold wind flew by with no regard for life as if it was trying to escape its fate. I was standing out in the yard, slightly chilled glass in hand with 2 cubes and rum with a hint of coke. It was around 4 in the morning yet I still couldn t sleep. Memories of my past haunted my mind scaring away my ambition and dreams, clouding my vision of any possible future that lies ahead. After going back inside to get my bottle of rum for the unescapable seconds I was going to be having. I pulled up a seat, kicked ma feat up on the table and lifted ma hoody over my head. Leaning back with glass in hand and bottle at arms reach I started to search within myself for any possible answers to my purpose in life. Why were the simplest things in life so hard for me to grasp. Why does my future which is inevitable seem impossible to reach. I m a puzzle that doesn t seem to quite fit into the grand picture, forever searching for his spot where he can feel right at home. I m basically a player in the game of life yet playing by my own set of rules, refusing to conform to the world s definition of normality. Time has taken everything that was once pure and reshaped them into something this degenerating world can better grasp. Love has become a mere shadow of its former self, grossly misused and misrepresented. Its become nothing more than a marketing ploy used by everyone from corporation, building movies and selling items around the concept in order to exploit our weakness to it, all the way down to the common playa, using it to better represent his self worth all just to get a piece of ass. I opened my eyes for a moment, finished my glass and took in the scenery in order to better appreciate this moment I was having. The wind had frozen my glass to the point that getting more cubes wasn t even necessary, I grinned and laughed at the irony, going into the house to get ice to cool a drink when outside was basically a frig in itself.. I refilled my glass and laid back once more. Hands red and blistered from the cold, I rubbed my red nose. Even though the weather was cold outside, the rum was keeping my body warm. The drink was sneaking up on me so I was finally feeling nice. My mind was more focused than ever since you know a guy has a one track mind and liqs just help accelerate whatever ones thinking. Rejoining my train of thought, I then thought of knowledge and wisdom and the lost art that its become. The road to truly bettering oneself has seen less travelers throughout the years. Only a chosen few choose to revisit time and time again and help bring back its lost luster. Now nothing more than an empty road surrounded by a barren land. We who chouse to cross its unpaved track are the ones planting the seeds to help it grow and hopefully one day become the utopia, the state of euphoria, it truly is. On my quest to better myself I decided to try and look not withing myself but step out and look at myself. Thinking within myself has led me to a dead end. Days passing by no different then the last. Basically I ve been stuck in one long day and I ve just been taking naps periodically. Wondering when this day was going to end and when my life will start anew, when I was going to actually start making progress in life and not just stand still. I closed my eyes once again, took another sip off my glass and visualized myself standing in front of myself. I looked down at me sitting back on the seat, with that carefree look as if sh*t was sweet in life. Now I knew why no one else saw what I saw, the body and its expressions can only tell so much of the story and only those with an open mind and heart can hear its calls. To the average person I must look like just another guy off the street, little do they know what truly lies withing my mind. I started to see that my life wasn t at a pause, that I was making progress yet was blind to it because from a first person view, you can only see what s right in front of you in a sense. Looking in from afar lets one see that progress isn t in any given direction. Who s to say when someone is actually making progress in life. We all know where our lives began but none of us know where we ll end. Our end is inevitable, but our goals in life can not be pinpointed. The idea of living in today and not the past nor the future is just a lazy excuse to the reasoning of life. We have to live in the past just as much as we do in today because our past is what s made us what we are today. With every passing second, the present becomes the past and the future becomes the present. Your future may very well lie within your past so backtracking or returning to old methods of doing things doesn t always necessarily mean your not making progress. Going back might actually be forward depending on where your goals in life lie. My thoughts were interrupted when my lips touched the glass and were surprised to find nothing there. It was time for a refill. I looked at the bottle and saw a sparkle coming off it. I looked up at the