about me. where to even start... i stand as an example, not a model; an observable creature of complexity with innate inner faults and motives, all seen from the gleam of my behaviors and actions. i'm juxtaposed upon scientific evolution and torn from spiritual justifications; with the instinct for survival but the deficiency of external beliefs. my mind is immaterial, where my thoughts, loves, concerns, and stresses could never be touched, never tangible to the outside, for it is alone; it is alone in a material world, and with the material world comes my material body: punished and traumatized from the years of physical torture and dramatic happenings of my life, from the careless mistakes to the mindful ones. but together i am a composition of hope, the interconnectivity of two worlds. whether it be right from wrong where my guilty conscious holds in a lie and forth a smile. whether it be love and hate where my gratitude is briefly masked by my attitude. or whether it be pain and happiness where self sacrifice lay the answer to my utilitarian approach to comfort and desire. i'm infallible: my world lies in the eyes of the beholder. i have high and low levels: reactions and responses from simple perspiration to complex reasoning. my life is a premise: if i can imagine, creatively contemplate, and dream the thought, t, then i can control the genesis of t, through motivation, m, strength, s, and passion, p. i mean my words translate to confusion, read between the lines and there is nothing there, veracity lies in the connections. the connections between each node of systematic construction and then their continuous relation with the other nodes. suddenly, my words are strange structures of tubes. tubes in conjunction with every memory, every face, every event, every smell, every taste, and every feeling from my forever aging life. i'm particular, when i can be. i'm full of uncertainties and indecisive speculations on how to do this and how to do that. with every person i have ever met, comes a symbolist database- processing-profiling-system. the processes are forever ongoing and forever recording. those most important in my life congest the most bites, rightfully using the most space. see from this five minute preview that i am this, i am me. i am that first kiss, i am that first fight. i'm that slap across the face, the butterflies which cause a speech drought. i'm those emotions building and building, one upon another; i'm that same instant where those emotions crash and burn, hurting like nothing ever felt, worse than a cut or bruise. i'm that walk, i'm that talk, i'm the front of something better than what you actually are. i'm that one memory. i'm the thought lingering in the back of your mind. i'm those good intentions but that worse outcome. i'm cheerfully scandilous, and i'm angerly excited. i'm the mistake you regreted, and i'm the mistake you couldn't now live without. i'm the person you want to change but can't. i'm that part of you: that drinks too much, smokes too often, falls for tricks, makes too many mistakes, doesn't listen well, is invoked by temptation, and doens't think things through. i'm that song in which you can't understand.
i write those words that pictures can't describe.
