I'd like to meet:
Anybody who has lost a loved one to suicide or who just has a kind word to say
After a suicide bereavement:
"Those left behind are faced by a triple loss; that from
death, rejection and disillusionment...suicide takes
away one's feelings of self worth. "
FEELINGS
I truly believe that losing someone you love to suicide produces a very different type of grief and is one of the most devastating things that can happen to a person.
Feelings, which have never been experienced before can often be frightening in their intensity. Shock and disbelief, numbness and disorientation can leave you emotionally empty, and feeling apart from the real world. Your feelings may take over your life for a time, how long depends on many things, but for everyone it will be different.
SYMPTOMSThe shock of any sudden death gives rise to real phvsical and emotional symptoms. These can include:• tightness in the chest
• hollow feelings in the stomach
• breathlessness
• lack of concentration
• exhaustion
• lethargy
• physical pain
These feelings are completely normal. In many ways they act as a 'cushion', to enable the survivor to cope with this terrible situation in which they find themselves.
GUILT
Guilt is often an overriding emotion, survivors feeling in some way responsible for the death and that the death was somehow preventable. The “if onlys" and "what ifs" come to mind over and over again:
• "Could we have prevented this?
• "Did we actually contribute towards it?"
• “We should have seen the signs"
• "We are to blame!"
The nature of suicide means that these feelings can take over your life. And the questions can never truly be answered. All I can say is that after seven years, I have reached a point where I no longer have to ask them.
ANGER
Anger is a normal part of grieving - and this is especially so following a suicide. These feelings need to be acknowledged and expressed.
I think that anger is sometimes unacknowledged because of its connection with the feelings of guilt. When Joe first died I had such swings of emotions – from feeling angry at him, to feeling guilty, to blame, to anger – at times I felt out of control.
When someone you love ends their own life these feelings of anger can be magnified. It may not always be aimed at the person who has died but rather at those who you feel contributed in some way to their death.
REJECTION
When someone you love dies by suicide, feelings of rejection may come to the fore. That they rejected you, that other people are rejecting you. You may be very sensitive to what people say and do for sometime. The slightest remark or comment may bring feelings of rejection rushing to the surface. In time you will become less sensitive.
RELIEF
There may be a sense of relief following a suicide. It may be difficult to admit to this but it is not an uncommon emotion especially if you have lived with someone who suffered from depression and had attempted suicide before. Even though you may feel devastated by their suicide it would only be natural for you to be relieved that they are no longer suffering.
ISOLATION
Society’s attitude to suicide is changing, but the support that is available to those bereaved by suicide is still limited. The opinions of others towards suicide may reinforce feelings in you of shame, of being judged and ‘being different’. You may be left feeling isolated and removed from ‘normal’ society, with no opportunity to speak of your loss.
