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I feel as if I am buried alive, Yet I smile and respond with “Fine, thank you.” I have been appropriately conditioned That no one wants to hear of another’s painful truth.An essential part of me, a limb, A constituent of my earthly being Has been violently amputated. Yet I laugh at the mediocre conversations, A verbal splash in a shallow puddle, Pretending to be a player of the words That no longer have meaning.My heart has been ripped from my chest No benevolence granted, No explanation, No apologies. Only cataclysmic pain. Only agony. No anesthesia remains, just the bitter pain. Yet day to day I wear my mask.Pretending I fit in But really I’m a foreigner to this new land; An alien language they speak And as I attempt to translate the words, Still, they mean nothing to me.Sequestered in the mask They hear not the words that play in my head Nor the music I am surrounded by Nor the words I speak Nor the pain I echo Nor the native language of my eyes. They will never really know me Behind the mask of my newly found Mere existence.

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They can blame me, they can continue to lie to me, and they can even try and take everything that mattered away, but the one thing they will never take is the love between us. I couldn't keep his wishes or the promises he asked me to keep all because of a piece of paper that we never attained, but he sees and he knows....if only they knew. He was always so honest and genuine, and we should learn to be more like him. To everyone who have expressed their sorrows and condolences, their concerns and love, I thank you. So many continue to stand behind me, those who knew Ricky & me, and for that I am very lucky.