♥m@nDa♥

Define Yourself:
Amanda Ah'man'Duh NOUN 1. A 21st century optimist with philosophical ideas on the world around her who enjoys feeling the sunlight on her face and frequently plays powerball with her mother bear.2. A mass of hopes and dreams crunched into one small area of space who believes in studying in coffee shops, wearing glasses, and whale watching. 3. A complex-minded homosapien who enjoys reading the dictionary, drawing abstract artsy objects and stands pro for diversity, free will, and catchin' fitch.
I live for the thrill.I am an entity of fragmented identities. I am who I have always wanted to be, a composition of confidence and vitality. The outline of my disposition is entirely genuine, and often mistaken.The more you try to understand, the more absent the answers become. I adapt quickly and without hesitation, if and when I desire to. I am deeper than you think. Intrigued by the abnormal, I am hard to entertain. It is nearly impossible to bring me down, in other words- critisize me and I'll succeed even further, whisper about me behind my back and I'll only hold my head higher, discourage me in any way and I'll become more motivated.I can probably figure you out within 5 minutes of conversing with you. I overindulge myself in rebellion, I strive to succeed, and if failure is approached, I try again and never give up. My name is Amanda, and I make my own rules.
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i keep a sinister smile and a hole in my heart.
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you wanna get inside? then you can get in line.
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but not this time...
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cause he caught me off gaurd.
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♥ When i drive my car...i tend to feel like im in a spaceship.
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When my nose itches...i always get that weird feeling like..hmm...what if someone really is thinking about me naked right now?! awkward.
And then...theres those times...when movies scare me...i have to call someone and talk to em till i fall asleep...with the lights on...
but when i grow up...which i hope i never do...i kinda hope that everything turns out the way i want it to.
but the way i want it is not what you would think..and its a secret.
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I'm not who you thought i was. I'm not who you wish i'd be. and even if i turned out to be all you wanted...ill unexpectably change...just cuz im stubborn like that.
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i enjoy life.
Thats all i really know..
and to be honest...thats all i really care about.
whateves.ooOo dancing.
nothin beats it.
i really wanna rewind and go back to 2 years ago. i miss how innocent and happy i was. I miss going to dance and just knowing that i could always have those girls and guys never mattered and they never broke your heart. I remember those nights when maddie n i would go n buy ben n jerry's n just sit and watch the O.C. n talk about life and everything was so simple. I remember when i had my first kiss and how excited i was...but how gross i thought it tasted...ha...n then i had to call maddie right away to tell her because i had butterflies. I remember our random nights when we'd go to walmart and just mess around or we'd sit in caribou and talk for hours without any sense of time. I remember how we could make the best out of any night...and now....we can't ever hang out with each other unless we all have a plan and we know what we're doing....I remember when i was so shy when it came to guys...i'd get butterflies if anyone even talked to me...ha....n now...its the opposite...I feel uncomfortable talking to girls most of the time. I remember just dancing without a care in the world....
i remember when nothing mattered...
but now everyone is so caught up in this stupid unnecessary tangled web we like to refer to as our lives.
I remember sitting on Lyssa's bed at 3 o'clock in the morning...pulling our first all nighters...staying up real late talking about who we wanted to be in high school....i remember i wanted to be 'popular' and i wanted to have the perfect boyfriend and i wanted to be so much more than what i turned out to be...
but i guess if we try to plan our futures out like that...we only set ourselves up for a disapointment....i think we just need to let things happen...take them as they come...learn from our mistakes...let each situation reflect in our personalities...take from our experiences and mold ourselves into a person we can live with. If we are who we want to be...and we love it....then so will the rest of the world...because as long as we're confident and positive....no one can tell you you're wrong...no one can bring you down. becuase you believe in yourself. and thats all that matters.
I'm not who i wanted to be. I never will turn into that person....and thank god...because for the first time in my life....im in love with who i am...no matter what anyone thinks...no matter how much i miss the past. I love that i can just wake up in the morning and just be happy because i was granted another day....just wake up and be able to throw on whatever n walk out the door looking like a complete mismatched mess and know that it's okay because that's who i am.
a complete mismatched mess.