sky and saw a star shining bright, I paused for a moment staring into it as if it were looking back. I shrugged it off as just a mere coincidence. I stretched up to grab the bottle again by in my current state, I was having a hard time moving. A sudden gust of wind appeared and blue my hoody off my head. At that moment I apparently put too much weight on the table and ended up flipping it over. The bottle flew over me and in trying to grab it, my chair slid from under me and next thing I know I was falling. Everything was black and all I could see were stars and the streaks they were leaving in the empty black void. I felt as if I was dreaming and the fall started to slow down and eventually I was floating as if someone was holding me up. I was completely surrounded by darkness besides the moon and stars above me. The one shining star was still sparkling. I once again looked at it but this time it was as if it looked directly into my soul. The light became so strong that it was shining right through me. I squinted my eyes to adjust to the light. I could see something behind it, it was a figure. I put an arm up to help shield some of the light and was in awe at why I saw. I saw my grandmother who may forever rest in peace standing besides my mother holding a baby, I moved my hand out the way and embraced the light just to see the image fade away and then there was a man with a child cradled in his hands. The man seemed to resemble me yet was older. I finally knew what I was seeing, I was looking into my life, my past and future, the essence of my being, the shining star was really my light within. I wasn t cold anymore, I wasn t depressed and wasn t struggling to understand because for that one moment I knew what my purpose was. Next thing I know the light got too bright and I couldn t see, my head became overwhelmed with a great pain and it started to get dark again. Something was covering the light. My focus cleared up and noticed it was my mother s face looking down upon me, laying on the wooden patio floor in the backyard. She had woken up by all the noise and came to see what happened. She asked me if I was alright and helped me up. Scolded me for being in the yard wit no jacket on, that I was going to get sick, typical mom. My mom grabbled the bottle and headed back in to the house, her voice disappearing into the house, mentioning something bout me having to stop drinking rum straight. I told her yeah and that I ll be there in a minute. I turned around before going in and looked down at the glass laying on the ground, the sparkle was now coming off the glass. I looked back up at the sky, again at the stars and smiled knowing that my place was set above and that there was finally nothing to worry bout . Message This next story I know heads aint goin to read. Its crazy long and only heads to get the most out of it are fans of independent hiphop. Anyways, if you do read it, hit me up and let me know what you think. It has no title so far.Dont know how to start this one off tonight. Its been a while since Ive written anything. I guess you can say I been going through some type of writers block. I been getting my ideas on ma late night drives back from work but nothing that jumps out at me. I promised myself I wouldnt put out anything else until I felt I was ready to introduce something new. Cant be having my work become stagnant and repetitious. In front of ma computer Im sitting again. Ma beats pumping through ma headphones stimulating ma mind while I have me a lil drink to keep ma mind focused, trying to avoid wandering off. Lifes become more serious as of late. All work and no play has been the recurrent theme. Days going by school in the morning and work at night, sh*ts been taking a tole on ma body. Sitting here ma back be killing me yet its relaxing, finished ma hw so nothing left but to let ma mind relax and be at play. My eyes burning from the lack of sleep so I decide to shut them for a min to give them a rest. As Im zoning out, eyes wide shut, I start seeing colored images dance around in the darkness withing my mind. I strain to try to make some sense of them, see if I can put some meaning or build an image out of them. After what seems to be a few minutes, everything starts to take shape. Im on an open field on a star filled night, looking down at the grass I can see it had just finished raining. The moonlight seems to be my only source of guidance as I collect myself and my surroundings. I come to notice that there are a few more individuals in the field, all with the dazed look upon their face as if they just took a wrong turn and have had no luck retracing their steps. I get up off the ground and brush off the loose wet grass off my jeans when one of the others catches wind of my presence. She approaches me and address me by an alias name that I cant seem to comprehend. This girl seemed to be in her early teens, eyes bright with ambition but it was clear there was no drive or goal in sight. She approached