athazagoraphobia

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet someone real. Someone who knows who they are and what they want and can express it well enough so that I don't have to guess. I'm not a fucking mindreader, and I don't expect you to be one either. Someone who's not so fucking stuck on looking back that they can't see wtf they've got in front of em. Someone who's willing to back up words with actions. Cause words are meaningless otherwise, you know? Is there anyone like that left out there? I sincerely hope so.

[Update:03 Jun 07]
Know what it comes down to? Three very simple things that I will never live without again in a relationship:

1. Loyalty. Don't be a whore. Not a physical one, not an emotional one. If I'm bothering to take the time to be with you, every other woman can piss off for all I care. Loyalty. I'm not saying you can't have friends, look nice when you go out, whatever. But if you're crushin on every fuckin guy you work with or whatever, there's obviously a fucking problem. Be loyal. Don't waste my time, I promise I won't waste yours.

2. Honesty. Tell the truth. I don't care how much it sucks, I don't care if it makes you look bad, I don't care if you think it'll be the end of our friendship/relationship. Tell me the fucking truth. It hurts less than being lied to; I don't care what it is, it always hurts less than being lied to and finding out the truth later...

3. Communication. Talk to me. There are very few problems/annoyances/screw-ups/whatever that can't be solved with open honest discussion. If you don't talk, if you don't indicate there's a problem, I may not know. If you just shut down and shut me out cause there's a problem, and I don't know what it is, it'll just piss me off, cause I'm confused... and that'll just make it worse. Just like with the honesty: No matter how unpleasant, I would rather know than wonder. I would rather believe you've got that much respect for me, instead of being blindsided by some bullshit outta nowhere. Just like with honesty: It'd hurt worse to think the problem coulda been solved before it became too late if you'da just opened your mouth.

Three things... is that too much to ask?

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Joshua
Birthday: October 24 (Scorpio, bitches!)
Current Location: Greenville, SC
Eye Color: Light Blue
Hair Color: Dark Brown/Black
Height: bout 5'11
Right Handed or Left Handed: Left
Your Heritage: little o' this, little o' that
The Shoes You Wore Today: black boots... same as every day...
Your Weakness: love
Your Fears: rejection, abandonment, athazagoraphobia
Your Perfect Pizza: pepperoni and pineapple
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: pfft... new year's resolution? how about graduating successfully n gettin a decent freakin job?
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: lol
Thoughts First Waking Up: "huh? wha? oh... I'm still here..."
Your Best Physical Feature: eyes
Your Bedtime: whenever the insomnia lets go
Your Most Missed Memory: ehhh... we'll not go there...
Pepsi or Coke: Dr. Pepper.... or root beer... or something with lotsa caffeine
MacDonalds or Burger King: neither?
Single or Group Dates: date? lol...
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea's quite yummy....
Chocolate or Vanilla: both
Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino! triple espresso's better tho...
Do you Smoke: too much
Do you Swear: ahahahahahaahhhahahahahahahahhaa!!! seriously?
Do you Sing: when no one's listening
Do you Shower Daily: duh....
Have you Been in Love: ugh... unfortunately lol
Do you want to go to College: there now...
Do you want to get Married: one day.... again... lol
Do you belive in yourself: most the time... then I get smart and believe in the Lord instead lol
Do you get Motion Sickness: when I'm reading in a car for some reason...
Do you think you are Attractive: yeah....
Are you a Health Freak: not really
Do you get along with your Parents: yeah
Do you like Thunderstorms: HELLS yeah =)
Do you play an Instrument: a little guitar...
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yep... and monday's new years eve... gonna be a lot more....
In the past month have you Smoked: what? cigarettes? yeah... lol
In the past month have you been on Drugs: legally?
In the past month have you gone on a Date: LOL! again.... date?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yeah, surprisingly enough...
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: newp
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: newp
In the past month have you been on Stage: newp
In the past month have you been Dumped: newp
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: newp
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: past month? nope
Ever been Drunk: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! maybe...
Ever been called a Tease: it's my specialty ;P
Ever been Beaten up: not really...
Ever Shoplifted: it used to be my hobby lol
How do you want to Die: don't matter...
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Grow up? lol
What country would you most like to Visit: Ireland....
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: If I hafta pick... green, but it dun really matter
Favourite Hair Color: same thing... red or blonde...
Short or Long Hair: prefer long... but short's cute if it's done right...
Height: shorter than me lol.. nah, it dun *really* matter, but I do have a thing for shorter grrls
Weight: dun matter.. well... within reason, of course...
Best Clothing Style: I'm into goth myself, but whatever they look pretty in =)
Number of Drugs I have taken: Ooooo. Umm.. lemme count... countin 8 off the top of my head... almost all of em, really... clean now tho...
Number of CDs I own: barely any anymore.... had em all fking stolen
Number of Piercings: 2 in my left ear
Number of Tattoos: 1 right now, 3 or 4 more planned
Number of things in my Past I Regret: heh.... ehh.... let's not go there..

