Captain Derek

"If awkward moments were an Olympic Sport I'd be on a box of Wheaties by now..."
Derek
AKA
Captain Derek
El Smasho
Shades McCallahan
Funky Bottoms
Vanilla Thunder
Muscles McGuinness
Father Derek
Urgent Sandwich
Cuddles McHindenburg
Walter Christmas
Man, where to begin!
DISCLAIMER: I've never been on the Family Feud. Who ever started that rumor should do some fact checking and, more than likely, take a class in Journalism.
So far off to a bad start...
There's something I have to tell you guys that I have yet to tell anyone.... I have been blessed with special powers since the day of my birth. First off, I can control most house hold kitchen utensils with the touch of a finger...
Think about it...A world in which everything is powered by the push of a button. Toasters, Blenders, things that cook Potato Pancakes. It's a world beyond comprehension! It's a world of sugary delights bakes to perfection with the wondrous power of a finger! It's a world where I want to live... How about you? Will you stand for such convenience? Can you take the luxury of quality dinners cooked quickly? Frozen confections thawed with ease? If not...I'm your guy! I'm the middle man! I'm your consultant...
Yes, I consult. If you've got questions, there's a good chance, I've got some sort of answer. I'm a certified lawyer with the power of attorney and a license to hunt.