This is where i met Michael, who appeared to be a nice young black chap handing out candy to minors in the back of his van. He enslaved me and forced me to provide my triangle skills for his musical project. The project became a world wide success, however he ditched everybody who had helped him become famous. This included Slash, formerly of Guns N Roses, and myself. As revenge we alleged that he had sexual relationships with minors and put bleach in his water supply.
It was the lowest ebb of my life and I decided to flee with his bodyguard Chuck Norris. We hitchhiked to a then unknown country, Australia. By this time I was five and was sick of being constantly in the harsh spotlight of being a celebrity.
I enrolled in school and began working as a janitor for Bill Gates between school and my 7pm bed time. This is where I developed basic technological skills, inventing such items as Tamagochi's, Pokemon and iPods in my spare time. After a couple of years a decided that I had reached the pinnacle of my janitorial career and decided it was time to move on.
It was about this time that I discovered that I was not the child of a Russian cosmonaut and an African Deer hunter but I was actually the illegitimate son of Yoda and Queen Elizabeth I. I co-operated with the CIA who where trying to cover up the issue and I was adopted by a relatively nice couple living in a small village dubbed 'the dong'.
I now have a number of siblings including, but probably not limited to:
Ben (AKA pigtails): The old man of the family, currently sports a devilish pedophile mustache. Not a bad kid, a bit limited but has good taste in music. Fuck You for seeing Stone Sour. Honorable mention to Nancy, your a good minion at work.
Jo: The big sister of the family, a good excuse to stop by Brisbane. Another good kid, probably has a bright future ahead. This bloke named Dan follows her around a bit, posssibly a stalker?
Tom (AKA Fatomi): Definitely the boagan of the family. Spends countless hours adjusting his afro and getting his flanno on just right. Has recently joined the cult of 80's metal bands. Get with the times fuckbag! Oh, and unpack the dishwasher.
Ruby: The cute kid of the family, a product of the mating of my eBay mum and my dad. Can already speak more languages than the average person and likes Hi5 even more than me, and thats saying something.
Browny (AKA guiseppi): Your rent for this spot is now overdue. To re-advertise for this spot please phone 1300 665 356. He isnt a bad kid I guess. Well except for the that thing you did at schoolies. You know the "thing" im talking about dont you. By the way, hes not actually related, i mean look at us, hes the tanky, short wog and im the slightly taller, skinny redhead.
But bugger them, back to me:
In the past years since then I have taken up a number of hobbies including footy, cricket and I even joined the professional connect 4 tour. After a few years plugging away at Albury Juniors I decided to give footy away, much to the dismay of Richmond who had been trying to lure me into the pre-season draft (they instead chose Trent Knobel, who i can safely say i am better than).
I better wrap this up, its long winded but what can i say im pretty intersesting. If you want to hear all about my brief stint working as a roadie to an unknown supergroup consisting of Trent Reznor, Maynard James Keenan, Josh Freese, Matt Bellamy, Tom Morello, God and a zombie Kurt Cobain add me: [email protected]
These days I work 6000 hours a week and spend my spare time getting wooed off my balcony at Schoolies by mint chicks named Jess. I still play triangle at the local bingo hall on the third Thursday of every month and have a tattoo enforcing the undeniable fact that I love Brad Chitty on my left ass cheek. Dont be weird about it.
Myspace Codes / Myspace Layouts
I made this music player at MyFlashFetish .com.
