Kakashi Sensei

I am madly in love with my fiancee.
She's beautiful in every way, shape & form. I wanna spend the rest of my life with her & make her the happiest woman alive! She's Number 1 on my Top 8 if you wanna see her. I'm bragging, I know ^-^ Ooo, and, FYI, she's also my MySpace web page designer. So very talented, isn't she?
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BJ's Calendar of Events
October 2008
October 8th
My Mom's Birthday!
October 10th
Jessica & I Celebrate 70 Months Together!
October 11th
Segways in Poughkeepsie
October 13th
Columbus Day - No Work!
Tim's Birthday!
Josh's Birthday!
Jesus' Birthday!
October 16th
National Boss Day
October 31st
Halloween
Gettysburg Bound
Coming Events in November 2008!
November 10th: Jessica & I Celebrate 71 Months Together!
November 20th: Matt's Birthday!
November 27th: Thanksgiving Day!
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..Outtakes & Quotes.. Red vs. Blue Quotes
Caboose: Time is not made up of lines. It is made up of circles. That is why clocks are round!
(Church has just been thrown by a grav lift)
Agt. Washington: I said 'quietly', what part of that did you not understand?
Church: What part?? How about the part where I got thrown 80 feet in the fucking air by the goddamn throwing thing!!!
[Sheila the tank is stuck on a rock while the turret is spinning in circles]
Sheila: Now that you've mastered driving the M808V, let's move on to some of the safety features.
Caboose: No! No, wait! Go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?
Caboose: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
Church: Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Tucker: No, I think he called her a slut.
[a plasma grenade exploded on Donut's head]
Simmons: Sarge, we need to get Donut airlifted out of here.
Sarge: Could you put that in a memo and entitle it "Shit I Already Know'?
Church: You know, I could've taken that alien out if I'd hit him just a few more times.
Tucker: A few more times? How about one time!
Church: Well, I think I landed at least two or three shots.
Tucker: Yeah right.
Tex: You didn't hit anything but the wall.
Church: How the hell would you know? You were running straight backwards
Tex: This is a long-range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively.
Tucker: Where were you planning on shooting him from, the fucking moon? If you'd have backed up any further you'd have had to mail him the bullets!
Sarge: OK, well let me tell you about my other plan. Using parts from the warthog...
Grif: [to Tex] I'm hoping you've got a better idea.
Sarge: ...We'll make what I like to call, "The Grif Cannon."
Grif: Oh, man...
Sarge: Utilizing the power of the Grif Cannon, we make a Grif-sized hole in the outer wall!... or we paint it a very disgusting color.
[Caboose has been unknowingly posessed by the evil A.I O'Malley]
Caboose: I knew it... we're all gonna die...
[aims gun at the back of Tucker's head]
O'Malley: [through Caboose] ...starting with you!
Andy The Bomb: [Crunch-Bite the alien attacks an intruder] Caboose, you were supposed to help!
Caboose: I was helping watch.
Andy The Bomb: What if something had happened?
Caboose: I'm sure I would have seen it.
Tex: Don't worry, Tucker. We're not sending you alone.
Tucker: You're coming with me, Tex?
Tex: Me? Hell no! This is the first thing you wimps have done that actually sounds dangerous!
Tucker: Well, I'm not going with Church! That guy's a worse fighter than I am!
Church: Well, you're in luck then, because *I'm* not going either.
Tucker: What? Then who?
[he and Caboose quickly look at each other]
Tucker: No fucking way! I'm not going with him!
Caboose: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I hope we meet a cleric along the way! None of us knows how to heal.
[CrunchBite the Alien speaks]
Andy The Bomb: He says he's a healer.
Caboose: Oh, good.
Andy The Bomb: [chuckles] Not really. They *eat* their wounded.
Tucker: This is a joke, right? You're sending Caboose? What's wrong with you?
Church: What's wrong with me? I saw a chance to get rid of Caboose and I took it! There's nothing wrong with me!
