All of my close friends know that I am married. I have been seperated from my husband for a little over 3yrs now. The reason I am saying this is sometimes I'm a selfish fake. And you are always the true friend. I don't deserve you because Im not there for you, please forgive me again, I want to be there for you...Someone you can come too runs deeper than my bones...The sun kisses the earth and hushes my urge to cry. I often wonder what it would have been like for me to never have left my husband, I won't go into details why we seperated. If you are my friend you know the true reasons... I guess I was trying to put behind me the everything that caused the destruction, the ending. I know now that I cannot live in a lie, my reasons for being here have forever been altered dreams have diminished and I am disappering in the darkenss of guilt, shame and pain...I will forever want the taste of forgiveness in my mouth and feel the truth on my skin..I will live knowing that I have had love, passion, respect and kindness but know now that it will always be out of my reach. What makes a marriage break? Is it the fact that your partner forgets you? Forgets that you exsist? Forgets that they want you? Overlooks everything that you do? Keeps you drowning in sorrow until you feel like your heart will just blow out of your chest? Makes you think crazy thoughts? Makes you think your ugly and not good enough? Communication lacking, love lost, feelings trampled...Whats left? Whats left is whats gone and whats gone cant ever come back....
Can you?
I have felt love. I have felt whole. I have felt tears of happiness. I have been loved and let go. I have loved and let go also. When does it end? When do you stop regretting and letting things eat at you until you are empty? I've been so empty. I've been hiding my emptiness and now I'm getting lighter...I am floating. Away...
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