Savaged Heart!

Graphics & Layouts ^^^^^99.5% SO FREAKN RIGHT!!!!!! My new out look..^^^^^^ Ok! About me and my story. I signed up at myspace just about last Sept. and it has been a nightmare ever since. I simply wanted my step daughter to know I miss her deeply, and I still love her. Yes I am still married but have been seperated since 6-4-06. Although I had a son out of imature rebelion, my dad raised me better than that, so I made up my mind I wouldn't disappoint him again. He only let me live at home because my first child was a son. Something he wanted but my mother passed away before hand. I was an infant. I met a guy around May of "93" with no intentions of a relationship on my end or his. Christ he was 17 and I was 22. He already 2 kids. 1 older than mine and 1 younger, 2 exes that wouldn't just go away. (STUPID ME! I fell harder for him than my first love! I'm still picking me and the broken pieces up!) Funny how you go into some things with a hard shell it eventually cracks and gets chipped away, then your mind plays the game on you that maybe he really wants to be with you and only you reguardless of his past. Guys are always up for a challenge. It's their primitive way dateing back before B.C. times. With the way the mind works the guy really thinks he wants to be with you and only you too. Anyway we were together 7years before our daughter came into the picture. Around that time his oldest came to live with us. His mom said she just couldn't handle him anymore, she was gonna punch him right in the f'n face if I didn't go get him. So I did. He had little clothing and a pair of flip flops. My estranged husband and I took him out and hooked him up on a very small single income at the time. I said nothing to her about that shit. I always kept nice with her so as not to sink our own ship in child support to her on two kids at $12.00 an hour, the baby coming, and we had our own place to live. Some weeks after the bills we would have only $40. or $60. left for cigs, gas, and food as well as his slow but progressive alcohol problem stemming back to something in Aug. of "97". With the help of his mom.... we got by. (I honestly appreciate everything she did over the years for us reguardless of our severd relationship today.... BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER NO MATTER WHAT, EVEN IF "IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS") We got him into a better job and eventually moved away to get the petty B.S. out of our lives but if you don't go far enough the ex will follow. Even if it means being a fake like I was to her. New place new neighbors and we had our family. What a crock of B.S! We moved right in the lions den. We left our so called friends, to his old friends 2 doors way. I went from the pan into the fire (possesion and control through mind games as always got worse) and he went from the pan in the beer case only he could never cool off enough. Well here we are today. I moved on after seeing him in our bed in our house that he bought because I wanted it (he hated it) with his first 2 kids mom. Before we got married I promised to try and ignore his ex and the rumors that they were still having an affair of some sort but told him if you ever want me to go away and never turn back let me catch you with her, so that's exactly what he did while attempting to reconsile with me. (It was all set up, ex said I was seeing someone else.) I gave him an altamatum about2 wks after he broke my ribs and put me and my son on the street. Stop the drinking and the pills and get help if you love me and our 4 kids. It's been long enough. His final answer...... NO! I'm a man I work hard all week I deserve to drink on the weekends. I distanced myself from him completely at that point and decided he never loved us enough...... if at all..... Guess where he is now?In the house he bought for me laid up with a female who has a past of child abuse and neglect and whoreing to support her drug addiction. Discusting with dog and cat piss. No one cleans it up since I've been gone. I took it back for a week in April. Messy with 4 kids is one thing but what i saw was dirty! Why wash dishes to eat off a dirty table and floor.... Fck it! It made me sick since the house burnt down and it's now about 3yrs old after being redone from a shell. Outa the kids he only has my step son living there at this point and he's is already shown many signs of history repeating itself. I love him dearly as well but I cant change what's already a given. I just hope and pray my step kids sit back sometime and take a look around them. Do they really want this for themselves???? I love you 2! I know you come to my myspace Aleesha. Anyway back on track. A 5 bedroom house on an almost an acre of property. What a waste now. The other side to the story.... He's cheated on me since 6 months into this with him and I didn't walk away. He's been doing it for 13 an a half years and not just with the kids mom either. The accuser is the one who is guilty. You back "06" we had a chic living next to us. Yea we snuck out to bars a couple times and came home. I knew she was cheating on her boyfriend. So on her behalf she had to turn the attention to me and told my estranged husband the worst she could think up which wasn't hard since he's raceist and had been making accusations about the black guys I worked with in the auto service buis. I cheated on him with two black guys and a spanish guy and his dick pic was in my phone. LMAO! There was no pic. But where are HER digital pics. In one of the guys possesion That she was cheatn on her with last year and the year b4....(Porky) That's so funny cuz her man found out. He just don't know everything. There are more guys than him but I'll keep it to myself. On top of that my estranged husband met a woman in April of last year at Woodland Beach. They talk fequently over the phone and this shit with the neighbor was his excuse to feel better about it since he new he was wrong. Sure they just talked but he never said a word to me which tells me he had more intentions than that. Her and I finally spoke 2 days ago. She confirmed his intentions and said he called her 2 months ago with a whole shit load of lies about being divorced and having custody of our daughter. Pah! Gone to the beach house I'll finish this closure for later.
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