Caboose: Ok! So, um... Tucker is the fighter, uh... Crunch-bite is the healer... and I am the powerful... and intelligent... wizard... Morphu-max...
Tucker: I'm gonna fuckin' die.
Sheila: Extra ammo management is disabled. The friendly-fire protocol is enabled.
Church: Friendly fire. That's the one that kills teammates, right?
Sheila: Affirmative.
Church: All right. Disable the friendly-fire protocol.
Sheila: Friendly-fire protocol is now disabled. Friendly forces may now be targeted by auto-lock.
Church: Yes! Wait! No! That doesn't sound right.
Church: So how are you doing Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?
Caboose: I think so. That guy Tex is really a robot... and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot.
Church: ...Yeah. That's right. I'm a gay robot.
Church: You have GOT to be kidding me. There is no way I'm gonna let this happen
Tex: I told you, he can do it.
Andy The Bomb: Yeah, I'm qualified.
Church: Listen, I don't DOUBT that he can do it; I doubt that I WANT him to do it.
Andy The Bomb: Why?
Church: Well, you know what, Andy? You're not the most diplomatic of individuals.
Andy The Bomb: That's bullshit! You're only saying that cause you're a racist.
Church: Raci - ? BOMBS are not a race!
Andy The Bomb: Ah, shut up, ya dirty shisno.
Church: We finally make contact with an alien being, and our first attempt at communication is gonna be through a BOMB? Am I the only person who has a problem with this?
Andy The Bomb: Well unless you got your "English to Blarg-Blarg" dictionary, I don't think you got a choice, now do ya?
Caboose: I had one of those. But I threw it out. It didn't have many pictures.
Tex: I'm sure it'll be fine.
Church: You know, I feel like I'm gonna regret this, but I feel even more that I just don't care, and that watching this whole thing unravel might be kind of interesting. Go for it.
Sarge: You stole that thing all by yourself?
Donut: Yep, and then I ran over the guy that was chasing us. And a few other innocent pedestrians.
Sarge: I'm so proud of you.
Tucker: Ooo-kay. Church... is trying to get a TRANSLATOR. So that WE can TALK to EACH OTHER.
Church: Tucker, the enormous alien doesn't speak our language. Speaking slowly is not gonna help.
Tucker: What? I'm talking to Caboose.
Church: Oh.
Caboose: [camera pans to reveal Caboose] I don't understand. Are-are-are you hungry? Tucker, are you hungry? Are you cold?
Tucker: What? No.
Caboose: Do you need a blanket? Tucker, do you want some hot dogs and a blanket?
Tucker: Damn it, no, Caboose, I'm NOT cold, I don't want a hot dog, and if you put mustard in my fucking sheets again, I'm gonna kill you.
Church: So it is a sword. It just happens to function like a key in very specific situations.
Caboose: Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death.
Church: Goddamn, man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.
Caboose: Yeah. I have a really good time!
Church: [laughing] Yeah, it seems like it. You know, I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much.
Doc: I'm a pacifist.
Caboose: ...You're a thing that babies suck on?
Tucker: No, dude, that's a pedophile.
Church: Tucker, I think he means a pacifier.
Tucker: Oh, yeah. Right. Man, I was totally thinking about something else.
Church: That's real classy, Tucker.
Sarge: May I introduce the our new light reconnaissance vehicle! It has four-inch armour plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.
Simmons: Why Warthog, sir?
Sarge: Because "M12LRV' is too hard to say in conversation, son.
Grif: No, but... Why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
Sarge: Say that again.
Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.
Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?
Simmons: You mean like the shoe company?
Grif: No. Like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion.
Sarge: You're makin' that up.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal.
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes, sir!
Sarge: [Points at front of the Warthog] Look, see these two tailhooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?
Grif: A walrus.
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop makin' up animals?
[the Blue team has agreed to send their Medic over as a hostage]
Church: OK. We're gonna send over our Medic. Now, what do we get?
