About Me
Ah, I guess it's about time I gave the space the love and affection it deserves.About me? Where do I start? Well, I was born in a dumpster in Harlem; a crack baby in a rough, cold world. As you may have guessed by the dumpster setting of my birth, I never knew my real parents, though I am pretty proud of mom for squeezing my pre-mature ass out in heaps and heaps of day old Chinese food. Early on, I was reared by various groups of wild animals, including, but not limited to, wolves, mountain lions, beavers, and schools of fish (how I learned to breathe underwater). Unfortunately, I was discovered, at about the tender age of seven, to have a rare genetic disorder causing me to do awesome at everything I did, and also allowing me to fly. After making such breakthoughs as patenting Velcro, discovering Pluto (the former planet and the Disney cartoon dog), breaking the sound barrier, winning the Super Bowl, finding Waldo, and inventing water (all me), I was captured by a band of evil shape-shifting gypsies. In a fashion very similar to that of Jesus Christ, I sold them my soul to save the rest of mankind from their wrath. Now, I live everyday incognito, trying my best to pose as an ordinary, pale, scrawny, 19 year old, only hoping one day to conquer the gypsies once and for all and regain my soul from their clutches. Until then, I'll continue living life this way and you can hit me up on the space. Maybe someday I'll take this seriously
