Nick Sleik - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Just behind me is a 26 year wake of Kegel Exercise and finger puppet sex. I was born without eyelids, so if I look surprised, that's because it's the only facial expression available to me. For starters, I'd like to encourage a healthy dialogue between us. That said, you may notice I have some difficunty spelling certain words, so if you see ANY grammatical errors, please feel free to devour the genitals of a syphilis-ridden panda. Now, a little bit about me... I've always viewed life as a siren-song of flowering gratitude. If we're not giving back, we're giving up. Subsequently, a strong philanthropic desire is emerging inside of me... In addition to holding the world land-speed record for sashay, I'm working on my ultimate goal of teaching sassy forms of walking to needy children in third world countries around the globe. Because why lead a child to water/nutrition, when he/she can walk/limp with sass/attitude? Later, I'm going to generously put them to work making beautiful garments in large factories. Because while 13 cents an hour may not seem like much to you and me - for them, it's 13 cents more than a steaming bowl of tears and despair. As soon as that work is done, I'll be completing a NEW memoire chronicling my years as a land mine hopscotch instructor at an orphanage in Cambodia. (Available for babysitting, catered religious fundraisers and outpatient neuro-surgeries)

My Interests

Face to face openminded dialogue with other musician/engineers about music and gear.

I'd like to meet:

It's tempting to say Jesus Christ, but I'm going with Chuck Norris.

Music:

Jamie Cullum, John Mayer, Aerosmith, Smashing Pumpkins, Dishwalla, Coldplay, Green Day, Blink 182, Silverchair, Matt Nathanson, Howie Day, Stephen Lynch, The Beatles, NIN, Weezer, Postal Service, and "Pallor West" by FERVoR is a highly underrated piece of music. Finally, while playing classical guitar with my feet may be off-putting to some - the accompanying visual, followed by years of therapy more than make up for it.

Movies:

Are a lot like nervous breakdowns. You don't know what they're all about until they're over.

Television:

Is pixels, light and electronics working together to form Dr. Phil.

Heroes:

Sauce. Who doesn't love sauce?

My Blog

Q & A

I've spent the past several hours scrutinizing the messages left in my INBOX. I thought I'd take a moment to answer some of the more frequently asked questions...Q: Do you like kittens?A: Of course I ...
Posted by Nick Sleik on Fri, 22 Sep 2006 08:41:00 PST

STORM TRACKER: 2006 - THE EYE OF TERROR! CHRONICLES OF MITCH NUMBNUTS: WEATHERMAN

I may be alone here, but when I watch Mitch Numbnuts of "Action Weather News!" reporting live from a category 17 hurricane, I kind of hope he gets impaled by something horrifying like a fence post, a ...
Posted by Nick Sleik on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 05:23:00 PST

NINJA SENSITIVITY TRAINING

I guess my favorite thing about Ninjutsu training is wearing comfortable white linens from head to toe, and the seemingly endless supply of Ramin noodle. There comes a point in every young man's life ...
Posted by Nick Sleik on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 05:33:00 PST

SAD NEWS

Sad news. For the third year in a row, I've failed to make the Hezbollah Soccer Team. It's probably the whole "infidel" thing, or because - excluding the tryouts - I've never played soccer. Either way...
Posted by Nick Sleik on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 05:39:00 PST

COMPETITIVE EATING

IFOCE (International Federation of Competitive Eating) proudly recognizes my main man, Patrick Bertoletti, who set an Atlanta record for eating 33 hot dogs in record setting time. Mr. Bertoletti was f...
Posted by Nick Sleik on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 05:42:00 PST

LOTUS

I wasn't around during the Sung Dynasty. If I was, I'd be extremely Chinese. Furthermore, it would make me close to a thousand years old and I doubt my fetid death-husk would possess the requisite mot...
Posted by Nick Sleik on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 06:50:00 PST

LIVE LIKE YOU WERE DYING

Because If you think about it, the worst is ALWAYS yet to come. Sometimes, I look to Country Singing Sensation Tim McGraw, who's inspirational song "Live Like You Were Dying" sends a clear message to ...
Posted by Nick Sleik on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 05:51:00 PST

BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR HIGH SCHOOL LOVE

Initially, what my mother thought was a painful kidney stone, would soon turn out to be an impossibly difficult birth. As a boy, I was terrified of the color "human" and spent most of my time hiding u...
Posted by Nick Sleik on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 06:57:00 PST

CHAIN LETTERS

I love it when people send those chain e-mails that say something at the bottom like, "Now send this to 15 of your friends and loved ones or something bad will happpen to you." And it's entirely TRUE!...
Posted by Nick Sleik on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 05:57:00 PST

DIONNE

As many of you know, Dionne Warwick is a brilliant singer/songwriter and dear, DEAR friend of mine. Recently, I confessed to her that for the past several weeks and change, I'd been performing her son...
Posted by Nick Sleik on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 06:22:00 PST