PoolJesus profile picture

PoolJesus

Well, that's whatever-the-hell-you-were-talkin-about for ya... no no, I'm interested... really...

About Me

First off: IF YOU ARE HAWKING YOUR WEBCAM PAYSITE, FUCK RIGHT OFF! Do not contact me. I'm here to talk, not pay to get horny. I will verbally assault you. Clear enough? Ok, on with the show...My name is _____ (insert your mother's name here). I enjoy long walks on the beach, birds singing, rain drops on roses, and whiskers on kittens. I like to crochet, play bingo, and contra dance to polka. Riiiight... I usually spend every free second in the shittiest, dirties dive bars I can find. Got a crappy pool table and a couple of loud, obnoxious drunkards? Got any lush-ass bar trash I can talk shit to? I'm there 30 hour/week. I'm like the fuckin Pool Jesus biatches! That's all I feel like writing for now. My brown eye winks at you... Yahoo messenger: pooljesus555 IM: PoolJesus55 .. width="425" height="350" ..

My Interests

Shaking babies. Winking brown eyes and fur burgers.

I'd like to meet:

Preferably someone with all of their limbs, although it's not mandatory, teeth are. Someone who who does not lead with "I don't like the way these meds make me feel". Someone who is comfortable in their perfect/imperfect body (because they all are simultaniously). Quick wit and a sharp tongue are invaluable. This should weed out roughly 85% of you , we'll see where this gets me. Oh yeah, Hip Hop!

Music:

Little White Lie! (check out my Top 8), The Red Letter "M", but mostly Hip Hop. I'm heavily into Slug's shit. I get a sense of honesty from him that is rare in any genre, especially hip hop. He and Ant have a really good sound and make a great duo. Eminem, TopR, Run DMC (represent) Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince (you know you were feelin it!) Tupac, Biggie, NWA, Dialated, Planet Asia, Busta, Obie, Royce, Wu, Red/ Meth, Pun, Gang Star, E-40, Brotha Lynch Hung, B & C's Bangin on wax, Kurupt, Ras Kass, Masta Ace, Slick Rick (the Ruler) AMG, Sly Boogie, Nas, Princess Superstar, Pharcyde, J5, Eyedea & Abilities, Sage Francis, Aesop Rock, basically Anticon is tha shit! Pharoah Monche, Tribe, Beatnutz, LONS, Lox, Snoop, Kanye West, Jay Z, Ludacris, MC Eiht, Rahzel, Rakim, Souls of Mischief, 'Liks, KRS 1, Common, Black Star, High & Mighty, anything from Rawkus Records, really anything good but Blackalicious' Alphabet Aerobics may be the tightest shit of all time! Oh yeah, bow down to the greatest and most kickass rock band of all time: Tenacious D. All hail the D! (Fuckin... cock- ayass!!!)

Movies:

All of the CKY stuff, Options videos, Matrix, Equilibrium, Bond, V for Vendetta, Sin City, The Breaks, Hypercube, Friday, Kill Bill, Secret of Nimh, Bullitt, Finding Nemo (yeah, I said it. I'm comfortable enough in my manhood to admit it was a great flick, shut up), Gone in 60 sec, Princess Bride, Braveheart, Bad Boys 1 & 2, Ronin, Butterfy Effect, Natural Born Killers, Dead Presidents, Heat, Lethal Weapon(s), Orgasmo, South Park, Goonies, UFC, Clockwork Orange, Alien(s), Event Horizon, Saving Private Ryan, WWII flicks, Boondock Saints, White Boys, Set it Off, Scarface, 8 Mile, Boys in the Hood,... that tape I made w/ your Mom, Glitter, Cool as Ice... ..

Television:

Comedy Central til I die! The balls on that Colbert fellow, huh?! Oh, and The Shield. And the Speed Channel. And the Sipmsons. And the Family Guy... STEWIE FOR GOVERNOR!

Books:

What is this "books" you speak of?! Isn't that like your bank account in prison or something?

Heroes:

Heros are tasty! Hey Norm! If you were a hot dog and you were starving to death, would you eat yourself? I would. I'd cover myself in brown mustard and relish, I'd be so delicious... Ok, sorry. Bill W. (not Goerge W!)

My Blog

I fuckin love Nessa!

Vanessa Sanchez: you're so funny Evan Evan Huck: Not as funny as you Nessa! Vanessa Sanchez: nah, you reign supreme my friend Evan Huck: Game recogize game... Evan Huck: I think if we had a funny-off...
Posted by PoolJesus on Fri, 02 Feb 2007 04:12:00 PST

The girlfriend's sister!

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! Ther...
Posted by PoolJesus on Wed, 03 Jan 2007 03:28:00 PST

New Software System!

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS). Next Monday there wi...
Posted by PoolJesus on Wed, 03 Jan 2007 02:09:00 PST

Bulletins by 12 y/o's... The best bulletin I've posted to date!

GOTCHYA!Since you've opened this, you now have to stand up wherever you are (work, home, library, I don't care) and scream at the top of your lungs 50 times in a row, "Clearly my mother was gang raped...
Posted by PoolJesus on Thu, 28 Dec 2006 11:21:00 PST

Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!

THIS MAY BE THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY...... Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them -- against fire, among ...
Posted by PoolJesus on Fri, 01 Dec 2006 10:27:00 PST

Having technical difficulties!

Dear Tech SupportLast year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addi...
Posted by PoolJesus on Sat, 14 Oct 2006 05:03:00 PST

I'm gonna open a mini mart...

Uranus Liquor   You're jealous... Don't steal my idea or I'll torch the place.
Posted by PoolJesus on Thu, 24 Aug 2006 04:56:00 PST

Read in awe...

Ok, read from the bottom up, starting with the UFO bulletin I posted. I realize that I could get a lot of shit for this, but it seemed appropriate at the time. Go to the bottom of the page. Enjoy...
Posted by PoolJesus on Mon, 07 Aug 2006 01:21:00 PST

Dubya's resume... This is just staggering...

GEORGE W. BUSH1600 Pennsylvania AvenueWashington , DC 20520 EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCELAW ENFORCEMENTI was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled gu...
Posted by PoolJesus on Wed, 26 Jul 2006 11:03:00 PST

Ladies and gentlemen, the esteemed Mr. Rollins...

I fucking love this man... allowScriptAccess="never"    src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JLIcTnVHTic" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350">..>...
Posted by PoolJesus on Wed, 19 Jul 2006 05:01:00 PST