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I am mediocre individual, often seen operating heavy machinery and reading poetry. On my days off, I translate ethnic slurs for Chinese refugees. I am aspecialist in stucco, a veteran in love, and I am the subject of numerousdocumentaries. Critics worldwide swoon over my innovative line of corduroyeveningwear.While on vacation in Kazakhstan, I successfully talked down a group of terroristswho had apprehended a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Onweekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. On my third AfricanSafari, I scuttled across vast plains on a white buffalo and taught a gorilla to beproficient in sign language in two days. I do not perspire. I am a private citizen, yet Ireceive fan mail. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in internationalbotany circle. I have made extraordinary seven course meals using only a mouli anda toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won cliff-diving competitions in SriLanka, spelling bees at the Kremlin, and I am a champion bullfighter in San Juan.
A long time ago, I once saved a village in the outskirts of Peru from an Army ofBullet Ants with a garden hoe and a glass of water and I also negotiated peace talksbetween Japan & Nigeria. As a child, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle thenrealized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgiveme. I know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop and I couldimagine a world with no hypothetical situations. I have never sneezed, farted,masturbated and the common cold does not affect me.When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I sleep once a week;when I do sleep, I sleep upside down on a chair. My first paying job was to fixelectrical appliances free of charge. I have been known to remodel train stations onmy lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
While I wasan intern at NASA, I discovered the last number for PI. I dofrequent guest appearances on the Jay Leno show, and host Saturday Night Live twicea year.During the holidays, I escort blind people sightseeing, deft people to the opera,and deliver mail to the homeless. I have choreographed a Cirque De Soleil show andI have the ability to detect someone wearing camouflage. I know all the street nameson my block, and can recite every TV shows theme song. While playing baseball inthe Dominican Republic I once threw a no-hitter and had a solo triple play in the samegame. I ignite fireworks on Thanksgiving. I can efficiently manage everything excepttime, resists everything except temptation, and can sketch a perfect circle with my off-hand.
I have entered in private yodeling contests in the Alps, secluded kickboxingtournaments in Thailand, and received a standing ovation for my portrayal of Hamletin France. I have a vast collection of Oscars, Emmys, and ESpys. Every year Peoplemagazine list me as one of the 50 most beautiful people. I can spit faster than thespeed of light and have the capacity to lick my own elbow. I watched the entireseason of ‘24’ in one hour. .
Last Year I was part of an anarchist faction that attained political power, and then Ihad to dissolve our own government due to personal beliefs. Dr. Phil calls me foradvice. I once tried thinking positively but I knew it wouldnt work. When I was in NewYork, I was concerned my HMO called his treatment "practice¨. In Pamplona, the bullsran with me and I courageously rescued two Eskimos from a burning Igloo. I haveperformed several covert operations for the CIA and I precisely know how fasthotcakes sell. Even though I believe in God; I convinced the Pope he does not exists,then I felt horrible so I decided to change his mind, but he was too stubborn. .
I once read The Bible, David Copperfield, and War & Peace in one day and still hadtime to watch The Godfather Trilogy that evening. I know the exact location of everyfood item in the supermarket and I could decipher ancient symbols from Egyptianpyramids.In the movie Ocean's 11, I was a stand-up double for Brad Pitt. I havewritten several episodes for The Simpsons. I have a quarterback rating of 160.9. Iwon a Pulitzer Prize for my theory on "High Achievement Awards and the People whodont care about them". I donate to my local church.During my first trip to Scot land, I photographed the Loch Ness monster. This NewYear's Eve my resolution is to memorize the Periodic Table. My computer has nevercrashed. I believe a word to the wise ain't necessary because it's the stupid ones thatneed the advice. I discovered an unknown color.Later in life, I want to remember the exact moment when I become senile. I stilldont know the key to success but I know the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
I am an abstractartist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Occasionally, I tread water for three daysin a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I cook Thirty-Minute Brownie in Twenty Minutes and I once bitched slapped a Samoan Ninja. OnWednesdays, after school, I train for the Special Olympics. People laugh at my jokeseven without punch lines. When I walk down the street people often ask me aboutreoccurring role in NBC's "Friends". I have every issue of DYNAMITE magazine and Ican pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. Having sex with me is likea Mike Tyson fight; even though it scheduled to go 12 rounds, it may only last 47seconds, but its 47 seconds of intense action, and everyone cant wait for the next Tysonfight. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I amdesperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets and if Liptonemployees take coffee breaks. Years ago, I organized a peaceful demonstration againstprotesters. I've made several slow jam tapes and organize the Song Titles into a Poem. InThe only thing I despise are Indian Givers, actually I take that back. I often reminisceabout my first trip to the general store; they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. My peers often accuse me of being conceited so I decided to better myself and now Im perfect.I cant wait until next week when I learn how to Drive!!!img src="http://members.cox.net/jloyola/Winnie%20The%20Pooh/Hear ts2.gif"
