they were champs
wow. so he just left? there comes a point in everyone's life when they just start seeing things differently, or, you know, they're put in a situation where they have to. i guess it was just his night. if you don't mind, what's his name? his name is matt, and i think his father's name is matt, too, but i don't know. okay, so, what happened next? where did he go from there? well, he stood in his girlfriend's dorm room for a little while. he couldn't stay there long. i think her father actually felt bad for him, so he offered him a job as a file clerk in his law firm. nothing special, just sorting papers. i heard dad made him a deal, and said, 'if you take this job seriously and you start going to school and you're serious about my daughter, i'll help you guys out with an apartment.' so, he took it. i mean, maybe matt didn't really want that, maybe he didn't really want to go to school or work at a place like that, but he also wanted to prove to his father that he was better off without him, that he wasn't a waste. he also knew that making that deal with her dad would make his dad so much more mad because he hated her father. he always said how lazy he was, and he steals people's money, and he doesn't have a real job, and he doesn't know what it's like to work. i guess that's the motivation he needed to straighten out his life, but i don't really think they ever talked again anyway, so i don't think it really mattered.
sounds like he made out pretty good. yeah, i guess. he started a life, went to school, had a job, got married. he was even gonna be a lawyer. everything seemed great. the only problem was, he went from wanting nothing to wanting everything, more than he even knew what to do with. you see, sometimes when you get that taste of wanting things, you only want for yourself. if you ask me, that's where it gets dangerous.
so, what you're saying is, he grew up his whole life being tortured practically, and as soon as he finally gets a taste of what normal life is like, something huge happens, like an unexpected baby. he gets scared. he thinks he can't do it, so he panics, and still being a kid himself, he does what any kid should do, and asks his parents for help. that seems pretty normal to me. no, you don't understand. see, they didn't just leave him there for a weekend while they got the house straightened up for him. they left him for weeks, for months, left him for years.
see, the deal was that her parents would take care of the kid until they got their feet on the ground, because they both have full-time jobs and weren't financially stable yet, so they say. but her mom would always ask, 'when you gonna pick up dean?' the baby. and they'd say they didn't have time, or they weren't ready. you know, time passed quick and he wasn't a baby anymore, and none of them really had the heart to tell him that his parents were too busy for him, didn't have time for him. so, he never knew that his aunt and uncle were actually his mom and dad. so, they never picked him up? no, but they did send checks every week to pay for his expenses. well, that's good, but i thought they couldn't afford it. that was why they couldn't pick him up, right? yeah.
so, what was it like growing up for dean? well, he kept to himself most of the time. he watched a lot of tv, and he wasn't like - wait, i got it. he didn't have many friends, and his mom and dad/grandma and grandpa were always just a little bit too tired to play, so when he was around kids, he would just sit in the corner and occupy himself, because that's all he knew how to do. i mean, how would he know any different? wow, that's pretty good. yeah, i can relate. well, sadly, a while after his twelfth birthday, his grandmother suddenly got sick. and that's how... and that's how...
so, wow. that's a pretty hard way to find something like that out. yeah, i know. see, the best part is when they were telling me, i guess my reaction wasn't the most positive, so they tried to play this guilt trip, like, uh, you know...
after i learned about my parents, they asked me to live with them, and i didn't want to, but i really had no choice. so i finished out the school year where i was. i lived with my grandfather, and then i moved in with them. and you know what? it was great. i was happy. i was happy and i knew it. i clapped my hands. yeah. if it was only like that. oh, well. what can you do? it was hard then, and i already was really bad with people skills, and i had to start all over pretty much. anything that i felt secure with was gone, but you know what, it was probably the only time in my life that i was actually excited to go to school, not to learn or to get made fun of, but to get out of the house, get away from them. now that i think about it, i don't think school was any easier.
well, the next few years were probaly the slowest, most uncomfortable years of my life. they tried to make it easy, but they gave up pretty quickly. i'm not gonna lie, i didn't make it easy on them either. i could just never forgive them. you know, but i'm the kind of person who believes that everything happens for a reason, and you know, i'm kind of glad that i was so miserable counting down the days 'til i was eighteen, so i could leave. because the way it worked for me, there was this one day where i was in the right place at the right time. now, i'm not the type of person that just goes get what i want. i usually wait for it to casually come to me. something hit me that day like a ton of bricks. i know it sounds cheesy, but i fell in love, and that's what kept me there for the next few years. i would've ran away if it wasn't for her. well, it was just the same as any day. i was looking to run far from the school, and i was at the door ready to go when i heard some books hit the floor. so, then i stopped, jaw dropped, i said, this must be love, cause when i pulled myself together you were already gone. i screamed, "wait a minute!" listened to the voice in my head, it said, "kid, you better run 'cause she's getting away with it." so, i chased after her, running down the hallways, running up to her and grabbed her arm, actually just stood there frozen, didn't know what to say to her. i think she kinda felt the same thing so it worked out. i felt like i had a reason to finally be happy, you know. she would be the first person in my life who was completely honest with me. i had a reason to trust. when i was with her, it just felt like my problems with my parents didn't seem too big anymore. oh well, i just didn't care about them.
but for some reason, the closer i got with her, the harder my father would get me to stop seeing her. it was like he didn't want me to be happy or something. not like he would ever do that, right? he would tell me i was wasting my time with her. i should concentrate on where i'm going to college. you know, i didn't want to go to college. so, when graduation came around, i saw a completely different side of him, the side i always knew was there. he would say that i was gonna throw away my life, that i was gonna make a terrible mistake, i guess something he was familiar. he would tell me i was gonna be a loser and people wouldn't respect me. that was also the day he told me about the mistake he made: me. i guess that was supposed to scare me straight. oh, well.
"no, you're just being selfish, kid."
"selfish? you didn't even raise me. you dumped me off so you could go and make something of yourself and care about no one but yourself."
"you don't have any idea what my life was like. when i was eighteen, i was on my own, supporting myself and your mother, working two jobs and going to school. you know how hard it was to watch someone else raise my son? you think it's easy to live with that decision?"
"shut up, at least you were able to make a decision."
"you want to make a decision? what are you going to do, huh? you're not going to get anywhere playing patty-cake all day with that girlfriend of yours. you wouldn't be able to survive one day in the real world. you have no money, have no job, no common sense. you have no idea what it takes to survive on your own."
so, that was it. i was on my own, just me and my girl. i had a little money left in my savings from all the checks my parents sent when i was young. see, my grandparents never used 'em, they just put 'em in a savings account for me. i never touched it. i guess it's because i always had a feeling something like this would happen one day. anyway, we were happy, maybe a little scared. we were kids just out of high school. i think we just really didn't know what to do, but i got a job at a coffee shop. emily got a job at a pet shop. we weren't making good money, but we were surviving.
this is literally just what i listen to all the time. i listen to loads more bands.
i love hawthorne heights, but i stopped listening to them after casey died.