Shatners Bassoon profile picture

Shatners Bassoon

I was a teenage hand model

About Me


Shatners Bassoon: The relatively unknown part of the brain containing the musical instrument of one Captain Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Purchased in 1967 and regularly used to perform Dutch Fusion Jazz to the unwilling crew on Friday nights around about stardate 16,400 supplimental.
Spock, Bones and Scotty would occasionally make up the quartet with their own instruments - These being the saxophone, piccolo and English horn. Much to the delight of the crew.
Bones (To Spock) : Spock you confounded fool the Capitan has been flying solo since 8pm on his Bassoon!
Spock (To Bones) : Fascinating...
Scotty (To All) : Came an! Wa've gottay elp im, grab your instruments men and meet may on tut bridge.
All : (Musical Mayhem)
A la : Shatners Bassoon
Sadly their musical prowess was short lived, Scotty just could'nae take it and gobbled down a cocktail of Chech'tluth and Tropolisine whilst on a tour of Chiron.
The other three members feeling guilty for Scotty's death left for new professions and what they believed pastures green. Bones took up luge and was later seen traversing Jamaica in hopes of finding some budding new stars. Spock remained emotionless and began work for Tesco's where his complete lack of morals and friendly demeanor allowed him to quickly rise through the ranks.
As for Kirk a stint as a male escort landed him in dirty water. Prison and a brief time making Christmas cracker jokes had given Kirk an insatiable passion for small Vietnamese girls. Sentenced to death he now awaits for his crew to once more beam him out of trouble.---------------------------------------------------- ---------
Little H, myspace didn't like me uploading copyrighted material so this shall have to do, befitting methinks.
------------------------------------------------------------ - ------------------------------------------------------------ -The real me? Reality is a state of mind.
I don't know who I am, or who I'm meant to be. I'm who you make me, and what you make me to be. I feel what I feel, and believe what I will, in the end? I shall always be that what you aren't. Me.
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I need no reason to post this video. Ahhh, perfection.
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ --For Tax Reasons:
A double whammy of nerdy videos from the fellas at 'For Tax Reasons'. The first of these is 'IM IN UR MANGER KILLING UR SAVIOR' which is about three hapless nerd heroes who happen turn a nativity scene into a LARP battle. Sacrilege ensues.
The second of the videos shows the two lads behind the animations appearing on an episode of 'boing boing tv' this is a must for any Final Fantasy fans. The intro animation had me rolling on the floor, being a geek has never been so good.
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Saul Bass - Star Wars
Below is some clever bastards take on what the title sequence to Star Wars would of been like if given to that wonderful fellow Saul Bass and of course its mashed with some funky jazz. I'm now fulfilled with an urge to watch North by Northwest. Hmm Hitchcock.
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PREFIX: THX-1138
For more enjoyment and greater efficiency, consumption is being standardized. We are sorry ...
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Manhattan: "Corn beef should not be blue"
As much as I love Annie Hall, and oh do I love it. Its an addiction, I have watched it more times this past month than I have had hot baths. However Manhattan will always be Woody Allen's greatest work of art.
The stylistic black and white wide-screen format, coupled with Allen's divine dialogue and incredible wit make this his perfect ode to the city he shares a symbiotic relationship with. Its just ... perfect.
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Wes Anderson: The Royal Tenenbaum's
Simply put, this is just one of those scenes. Strikes a chord with me, I long for those train skipping days.
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My Interests