and asked if I knew what had happened and where we were. I looked at her and just shrugged my head, telling her that I was just as confused as she is. In the middle of our conversation we start to notice that everyone began to walk off into the distance. With no idea what to do, we decided to go along with the crowd, maybe well get some answers with them. It seemed that everyone was trying to track down the noise of trickling water. We reached a small creek at the bottom of the hill and we were left in disbelief. Out from the sky seemed to form small waterfalls draining into the small body of water. I looked up trying to find the source of this water but could only see it disappear into the sky. Watching Water generated a smooth calming sound that was like music to my ears. It lulled me into a state of euphoria. Whereas everyone else become to move on towards their next destination, I was stuck in my place, numb to my environment. The girl was calling me to move along but her voice became to fade away. I began to hear the water singing to me. It spoke it a strange lyrical sense that I struggled to interpret. I closed by eyes and embraced the voice........I can stare at a puddle and see a million places I love. It..s comforting thoughts of places I..ve been, places I will never see again. Send my love to all who were there, wishing I could crawl back in But I..ve transformed and the pieces wouldn..t fit, so the sorenecks will cease Eyes searching to the sky to try to find some form of peace And I keep pulling up blanks, yet I..m wearing this mask for the sake of others We all miss things I suppose, we must let go, well I..m not ready Just let me sit in silence and soak in what..s trailing down the window to cleanse my emotions, to begin the process of preparing myself ..... Intake ambiance a tool for meditation Progressing towards the clouds with at whom I am complete Defeat the chains that restrain an eager sensation Equal balance in and out, all inhibitions shall deplete......Think a lot about life, that..s where it all began for me the more I thought, the more more I began to clearly see absolutely every aspect of life in a new light I figured out my Rubix Cube.. (haha) well I got it somewhat right And things are coming together as I slowly come undone And the occurrence known as the "it" is swept under the rug and now my burden weights a ton But it only makes me stronger and I refuse to break I..m letting things pass by, for the family..s sake Just give me a picture of the truth so I can hold it near and watch the rainfall, syncopated with one lonesome tear ........I broke from they spell unsure of what had just taken place. Everyone seemed to be gone and I had no idea how long I had been there. It was still night out so it couldnt have been long. I thought back on what I just heard and it reminded me of my life in a way. How I held on to the past and stubbornly refused to move forward in life. I kept reaching out to grab what I once had when I shouldve been ready to embrace what life had for me. I shrugged off the thought and told maself Ill get back to it later, this wasnt the time or place to contemplate. I decided to run off to see if I can catch up wit the crowd. As I ran off the message from the water echoed in my mind Intake ambiance a tool for meditation Progressing towards the clouds with at whom I am complete Defeat the chains that restrain an eager sensation Equal balance in and out, all inhibitions shall deplete...... What could it have meant.I walked on for what seemed to be half an hour till I ran into a ghost town. The place looked like it used to be a bustling farming community but the only life left was the crows perched on the wooden panels of empty houses. Walking by the dusty quite town an Erie sensation crept up my spine and to the back of ma neck. I felt as if I wasnt alone. The wind blew strong for a moment and a gate opened as a result. I heard movement coming from the rear of a barn. I hesitantly walked towards the barn and unknowingly stepped into a deep puddle where I then found an torn sheet of paper. The paper seemed to have been in relation to a movement long forgotten, the main dynamics behind the movement. To my surprise I found the crowd again staring at a motionless scarecrow. Some were playing around, posing it into different positions as if to create a rouse amongst the people. I saw the girl from before and asked her why everyone was gathered around the scarecrow, before she can answer, a man interrupted and said The Scarecrow Speaks. No one was believing him but they amused him none the less. Off the corner of my eye, I noticed 4 crows flying above us, one swooped down and landed on the scarecrows shoulder. As if sensitive to the touch, the scarecrow moved. Everyone gasped and nearly fell back in shock. The scarecrow spoke......Okay everyone put away your boyish desires Your buoyant sighs Your rolling eyes Your lust for roll and rock Your lust for getting rocks off with other