I'm not sure if I should miss you, but I do
Confused through and through, the decision for distance didnt include you
Im so sad, i cant imagine how abandoned you must feel.
Ima try to do my best with the mess i left and deal with the realness for the best heal.
I regret how i selfishly left my investment to fret for her own on her own
especially even knowing id have a safety net of my own
but the net would only catch one that met the requisite of a prodigal son
so I took the option.
In hindsight the mistake couldve been avoided if I had taken her insight into consideration,but thats not where fate has pointed our places.
We cant chase our tails anymore because the bottom of the rock has a cage with a lock and anymore of what weve done will only keep us from.
But thats okay, the keys are in our hearts and were already on our way, i just hope the boat I set you in docks you in a bay where everything we pray will lead our hearts to where they want to stay.And maybe that will be where they were before, mines sure sore. I miss you.
hey playable weigh a still scale on a table with the skill of a rateable
scientist, plyin this matter off a disk transfer in to a dish makin sure that its fatter than
a crack addicts short shit always the horse bit no choice but to voice your opinion just force it
of course its natural to take it for granted when you dont know that you actually got it from a bandit
so if you cant stand it and you cant handle bein dealt with like a twelve year old kid then you betta break the meld and wake up and smell the roses-
-gross thats just halitosis foamin out of the opponents mouth its what he calls flowin
ha im just sowin the seeds of a motion that will free the peoples notion that we need a needle for sewin.
bows in, im accurate enough to throw a thread through the head of the pin of the point, even when im rough
im fate and i state how i feel cuz im straight to the point cuz im real so take a hit of this joint
and pray that you may be delivered a divine understanding of how and why though youre high that you cant even land close to my towering skyscraper.
how i fly is defined not by size but by wise impartial judges with a tried and true budget that applies to the public who decides who to cut
from the list of best its a system to address a larger problem of duress that bothers all the rest
so they cant get no sleep and the countries economy hits rock bottom in front of me cuz im on the top where i can see the entirity
of how now if we can be anywhere around where you see me then we will all be allowed to be free to seek our destiny eternally.
August 1st, 2008
I sought long for a reason as to why a great man like Johnny passed away, and I've come to understand from what I've seen that his loss is not without great gain. I have seen more life from his death around me in people than I do in day to day life. He brought so many people together in Love with his passing. It gave us all perspective on each others' lives, and cherish far more what we daily take for granted. I've never seen my grandma with as much life and joy as I have with her family around lately. I've never seen her giggle and make jokes as I have lately. I've never seen so many people be so wise and deep as I did at the funeral, and after. All that Johnny was has gone into us, and that gives me hope. With what I feel is happening to the world, I know now that his death was not without great gain. We have learned much from him. And for that, I thank you Johnny, and I thank you, Lord. I just hope we can hold onto those things instead of fading into ourselves, as I do. Remember who he was, and he will never be lost, who he was will never be gone.
Alas, everybody. A great man has come to great tragedy - for reason I still have yet to grapple with. A man who never did anything wrong, a man who was full of love/ As a family, we are struggling right now with the information we have been given by the fine doctors of Straub Hospital. As of Friday, John Standal was pronounced dead in the State of Hawaii, and legally in 48 states total, except NY and NJ, because of Orthodox Jewish beliefs. The cause of death was lack of oxygen to the brain due to severe hemorrhaging and clotting due to a stroke he had at 5-6pm on Thursday evening, while at work. My grandma took him to the hospital where he quickly deteriorated. Finding his blood pressure at 270/145 I believe, he was quickly put on medication, and sent to a CAT scan. The clot was found, and at this point I believe he was unconscious. The decision had to be made rapidly by my Grandma Bluebell to operate. They successfully removed the clot around 2 in the morning. The bleeding continued, lessened, and eventually stopped and remaining blood diffused away, leaving only residual traces. At this point Johnny was on full life support, with medication to adjust his rollercoaster blood pressure. That afternoon, Friday, Grandma, Bob Johnson, and I went to visit him. Seeing Johnny like that was something I will never forget. He is warm, and in hospital garb, breathing mechanically steady. His skin is pink, and he is unresponsive. Tears, words, prayer, strength, weakness. His neurologist and surgeon, Dr. Gerber, came in and spoke with us. He told us what brain death was, that it had occurred, and that he was already pronounced dead. Later we were to find out he had ceased to be under the care of Straub, and was now being supported by the Organ Donor people; a practice I am beginning to find cannibalistic, vulturesque, and insensitive. I suppose it comes with the job. They kindly express no apparent problem with allowing us more time to continue to make our decisions slowly, waiting for more family members, but I can feel some sense of urgency. I found out the next day that because organs begin to deteriorate over time, they want to keep the specimens in best quality. After many words, we were exhausted and left to go home. (I'm going to speed this up a little). My dad, Greg, and Paul Standal flew in the next afternoon and we all went to see John. Again, we had many words and prayers and were visited afterwards by Dr. Hale, his Intensivist. Dr. Hale explained to us a different version of what Dr. Gerber told us, but it was the same story.
John was pronounced "brain dead". From Wikipedia, "In simple terms, brain death is the irreversible end of all brain activity (including involuntary activity necessary to sustain life) due to total necrosis of the cerebral neurons following loss of blood flow and oxygenation. It should not be confused with a persistent vegetative state." A couple required tests were performed earlier to arrive at this diagnosis. We saw no response in him at all. We are currently making no decision, and holding out some hope. We still feel that he could recover: I must elaborate this momentarily. We are waiting for his ex-wife, the woman of his life, whom he loved most deeply. I believe after speaking with her that she is a bastion, a great hope for us. She will not give up that hope that he can be brought back, and with a touch of God, a miracle, he can be healed and wake up. So right now, we are waiting for her to arrive tomorrow, Sunday at 8:55 PM, and we are also going to have a "brain profusion" test done. This test will show us if there is any blood flow to any regions of the brain, which will help us to understand if there is any medical possibility of recovery.
I know in my heart that even if he is fully accepted as medically dead, he still has a spiritual chance of revival. Even if Lepa's fervent prayer and love, combined with all his friends and family do not help him, that that is God's will, his fate in this universe. Even if all the people in the world held hands and prayed for John and it did not change, I do know that if it was God's will he could wake up. With enough belief, and enough faith, and enough love anything can be done, if it is God's will. I am bothered by the lack of faith presumed by all of the staff I have met at Straub so far, but with their experience I suppose that is what they know, what they believe. I just wish he was being cared for by people who do believe he can live. If the hands touching you believe you are already dead, I cannot see the healing power necessary in that in a case like this. I know that Jesus was resurrected, and he has been the only person I know of that God has willed to be allowed so. For such a benevolent, humble, caring, innocent man I still hope that he will be granted an exception.
I love you Johnny, and we all love you. We will never forget you, and in that, you will never pass away.
Such a blessed generation we are, given the chance to appreciate limitless opportunity. Embrace when chance brings change. Only you can manifest destiny.