Dad: "that guy's not gay... you know how you can tell...the muscles.."
Niles: "...good point,Dad...second tipoff, no poodle"
..The Manly Way of Life
The Manly Man is a swaggering man, carrying himself with pride and self-assurance.
Check
He is not a follower and may not be a leader but, is unswayed by external forces. He goes where he wants, wears what he wants and says what he wants with no fear of condemnation.
Working on it.
A real man may even eat quiche if it pleases him.
Check. Eat it all the time.
The Manly Man is not a quitter.
Check
Comfort and difficulty do not deter the Manly Man. He does his job to the fullest. He does not whine or moan about the task at hand but rather works beyond the call of duty. The Manly Man does not bitch. His attitude is "can do" or even better "will do".
On occasion
..
..
The Manly Man eats, he does not pick and sort his food. He knows how to order and can pick his own wine or drink. He likes spicy and robust foods and has a fondness for meat. He is not a vegetarian. If the Manly Man is required to prepare the food he prefers to cook with fire and may even use a red hot exhaust manifold under the hood of his car. The only magic he might use is the microwave, because of the possibility this method carries for "blowing things up".
Yes.
The Manly Man loves cars.
I like cars.
The manly car can be almost any car, except such blatantly girly cars such as pink Cadillacs. Color can play a part. It could possibly be a Gremlin or other AMC product. If the manly man must drive a "heap" he must know how to make it run. Remember his work ethic and self reliance. Most manly men can do up to 80 percent of their own mechanic work. Hot metal, burning oil and caustic chemicals are the manly man's world.
Working on it.
Manly cars must serve their purpose first. ie. a heap with a boom-boom stereo is not manly.
Check. I have a regular stereo.
The Manly Man does not need air conditioning, a stereo or other worldly environmental controls.
Oh, yes I do
The Manly Man lives with the world he is dealt, besides what manly man has time to listen to the radio with all the wonderful mechanical music being made by his machine. This is why you will see manly men in loud machines.
OK, this is taking it a little too far.
The Manly Man likes to be entertained. He likes manly music. His music is a reflection of his way of life. It is not the Top-40 music made for the masses. It is honest, loud and individual.
Failure on this one.
The Manly Man also like's movies. A favorite actor of the Manly Man is Clint Eastwood. There are a few things that distinguish and manly movie. Number one is smoke. A manly movie must have some form of smoke. It may come from tires, guns, fires or best of all explosions. The manly movie should also have women, but is not necessary. (ie Patton, Apocalypse Now)
Does Best Friend's Wedding count? If so, check.
Manly men DO wear:
* Tattoos, tattoos, tattoos - if you don't have one, get one.
Got one
* Boots - cowboy, military, work (any old kind).
Check.
* Leather - maybe not all the time, but the darker the better, preferably black.
This is sounding more and more like the Village People.
* Jeans. Denim. - may be accompanied with white tee shirts.
Check.
* Dark colors - reds, browns, black, dark blue (gives them that ominous look).
Check.
* Jewelry.
Check.
* Facial hair. This is definitely masculine (on both men and women). Beard, mustache, goatee, stubble.
Can't. I'd get fired.
* Collars of shirts unbuttoned (that "ready for action" look)
Check.
* You have to smoke something - if you don't smoke, just get some cigars, cut 'em off short, and chew on the stubs (like Hannibal in the A-Team - or Clint Eastwood in any number of westerns).
I'll start tomorrow.
* You drive something utilitarian - preferrably with 4 wheel drive.
I guess.
* Scars or missing digits (fingers or toes) - signs of a violent and mysterious past.
I cut my finger slicing a carrot once. If you look real close you can see it.
A veritable chick magnet.
Check. But I'm trying to change that.
Manly men DON'T wear:
* Sweaters. Ever.
I must because my mom always gives me sweaters as gifts. She'll disown me if I don't wear them. Don't get the wrong idea...I'm no Mama's boy.
..
..well, I used to be, I guess.
* Slip on shoes of ANY type. Loafers are for weenies.
What about flip-flops?
* Pastels
Of course not.
* Buttoned up collars
Check.
* Cologne - it covers up that raw manly scent - this is a BAD thing.
I'll stop.
Please note: if you dress like "Biff the Yuppie" you are a weenie. If you dress like "Snake Pliskin" you are a manly man.