follies All your desires for couch and TV Pick up a book, pick up a shovel Put down the gun, throw up the fist Throw intelligent words in this game of conversation Try a new arrangement Dollars and sensibility Intelligence and ability Eloquence and nobility Delicatessens Treat your girl like you treat your TV How you should use your headphones and positive role models Try staying home Stop trying to prove Stop trying to be, stop trying to do Just be proof, do, and exist Go to college Respect your mother Look out for your little sister Respect no one except yourself Treat all others how you expect in return Exercise intellect If you..re lackin pretend Call few people enemies and call fewer people friends Don..t do it for the wealth, do it all for the love Love everything you do, and do nothing halfheartedly Be what you speak Man, never speak on what you be Even if you..re lost, front like you got a plan It aint that hard, but stand if you..re ready to be a manThe crowd, still in shock, stared wide eyed as if they couldnt believe what was happening before them. The crow then flew off and joined the other 3, as another swooped down and perched itself again on the scarecrow. It spoke again......I come to you With one heart Broken in two Lashed hands and many flaws a man In return I ask only an ego-less unbiased listen For, what I speak of offers freedom from mind Freedom from a focused impulse Freedom And not at all the spangled, yankee-doodle Union musket encompassed sense of liberty Which our forefathers in Holy-Wood have fed and sold us for scores I..m eluding and rightfully so to salvage clearheadedness of composed fated state of human being No grand inquisitor myself I pour forth a pensive frown upon and frustrated Humble however furious This reason for being here This well you..ve found is phenomen-all-o-ne In the immortal words of Oliver Wendell Holmes A mind that is stretched to a new idea never returns to its original dimension Simplistically Topsoil is no seashell full of bitter ocean Body but it can be Changing for and from triumph to mystery Every somehow has a place Where you dare not set foot and can..t see a thing So weave those silver threads into soul-leveled bonds And be unbounded no longer Manipulative Let it go Go Let the wandering take it all in Generate Make you yours My masters, my pupils, my equals Drop, decorate I implore you Just think By this time, half the crowed seemed to have run off in fear. The other half were as pail as the dead and probably didnt run off because their legs wouldnt let them. The third crow came down and played its role. It had this to say......Let me address you with two conflicting topics at this moment Two paths I..ve roamed it Intention to hit home with this discussion And make you pawn to strengthen your words Not talking racial connotation, but loosely tied with bees and birds Also loosely tied with opposites The depths of negativity in your soul Let it take control, and you can see deeper into the hole Of self-destruction its obstruction of the opposite feeling My fellow men and women, its love and hate with which we..re dealing I..ve experienced both words Let..s ponder my theory and thought On these two and the correlation that each other has brought I..ve sought the answer and I..ve found hate is stronger than love I love to hate you, I hate to love you, hate always ends up above It..s much easier to say you hate than to say you love a person But easier to say you love material and currency when it..s dispersin I..ve realized long ago that either word is a delicate topic so Hence the circle on my finger I.D.O. on that day was my flow And although I see many problems in my fellow man Hatred of others is absolutely not my master plan My other spiritual half has taught me much about my true feelings I was slipping into mental remission but it was brought into the healing process I consider myself blessed when I think Floating up above the majority makes others look like they sink Hating, you give up nothing Love, you give it up all So I smirk at all of yall While you await my downfallI stood amazed at what was being said to me. I couldnt believe such words would ever be spoken, let alone by animated figures. I began to wonder what kind of world I was trapped in. At this time, everyone was gone but a few had returned with lit torches and sticks. I jumped in front of them to try and stop their attempts to destroy this moment that was taking place but there were too many of them, they lit the scarecrow up into flames. The last crow then with no other choice came and flew down onto me. As soon as its claws clung to my shoulder, I can feel the pain. The left side of my body went numb and I fell on one knee. My eyes rolled up into my head and I began to speak words unknown to me.....Condescending The lake dove into When you finally acknowledge that I..m not pretending Follow the language, the direction, the dialect The cadence, the enunciation, Emphasis, pretentiousness