Simmons: You? You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!
Tucker: We've already got that! What else do you have?
Church: What was in the "Mystery Box'?
Tucker: One hundred forty jars of mayonnaise.
[sarcastically]
Church: Well, that's a good trade.
[not picking up on it]
Tucker: Yeah, it doubles as a great sunscreen!
Church: How did you... never mind.
Church: All right, get ready to launch Operation Circle of Confusion.
Tucker: Uh, Church? It kinda looks more like a triangle from down here.
Church: What?
Tucker: I'm just saying, it doesn't look much like a circle. It looks more like we're forming a triangle. Just a side note.
Church: OK, fine. Triangle of Confusion! Rhombus of Terror! Parabola of Mystery! Who cares? Get the goddamn show on the road!
Church: Oh, it went great, as long as you weren't on our team.
Grif: So you lost.
Church: Yeah, unless there's some new game type where you're supposed to catch the most amount of bullets with your torso. In which case, Simmons was the clear victor.
Caboose: I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while. Maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates.
Sarge: Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if you know what I mean.
Caboose: [Donut and Caboose found a Warthog in the future] Look at what I found.
Donut: I found it!
Caboose: Look at what I took credit for finding.
Capt. Butch Flowers: Men, your delightful tomfoolery puts a spring in my step and a bounce in my britches. If I weren't your Commanding Officer, I'd pick you both up, give you a big bear hug and make you call me 'Daddy'.
Church: Uhh... Thank God for the Chain of Command?
[the Sarge is back into the real world and finds Simmons and Grif]
Sarge: What... what happened here?
Simmons: Sir, you got shot in the head, so we gave you CPR and saved you, sir.
Sarge: I always believed in you, Simmons.
Simmons: Uh, actually, it's Grif you should thank, sir. He did all the work.
Sarge: Grif?
Simmons: Yes, sir.
Sarge: Grif, why in hell would you give somebody CPR for a bullet wound in the head? That doesn't make a lick of sense.
Grif: [sighs] You're welcome, sir.
Sarge: I mean it's all so damn inconsistent. What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe, rub my neck with aloe vera? Hey there Grif! I think I feel an aneurism comin' on. Could you help me out with one of them therapeutic massages? Use your fingers, not your knuckles. That there, that's good. Lower back. Yeah, I can feel that working already. Don't be afraid to go too low. Oh, yeah, shee-atsu.
Grif: [heavily panting and breathing as if he had run a marathon] Big... tank... shooting! WHOOOOHHHH!
Simmons: Damn, man! We only ran, like, three hundred feet! You are REALLY out of shape!
Grif: [still panting heavily] Fuck... you...
[Grif, Simmons, and Tucker have been transported into a post-apocalyptic future]
Grif: They destroyed it all, Simmons. Those damn stupid bastards! They blew it all up! Damn them! Damn them to hell! Those damn dirty apes!
Simmons: Calm down, Grif. We don't know if the whole world is like this.
Grif: Yes, it is. They destroyed it all. I guess a society of men just wasn't meant to survive.
Simmons: Hey, how about this - how about we explore more than two square miles before jumping to any conclusions?
Grif: It was definitely nuclear weapons. That's what did it. And the explosions caused massive power outages, which caused the fail-safes to fail, which released the super bacteria from a secret lab!
Simmons: Oh, come on.
Grif: That caused a huge plague, and after the victims died, they rose from the dead twelve hours later to roam the earth and feast on human flesh.
Simmons: What?
Grif: A handful of gritty survivors from all walks of life were able to keep the legions of the infected radioactive undead at bay using only their wits and an inexplicable comprehension of agricultural science and engineering. Everything was looking good, and that's when the meteor hit.
Simmons: I think you just quoted every crappy Hollywood apocalypse movie ever.
Tucker: Hollywood doesn't understand the apocalypse. They think that if just one thing from everyday life goes away, that changes everything. Like in Road Warrior, it was gas, and in Waterworld, it was land.
