ill change this again cause im waiting for jillian's bus to come and i'll see if anyone really reads these :)about me, about me: today i am different than i was three months ago cause im with baby. today i am different than i was a month ago because i am without my dad. these two things have changed me dramatically...both for the better i suppose. i've learned a valuable lesson by my dad's passing that i wish i could share with all, but i feel that this is a private lesson for me to have learned on my own and in a sad way. it's also a lesson that no one can teach you...one must learn this valuable lesson through sadness, and that makes me sad to say out loud as i wish the sadness i feel, no one should feel. being with baby is teaching me something else, but right now im too exhausted to tell you what that is. when i figure it out, i'll come back and let you know. im teasing - it's teaching me patience for one, and it's re-teaching me the value of life - or i suppose that could be said for both my dad's passing and the new baby. i may be complaining about being tired and sick and blahs, but i am much more at peace inside my head than i have been for awhile. while i dont have patience for people any more than i used to, i've learned to let go of things that are not under my control, and for that, it has put my mind at ease...come back to me next week, and that might have changed.i love my family and what my family to be will be. i am learning from my daughter what it is like to be innocent again, and i am trying to look through her eyes and see that it isnt all fun times when youre little and that i am her protector. i will stand up for her at all times. i will be the one to help her get back up again when she falls. i will be the one to teach her how to be the woman she doesn't know she wants to be. i will continue to be the best mom i know how to be for she deserves nothing less than all the love i have in my heart for her.i love that my husband has the patience because without him i would not be able to stand as strong as i am trying to stand. without him and all he gives me, i would not be the lucky person that i am today. i owe him a lot. i can only hope that he knows i'm trying to do right by him every day and that he understands and knows that he is the reason i smile before going to bed.i gotta go get the girl off the bus...hormones..i hate 'em..peace.
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