Assumptions makin an ass of you Point A in the air you share with me Point B now draw a straight line connecting us Wait, wait man who..s not paying attention? See, class here..s the problem Yall all need to stop resting and collectin dust My stance resembles anger but no your perception..s crooked Now be some good little bastards, turn your textbooks to page 7 Where it reads that God got drunk, drove heaven into a tree Now there..s no reasons left for you to continue to breathe Haha, just joking only trying to see who..s listenin Now heads up, time to test the potential of your faults And the results will stay confidential For as long as you face the front of your self esteem Lose focus, get broken at the seams Let..s open up the conversation for comments To complement your circumcised mind state while I ride on your anxieties Trying to speak to the class and justify the act By pointing my finger at your head and askin you what the fuck is that?! Thank you, thank youI awoke a few hours later in a daze. After remembering what had happened I panicked and got up in a hurry. For some reason I seemed to be a few hundred yards away from the town. Lucky for me since from as far as my eyes can see the whole town was set to flames. The left side of my body where the crow buried his claws was still in pain and my veins were pulsating. Three punction wounds were on my shoulder. I sat down to rest to make sense of what took place and the wind blew again. I felt a peace of paper fluttering on my side and reached to grab it. It was the same sheet of paper from earlier. This time, some of the writing was visible. Upon further reading, I gained further knowledge on the dynamics of the movement. It was lead by 4 men which were burned and crucified for their outrageous beliefs. I have no idea what happened to the rest of the town during that time but I see what had currently taken place. The town was actually a ghost town where the actual ghosts of the 4 founders were within the crows. Their message was passed onto me. I folded the sheet of paper and put it in my back pocket, arose from my resting place and began walking again. What I had just heard was too important to ever forget, I couldnt have their deaths be in vain. As I walked on into the darkness yet again, I heard the cries of crows in the distance. I looked back, and smiled in acknowledgement. I would now play a part in carrying on their message and reviving the movement. I moved on.Continuing on my quest to find answers to why I was there and exactly what this place was, I encountered a barren plain. This location was different from the rest in its absolute lack of any detail. All I could see was an endless horizon, complete darkness. The moonlight had been covered by the smoke from the ongoing fire that was left behind so I had no lights to guide me. It was just me and the sound of my footsteps under me. This desolate place was depressing as if void of any life. There was a palpable sense of death in the air. I began to hear movement in the darkness ahead of me. Scurried feet and horrified whispers surrounded me. Next thing I know I heard an explosion and began to run. I tripped on something and hit the ground. I reached to grab whatever it was that I had tripped over and my heart skipped a beat. In my hand, I held what felt to be the skull of a person.. Quickly dropping it, I rolled over and scanned my surroundings. More explosions were heard off in the distance and smoke began to rise. All I could see were feet moving about me as I laid on the ground. Gun fire came next and I covered my ears. It seemed as if the movement I learned of earlier was bigger than I thought. Conflict became war and blood was spilled here. What I was seeing was a reenactment of what had taken place after the death of the founders. These were in a way the living legends that were going to accept nothing less than what they fought for. They risked their lives for what they believed in. The smoke had cleared and I thought it was finally over. I got up for just a moment to see a figure beside me let loose with an M16. Time slowed to a point where I can see each individual bullet fly out the barrel. With each slug that fell to the floor, a vibration went through my mind and word was whimpered to me. After the rounds were complete, I took all the words I heard and put them together to the best of my ability. The following is what I believe to have been a message on how to live ones life, to succeed and move on to the next level...The first step was birth Now forever cursed to analyze his self-worth The second step was belief He had to make that move before he even grew teeth The third step, respect awareness He could trip over the next step if he..s careless That next step, number four, was love Can..t touch it without stepping the other three above As he froze for a moment Ignoring the remaining ones He was approaching, focus stolen Looking down at his hands to see what he was holding Nothing, empty