Simmons: What went away in The Matrix?
Tucker: Sunlight.
Grif: I thought the missing element was "plot".
Tucker: I'm talking about Matrix 1.
Simmons: Oh, right.
Simmons: Do you ever wonder why we're here?
Grif: [annoyed] No. I NEVER wonder why we're here. Semper fi, bitch!
Caboose: [waiting for Lopez to fix the tank] Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Fix the tank! So that I can say hello to Sheila!
[through Caboose]
O'Malley: And start killing everyone!
Tucker: You mean all the Reds, right?
Caboose: Of course!
[through Caboose]
O'Malley: For starters!
Sarge: Simmons, Grif, we're out of luck. Get ready to open fire. Today is a good day to die.
Grif: Wait! I think today is actually a good day to RETREAT. Can't we push dying to a week from Friday?
Simmons: Yeah... let's all take dying as an open-action item, and come back with suggestions next meeting.
Sarge: [Lopez is singing - badly] What in Betty's bloomers is on the radio NOW? It sounds like the feral cry of a retarded Mexican Sasquatch!
[after Sarge and Caboose's last attempt to get the Battle Creek Red and Blue grunts to listen to them has failed]
Caboose: Wait. I can make them listen. I... can... beat them.
Sarge: Son, what are you talkin' about?
Caboose: O'Malley taught me how to be mean.
[struggles to concentrate]
Caboose: I... just... have... to... concentrate... on, bad... things! Like milk... no wait, red... Red Bull!
Sarge: Son, I think you've really lost it. O'Malley's not in your head any more, he infected the Doc!
Caboose: No, I can feel him. I just need to... get angry, and say mean things, like... uh... Your brain is a mountain of hatred!
Sarge: I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually missed Grif... but here it is.
Caboose: [now speaking in a very stilted, halting cadence, straining even more] Now, I am... thinking... about... kittens! Guh, kit-tens... covered... in... spikes. That makes... me... angry!
[begins to convulse and yell]
Caboose: [Caboose completely loses all self-control and then jumps off the cliff. An overly dramatic upshot of Caboose jumping down from the cliff, in slow motion. Caboose is yelling in a slowed-down, guttural yell, then lands on his feet, shaking the ground. The Reds and Blue grunts stop fighting and stare incredulously at Caboose]
Caboose: [in a deep gruff evil voice] My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I... hate... babies!
Red Player: It’s the Beast! The Anti-Flag! Come to live among us and rule us for 7 years! The end is nye!
Donut: Come on, Mr. Blue guy! You gotta wake up! Wake up!
Tucker: It hurts, just let me die.
Donut: You can't die! I'm bored! All these girls want to talk about is chick stuff! And not the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns.
Tucker: Get Doc. I need Doc.
Donut: I can't! He got possessed by that evil guy and they escaped! He's the one that shot you. Don't you remember?
Tucker: I know. I want him to shoot me again.
Caboose: [is looking for the mark to set the bomb on and comes across the X, which he views at an awkward angle] That, is a plus sign... not an X.
Caboose: [Trying to calm Andy down, to stop him from exploding] Come on Andy, think of a happy place. What makes you feel happy?
Andy The Bomb: ...being in the middle of big explosion!
Church: Less happy place, Caboose, less happy!
Caboose: Ummmmm, think calming thoughts. Let’s count backwards from 10. 10, 9, 8-
Tucker, Church, Tex: NO!
Church: Tucker, there's a very fine line between not listening and not caring, I like to think I walk that line everyday of my life.
Caboose: ….We’re planting a volleyball?
Tex: It’s not a ball, it’s a bomb.
Caboose: For planting a volleyball?
Donut: DUCK!!!
Caboose: Duck? Where? I love ducks!
[Church is in the past and comes across a computer]
Gary the Computer: You are the great destroyer. You will demolish this facility, kill me, steal the great weapon and bring about the great doom for billions of people…..Welcome! How may I be of assistance to you?
