Kevin Paul Wood - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Music will forever be my bride...til death do us part.
Some say life throws a wicked curveball. Some say it's a way of life to throw the curveball yourself. Me? I am the curveball.
Give me the chance and I will show you what I can do. Walk away, and you'll never know. Ever.
I believe that a waitress at a restaurant, although she lives off her tips, should earn it. She doesn't have to kiss my ass, but she should at least be friendly, outgoing, and have gigantic breasts.
One out of every ten of my dreams involves the A-bomb. Scary shit.
I host karaoke in bars five nights out of the week for my income. It's not a bad gig. You should see some of the crazy fuckers who think they can sing.
I don't have a political view on things, but there are some things about the way its all run that I would love to change. Cest La Vie.
I would like to know who came up with the system for the way the letters are laid out on a keyboard. Whoever it was must have been a genius... could you imagine the letters being any other way?
I love black people. Especially Kelly Williams. I love white people, especially DJ Nizzle, and I love little short Asians, especially Sonny.
This is the most I've ever had in my "about me" section.
Brad Pitt thoroughly enjoys this peanut butter.
I once danced in a speedo to the song, "I'm Too Sexy," by Right Said Fred. Normal right? Everyone has... but I was 8 years old and my mom was videotaping. Beat that one, David Hernandez!
I firmly believe that to be happy, you must first do three things: have a lot of friends, have a lot of money, and have gigantic breasts.

My Interests

Writing and playing music, singing, Literature, Writing fiction;poetry, Sensuality, Life, Death, Expression, the sixties, and most of all--I have a keen sense for the absurd.

I'd like to meet:

The first person to take an online survey and pass it around, and then take ANOTHER survey with many of the same questions and pass it out equally---so I can smack them in the head. I hope a grizzly bear wipes its ass on your face.
Oh, and Gilligan.

Music:

DUDE THIS KID IS MY HERO!
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"If I only had a dollar for every song I've sung...and every time I've had to play while people sat there drunk... you know I'd catch the next train back to where I live..."
-Creedence Clearwater Revival

"To me, music was an escape from working in a furniture warehouse. It still feels like that. And at the end of the day, does it matter how many people are standing in front of you when you play a song? You're still going to play music. I'd be just as happy as I am now if I was at the shithole down the street playing Creedence covers for six people"
- Dave Grohl

Down to the earth I fell with dripping wings--heavy things won't fly--And the sky might catch on fire and burn the axis of the world that's why I prefer a summer sky...to the glittering and stinging in my eyes.
-- Nina Gordon
"Pardon me for my irrationality"
-- Josh Holmes

Movies:

Beavis and Butthead Do America, Pet Sematary. House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, any zombie movie no matter how ridiculus. They oughta have a movies you hate section here.
"Life is pain...anyone who tells you any differently is selling something."--from The Princess Bride

Television:

The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm, South Park, and, yes I am watching it this season...American Idol. Fuck you for judging me.

Books:

The Catcher in the Rye. Pet Sematary, etc, etc, etc

Heroes:

Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines. Raphael is cool, but rude, Michaelangelo is a party dude. Oh, and Gilligan

My Blog

Say... I wonder if....

I wonder if anyone ever mooned the president. Would secret service have to kick that dude's bare ass? I wonder if fish breastfeed. Do fish even have breasts? I guess not. Although I once referred to ...
Posted by Kevin Paul Wood on Tue, 29 Apr 2008 08:34:00 PST

Life behind the guitar...

In such a vicious age for rock and roll music, it's a wonder that anyone even tries anymore. Stepping out onto a stage in front of a group of people who are not only unaware of the value of such...
Posted by Kevin Paul Wood on Wed, 16 Apr 2008 05:14:00 PST

fluff

It’s funny, really. I sat down to write this insightful blog about irony and the day to day struggle that leaves me hanging on by a thread... but somehow can’t find the energy in me to put...
Posted by Kevin Paul Wood on Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:27:00 PST

Missing...

Feels like something's missing. Like there's something that used to plant itself in my dreams every night that just quit coming around all of a sudden. Or maybe there used to be a picture on the wall ...
Posted by Kevin Paul Wood on Wed, 05 Mar 2008 02:15:00 PST

aww...and my week was going so good! Read about today’s car accident.

Normally, I would have made fun of someone who had run into a parked car. Today, though, it happened to me, and it wasn't my fault. I turned the corner onto the street where my boss lives and lost con...
Posted by Kevin Paul Wood on Wed, 27 Feb 2008 11:41:00 PST

MAD FUCKER MAGAZINE PRESENTS

MAD FUCKER MAGAZINE PRESENTS SURVEY FROM THE BOWELS OF HELLLLL!by K.W. ............................................................ ............................................................ ............
Posted by Kevin Paul Wood on Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:50:00 PST

One Foot Out The Door

I'm officially still awake at 8:12 A.M. and I'm thinking crazy. I'm seriously thinking about getting in my car with all the money I can gather and driving west until the front end of my car is kissing...
Posted by Kevin Paul Wood on Sun, 27 Jan 2008 06:28:00 PST

The Holiday Cometh Oh No!

"The Holiday Cometh. Oh No!" by Kevin Wood Again, we stand at the threshhold of the holiday season. Folks are ready to throw it into fifth gear to prepare for the one thing they try for year in and ye...
Posted by Kevin Paul Wood on Fri, 30 Nov 2007 02:40:00 PST

They saw what you did, and they’re coming for you in the end...

Dear reader, how can I thank you for once again joining me for a block of Mad Fucker fun? First, I'll start by rubbing peanut butter on my feet and laughing. After that I'll kidnap an ostrich and take...
Posted by Kevin Paul Wood on Sat, 10 Nov 2007 02:14:00 PST

To whom it may concern.

A Letter To Someone There you were sitting happy upon your mark, sinking deep into the comforts of what seemed like innocent bliss. Sweat and pain were endured to achieve such a level of optimism and ...
Posted by Kevin Paul Wood on Wed, 17 Oct 2007 02:59:00 PST