No choice but to keep going The fifth step felt like a misstep It was a re-evaluation of the first four The anxiety, fear of what it hurts for Caught in somewhere between the earths core And the first floor When he finally made it to step six He could no longer see it for what it is All of his views and family and life were askew Number six had been twisted by the previous two The last step, the seventh Was the only thing left that kept him outside of heaven One last breath and everything could be pleasant Life through death, man..s final lessonTime sped up to normal speed and I was alone again. I was in awe at how something as complex as life could be broken down in a simple few lines. The smoke began to clear and the moonlight reappeared. In the not to far distance, I can see a city. I sighed in relief, finally a chance to reach life. I could finally relax and truly contemplate what has happened to me. I ran off into the distance but to my dismay, the city was destroyed. Seems like the war had raged on even this far. Depressed and lonely I sat myself down on the nearby remains of the entrance to a project building. It kind of reminded me of my old house I lived in when I was younger. As I sat there, face buried into my hands, a child came out from the doorway and sat next to me. I didnt pay much mind to it since I knew there was no life left in this dammed world. Entertaining the thought, I asked him what he was doin here alone, he just stared at me with a blank face. He opened his mouth to speak and yet again it was in rhymes. I could not understand why everyone spoke in such a way. He didnt say much but it was important none the less. He explained to me that he was the last emperor of this forgotten land. I guess even in the afterlife, children play games, apparently he was playing the role of an emperor of some sort. He then asked me  Do You Remember. I looked at him puzzled but before I could speak he said...I beg of you to come and listen for a while And look at this wonderful world through the eyes of a child This is my chance to escape today And I don..t want to see my dreams chased away Inside the palace gates is where I stay ..Cause the world is no longer a safe place to play Its like the story of the little wooden boy Who wanted to live the life that every child should enjoy I heard it once of twice before The world is yours for you to explore I heard my calling as a child and I answered it When I grow up and finally get my chance to fit I..ll be the sort of man you can..t forget I used to stair up at the sky on my camping trips In this quiet night of quiet stars Of quiet chords on my guitar Kids out there, I know it might be hard But I realize how alive you are......One day I..ll travel from the East to the West And tap into the hidden strength that all men possess. I..ll always be young, see a young mind is fresh And its clear my memories will one day disappear unless...... Do you remember?....... Yes I remember ..........Do you remember?Touched by the sheer emotion put forth by this child, I just reached out to grab him. He then stood up, instructed me to speak to the local priest, that he was a genius and could lead me home. He then walked back inside his palace and shut the door. What had taken place here was nothing less than a tragedy. Across the street of where I was sitting was a run down church and I guessed thats where Id find the priest he spoke of. Before I could get up though, the rubbles besides the building began to move and out came the priest. He approached me as if unscathed from the prior events. He asked me if I wanted to learn of The Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. I found it strange that he would word it in that manner and asked him to continue. Yet again, in rhymes, he spoke to me......Life is a test many quest the universe And through my research, I felt the joy and the hurt The first shall be last and the last shall be first The basic instructions before leaving earth.....I strolled through the books of Job to unfold And open bibles, instead of hoping on revivals Calling on His name and screaming hallelujah when he hardly knew ya, that..s how the devil..s fooled ya See look into my eyes brethren, that..s the lies of a Reverend Why should you die to go to heaven? The Earth is already in space, the bible I embrace A difficult task I had to take I studied till my eyes was swollen, and only arose when I found out that we were the chosen I deal with the truth, and build with the youth And teach my son as he kneels on the stoop Son, life is a pool of sin, corrupted with foolish men and women with wicked minds, who build picket signs to legalize abortion, the evil eye distortion I quiz Son with my wisdom Before I converted, I was perverted, and knowledge was asserted The study of wisdom, I perferred it The understanding, it gave me mental freedom I even learnt Caucasians were really the Tribe of Edam The white image, of Christ, is really Cesare Borgia and uhh, the