The things I love.
Inner monologues. The Big Lebowski, [tBl] and the gang, dude love. Too much time on my hands, Counter Strike, a Magners and an emotional Grice. Watching middle aged people get tipsy and do Karaoke. Irn-Bru. Cockney dubbing in Kung Fu. Small-town bedlam. Nintendo, Shigsy and Reggie. Letters that never got sent. Taps that drip and never stop. The hiss of vinyl and the purr of mix tapes. Game over - please try again. Being a geek. All things animated. Weegee. Germany and the east. Playing Star wars trilogy arcade suffering from bee stings. Sleeping outside the Foof in Amsterdam naming all the hookers. Stockholm syndrome. Rock and Roll hairstyles. John Peel. Real friends. Pins and needles. Swirling drunken ceilings. Sticker books. Walking past corn fields at night. French electronic music. Things that come in glass bottles. The Montster. Pursuit of the hopeless. Incessant quoting of a geeky proportion. Welsh Patriotism, our country is all we have, and we love it. Train journeys. The Reading Collectors Store. Being the only man to act nice on cider. Falling asleep on vibrating bus windows. Polaroid. Tacky things your relatives leave you in wills. Old exercise books and Hb scribbling of innocence. Trying to look into the back of your head. Cool side of the pillow. Pet names. The power forgiving brings. Robert Barr. Calipos and the guilty giggles of public phallic licking. Hair dye disasters. Drinking with the sole intention to get drunk. German Fanta flavours. Never needing to sleep. The smell of garages and motor oil. Service stations at 5am. Waiting in airports. Crickets, their chirps and their ability to elude. Epic Nam films where all the characters are dusty and sweaty looking. Laziness. Caffeine rush. The 7-up dude. Power ballads. Soggy trainers. My obsessive compulsive religion of making tea. 1950s Technicolor. Long silences and trying to fill them. Seeing the world as an old school noir film. Mufti days, that’s no uniform for you middle class types. Staring at people on the tube, and reading their books. The clack clack ping of an old typewriter. Spaghetti westerns. FAB - Gerry Anderson and all things puppet like. The smell of new books. That post office kit I had as a child. Ice cream vans and the borderline-psychotic-sounding nursery rhymes they pelt out highlighting that green sleeves has nothing to do with ice cream. Having to dance to green sleeves as a child and hating every second of it. Fancy dress when everyone tries. Skittles. Soundtracks. Watching people all pilled up when you're not. Sleep over’s. Disappearing in the grass. Red hair. Fear of technical failure. Stealing things from bins. Filthy anime. Watching Richard and Judy with the sound down. Spending Saturday night in. The Adams Family. Accordions. Shit old hammer horror movie special effects and bad lighting that's far scarier than anything produced post stop-start animation. Gay disco. The snake of lights along motorways at night. 2am drizzle and walking with my eyes on the stars. Childhood spent in trees. Neon signs. Pubby pubs. Quiet bookish type boys. The monotony of it all. Smell of hospitals. Writing lots of post-it-notes to the people you love. Being like Johnny. Dancing to Blondie. Fleeting moments when you feel all reckless and young. Camden Town, hating the commercialization of it and playing the “tupown-ne-selection” game. Gillette adverts. Arty types who don’t need a qualification to lie to themselves. Batman related remarks … Batman! Insta-gib! The magic lean that Robert Plant does to keep his trousers on and his tackle in.

I'd like to meet:


Let the listing commence for ever more.
To be honest I would never wish to meet my heroes, in fear of disappointment and rejection. Why Peel never wanted to know the bands he loved so much, god I love that man.
A sane person.
Mordechai Anielewicz, one of lifes unsung heroes.
Terry Pratchett.
Robert Barr.
Albert Einstein.
God?
People gone by.
The man who dreamt up that little stick kid on fire on the back of matchboxes.
Every last Soldier to serve in either World War.
Galileo Galilei.
Robert Plant.
A girl who once beat me on Street Fighter II aboard a P&O ferry on the way to Calais in the year 2001. Teach me! You had red hair and wore a skirt, I looked, well, scruffy.
Groucho Marx.
Charlie Brooker, you angry man you.
Herbert George Wells.
Shigeru Miyamoto.
Marylyn Monroe, I like calling her "Norma" Bless her.
Wilhelm Richard Wagner.
John Lennon.
Arthur Fellig, aka "Weegee".
Jimi Hendrix.
Gerry Anderson.
Joe Strummer.
Fritz Lang.
Georges Prosper Remi.
Karl Marx.
All the dead relatives I never knew.
Geoffrey Chaucer.
George Lucas, I shall slap him then embrace his Jabba neck.
Optimus Prime, the classic prime.
Woody Allen.
Batman.
Oscar Wilde.
Ernesto Guevara de la Serna, Che.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Mickey the Head and Shoulders prick in a dark alley, I equipped with two bricks and his testicles exposed.
Myself.

My Blog

Welcome to the Tesco Generation:

We pledge allegiance to the bag ... ...
Posted by Shatners Bassoon on Thu, 06 Mar 2008 02:14:00 PST

So much for blogging.

Yeah, I said I was going to blog, I lied. I didn't blog, who cares? Do people read these? Do you even feel compelled to comment? Meh, life sucks, Im off to Norfolk soon, no computer, no job, no frien...
Posted by Shatners Bassoon on Tue, 30 Oct 2007 05:02:00 PST

Bleh, Blog Blog Blog

From henceforth I shall blog, and blog away I will. Tune in for my tales of Cyprus as I laze around on a beach drinking, reading and crashing a moped. Snarf snarf!
Posted by Shatners Bassoon on Mon, 17 Sep 2007 06:51:00 PST

The individual should not be sacrificed

--------------------------------------------- An extract from the diary of Lieutenant Colonel Mervin Willett Gonin DSO who was among the first British soldiers to liberate Bergen-Belsen in 1945. -----...
Posted by Shatners Bassoon on Tue, 01 May 2007 05:20:00 PST