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel. The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Movies:

There are few things better than a good horror movie. Hands down. Some of my favourites: Night of the Living Dead (the original b&w, hell yeah), Dawn of the Dead (new version... them quick zombies is freaky, yo!), Skeleton Key, umm... know what? I haven't watched enough horror lately... I'll get back to that.
I'm also down with the romantic comedy genre... when I'm not being beat over the head by love (like now). Those are best watched with a loved one, ya know? ::sighs:: Down With Love was good.... oh, okay, (used to be) one of my favourite romances: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. ::sighs:: An amazing movie, but too many associations for me to watch ever again...
Psychological thrillers are always good. If you haven't seen it before, go watch Memento. Twice. You'll need to. Trust me. Amazing fucking film. Probably my number one, regardless of genre. Series 7: The Contenders is another really good one, as is Frailty with Matthew McConaughey. If I hadn't seen Memento, this would be my number one without a doubt. Seriously fucked up.
Enjoy.

Television:

Books:

Stephen King. What a Fucking Pimp. If you think he's too long, you've just got a short attention span, in my not-so-humble opinion. Good storytellers ramble on a bit. It's what they do. It's part of the charm. The devil is in the details, yo.
Go read everything he's ever written. No shit. Not kidding. It's all good. Even On Writing, his non-fiction about how to be a good writer. It all Pimps. Especially the Dark Tower series. Dear god. Go. Now. You've got a lot of reading to do. Chop chop.
Dean Koontz. The poor man's Stephen King, I always said. Though with my current reading of False Memory, I may change that opinion. Not many books drop my jaw and make me go "Wooow..." in disbelief within the first 50 pages. And then continue to do so repeatedly through the next 50 also. Great read so far. I recommend.
Piers Anthony. Wrote the original book Total Recall. I was shocked to learn that all of those trademark retarded-ass jokes that Arnold always makes in his movies... were actually in the book. I also highly recommend the "Blue Adept" series. I haven't read them all because the libraries out here suck, but what I have read is excellent. Gonna hafta buy em or borrow em or something to read em all.
Note: If you're sexually frustrated, haven't gotten any in a long time... might wanna steer clear of Mr. Anthony, he's horribly overtly sexual, and when you don't have someone to take it out on... it leads to even more frustration than you already had. Trust me.
William Gibson. Another Stone-Cold Pimp. Pioneered Cyberpunk. First envisioned the concept of the WWW that you're using right now, years before it ever happened. Coined the term "Cyberspace", as well as "The Matrix" in the context of a neural-interactive simulation. Go read Neuromancer, Count Zero, and Mona Lisa Overdrive. In that order I believe.
Idoru and Pattern Recognition are newer, and not bad, but not as good as those first three in, once again, my not-so-humble opinion.While we're at it, also go for Burning Chrome, either co-written or co-edited (can't remember right now) by Willam Gibson and Bruce Sterling.
Bruce Sterling. Another member of the Cyberpunk movement. Only read one of his books, a newer one called Heavy Weather. Bored me to fucking tears. But I still finished it anyway. Go figure. He wrote a book back in the Cyberpunk days called The Difference Engine that is supposed to be good. If these suck-ass libraries ever carried anything worth reading, I might check it out.
That's it for now. Enjoy.

Heroes:

I don't have a lot of heroes, or maybe none at all. I used to think I had one, but they showed themselves to be lesser than even me. I don't know. Is there anyone left in the world worthy to be called a hero anymore? I'd like to think so, but I just don't see it right now.

Or maybe... maybe we need to be our own heroes through our own actions. Maybe if we lived to that standard...