second son of Pope Alexander The Sixth of Rome, and once the picture was shown That..s how the devils tricked my dome I prophesized to save a man, but no one gave a damn for my nation - the seed of Abraham Blessed with the tongue of Hebrew Now we..re strung on needles, and some are plungin evils So study and be wise in these days of darknessUpon speaking these words to me, he pointed out towards an empty dirt road. I looked over in the direction and wondered if I was finally going to go home. I turned back to thank him but he was no where to be seen. At this point I wasnt surprised. Onto my travels again. I thought about what the priest had said. I had long shared similar thoughts but it was reassuring to see someone who shares ones thoughts. I took a moment to look down at my watch and saw the time hadnt even budged, not a single minute. I feel as if Ive been on this trip for hours and the moon has yet to move an inch, its as if time has stopped in this world. My legs have grown tired of all the walking, my feet begin to drag. Upon the side of the road I notice what could be the first true life. Onto the side of the road, there seemed to be what I would guess a slug and a spawn, an offspring of some sort. Amazed and bewildered at what type of creature this could be, I was interrupted by the sound of a guitar playing and a carriage. Passing by was a traveling caravan, two heads deep. Their carriage trotted along slowly as one guy laid back into the shadows of the tent and played a guitar. The driver stearin the horses had a large stray hat and it covered most of his face. As they passed by, the man tipped his hat to me and seemed to have been reciting a lyric from a song They lied, it aint how you die, its how you breath, it aint what you take, its what you leave and conceive, what you got is nothing if your soul dont represent it, present it, it aint where you from, its where you been kid They continued on there way and disappeared into a growing mist ahead. I continued on my path toward the part where the atmosphere changed. My senses became acute to the surroundings and I seemed to escape to another state of mind. For the moment, for some inexplicable reason, the statement  sound is vibration echoed in my mind. The atmosphere got to the point that the fog got so thick that I couldnt see. I was walking into the unknown. The statement within me was replaced by 2 distinct voices simultaneously screaming who makes the music the other who makes the sound. It got to the point that I was too frightened to move and fell to the ground. Out of the fog a womans figure appeared, all I could tell is that she had tattoos on the top of each of her hands. The Woman With the Tattooed Hands extended her hand to me and I accepted. She led me through the fog till I encountered the field where I had first awoken. The crowd that I had seen back then were no where to be seen. There was only a black man, he seemed to be a philosopher/monk. Crouched down on the grass, which was no longer wet, his legs were crossed and eyes shut. Through observation I could tell he had a lot of tattoos on his upper body, one caught my eye though. It was plain compared to the rest but it read  NO NAME I sat in front of him as he meditated and crossed my legs. After a few minutes of silence he finally spoke. He told me that I can ask him two questions. I thought long and hard what I could possibly ask him so I wouldnt waste them on something meaningless. I decided to first ask him about the other wandering individuals that I came here with. He explained to me that they were all Blind Individuals. We all came here to find answers to questions within ourselves. He told me that .... blind individuals run from dark shadows and emotional gallows. try to protect the name but cant escape. for walls and corners corner around and trap the week incoherent and superficial thoughts they see. Inhuman entities keep them locked at the knees evil hearted attempts to demolish families. To oneself be true, I put myself before all else and all else before those who want to take ma wealth, not currency, but currently events worlds of wisdom. Organize education makes me book wise and street dumb. Passes through life twelve steps to heal the broken hearted, if ignorance is bliss, I guess Ill rather be retarded. Entice me, make me believe that knowledge is the key because so far Ive seen it unlock doors to misery. People with inhibited optics cant see the naked truth, blind faith must begin at youthAfter feeding me that knowledge he promptly asked me for my second question. I then asked him about his tattoos on his chest. He told me that through his reflection can I find the meaning.. Behind me a mirror appeared. He opened his eyes to reveal two completely white pupils implying that he was once among the blind. He stood up , walked up to the mirror and told me to stand beside him. Looking into the mirror I was then able to read his tattoo as it was originally meant to be read. He said it was his name and that I was ready to leave. Told me to never forget everything I had experienced in this trip. I looked again to the mirror to find it completely engulfed in darkness. A gruf looking individual in a black long hooded cloak awaited me. He spoke of The Awakening and to step forth. As he guided me through the darkness, he kept repeating to me do not fear death as it would only take me through The light he was leading me towards started to become brighter till it became what seemed to be a square opening. As soon as I reached it, I noticed myself on the other end. I was sitting on my chair in front of ma computer, rubber necking, obviously asleep. All of a sudden I opened my eyes and was steering into the black screen saver on my computer, the music I had playing was nothing more than a loud humming of my speakers, my headphones mustve disconnected by accident while I was asleep. I see that the dream I was just having and the messages given to me were straight from the tracks I was subconsciously listening too. I learned that the world I had visited could not be so far from the truth. If we stay on route on the way the world is going, we will be living such a life that I experienced. The blind individuals in the dream were all the people in this world that are still asleep to the truth. They are still wondering around the dream land unaware of the messages and lessons presented to them.. I felt as if I hadnt just woken up from not just a mid day nod off but from a long, unnecessary slumber. How much longer will the masses sleep on this source of knowledge. How much longer will they support the mindless moneymakers that have nothing to show for themselves besides what theyve purchased and flaunt. Things will never change it seems, but that doesnt mean I have to let the movement die. I must continue passing the torch to thoses strong enough to grab it and not get burned.Now that I have the story complete and if you havent noticed, I used quotes from songs. So now I have to give props to all whos work I quoted. Without their lyricism this story wouldnt be anywhere near as deep as it is. Their work formed the meat of my project. For me not to mention them would be plagiarism plus a disgrace and injustice towards them. Starting top to bottom in order of appearance. ARTIST: Album Title-Song TitleALIAS: The Other Side of the Looking Glass- Watching WaterDEEP PUDDLE DYNAMICS: The Taste of Rain ....Why Kneel?- The Scarecrow Speaks(Artists quoted- Sole, DoseOne, Alias, and Slug)LIVING LEGENDS: Almost Famous- Nothing Less(Artist quoted- Slug)THE LAST EMPEROR: The AND 1 Mix Tape Vol 1- Do You Remember?THE GENIUS/GZA: Liquid Swords- B.I.B.L.E. (Artist quoted- Killah Priest) SLUG FT SPAWN: Sean Likes Ugly Girls- They Lied (Artist quoted- hook of song performed by both Slug and Spawn)ATMOSPHERE: Overcast EP- Sound is Vibration (Artist quoted- ending hook performed by both Slug and Spawn)EMANON:.......- Blind Individuals (NOTE: I could not find what album this is from but it is performed by Aloe)GRUF: Druidry- AwakeningAll lyrics minus EMANONs Blind Individuals were obtained from The Original Hip-Hop (Rap) Lyrics Archive (http://www.ohhla.com/all.html). I interpreted Blind Individuals myself so the lyrics might not be exact. Artist, track, and album info was obtained from OHHLA, HipHopInfinity.Com (http://hiphopinfinity.com/) And the info box on Kazaa that gives you info on the songs you play lol . Embrace The following is the most recent piece I..ve done. Put it together while I was at work in between calls. Don..t know if anyone..s really going to get the exact point of it but I..ll explain in the end.Embrace....... a unison, a bond....ever lasting silent...never taken in by open ears fearless, never to falter in the presence of ridicule a silohette, enthralled within its own images a grasp, unescapeable.... physical spiritual fictatious all encompess my every being....This temporary yet permanent connection is nothing but a vessel Love, hate, memories past, dreams, forethought...limitless my expressionsGaze into my existance...acknowledge, escape... see onself... one..s world.. one..s love... a moment in time, frozen in its most glorious state a rash of emotion, caught at its peakThrough motion I live free, escaping all physical chains bound by nothing and no one..... except self.... I am one soul, this is my canvas, my home.... Release.....Now here I lay, dormant in this desolate space, awaiting my next embraceBasically if you didn..t understand what I was getting at, the whole piece is basically speaking of the connection between pen/pencil/chawk/brush etc... and paper/canvas. "Embrace" is referring to the contact made with, for ex, a pen and a paper. "Release" is as you might expect the release between the said pen and paper. Everything in between "embrace" and "release" is everything a person would put forth on a canvas. It is basically speaking of the art of writing/drawing, expressing oneself through art. .