Tex: [the Reds and Blues have just rendezvoused with Tex at Zansibar] What took you guys so long to get here?
Simmons: There's six of us, and this is only a three-seater jeep. Half of us had to sit on someone else's lap.
Donut: [enthusiastically] It was a great road trip! My favorite part was when Grif tried to change gears, and he accidentally...
Grif: [disgusted sigh] Ugh, please, let's not tell this story. Is there somewhere I can wash my hands?
Sarge: What'd you find, Tex?
Tex: Well, O'Malley's holed up in his fortress. He's been fortifying his defenses for a few days, now. And he's got some help. One of those religious nuts you guys picked up.
Caboose: [excited] Oh, I liked them. They were funny.
Tucker: Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a flag.
Caboose: I try not to remember the bad things about people.
Tucker: That's all they tried to do! There were no good things!
Caboose: That's okay. I have a really bad memory - wow, look, a beach!
Sarge: Shut up, Caboose.
Sarge: Everyone knows gasoline comes from dinosaurs! And we’re running out of gas, so the solution isn’t to drive less, it’s to kill more dinosaurs!
Church: All the dinosaurs are already dead.
Sarge: It doesn’t have to be just dinosaurs, moron, any animal turns into oil when it dies. So remember! If you want to be environmentally friendly, JUST KILL EVERY LIVING THING YOU SEE!! Period.
Simmons: That process takes millions of years!
Sarge: I’ve got time.
Church: Dude, I’ve had about all the cross-species babies that I can take for a while. Last thing I need is a Junior Caboose running around with a 130 millimeter cannon for a head. Your little devil spawn is enough for me.
Serenity Outakes!
(While flying through an intergalatic fight)
Mal: Whoa! You see that, right? You see it? See that? Would you turn? Would you turn?
Wash: Do you wanna fly this thing?
Mal: Do you want me....Would you pull over? Is that what you thought we were doing?
Wash: I will pull over this spaceship!
Mal: Christ almighty!
Jayne: I could shit my pants!
Wash: Damn it, I don't need a back spaceship driver!
Mal: GET OUT OF THE WAY!!
Jayne: AHHHHHHH!!!!
Wash: Christ! That's it, fine! You wanna fly? Fucking fly! I'll be in my bunk.
Inara: Where we headed?
Mal: Serenity's east of us nestled in the...runnarooo seeblb munnunm. Hang a left.
Mal: You were all watching, I take it?
Kaylee: Yes.
Mal: You see us fight?
Kaylee: No.
Mal: TRAP!!!!!!!
Mal: You knew he was gonna leave. We've never been but a way station of those two and....Don't fucking tell me what to goddamn do....My ship.
Mal: Get these bodies together.
Zoe: We got time for grave digging?
Mal: Zoe, you and Simon are gonna rope them together, five or six of them. I want them laid out on the nose of our ship.
Simon: Are you insane?
Mal: Put Book front and center. He's out friend, we should honor him. Kaylee, find that kid who's taking a dirt nap with the baby Jesus. We need a hood ornament. Jayne, try not to steal too much of their shit.
Wash: Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a 90 year old man.....With man boobs.
Wash: They just float out there sending out re-rai-reading parties.
Serenity & Firefly Quotes!
Wash: This landing is gonna get pretty interesting.
Mal: Define "interesting".
Wash: [deadpan] Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?
Jayne: I won't get et! You shoot me if they take me!
[Mal aims pistol squarely at Jayne]
Jayne: Well, don't shoot me first!
Mal: [on the ship's intercom] This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then - explode.
Jayne : We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!
Mal: Jayne, how many weapons you plan on bringing? You only got the two arms.
Jayne: I just get excitable as to choice- like to have my options open.
Mal: I don't plan on any shooting taking place during this job.
Jayne: Well, what you plan and what takes place ain't ever exactly been similar.
Mal: No grenades.
[Jayne groans]
Mal: No grenades!
Jayne: She is startin' to damage my calm.
Mal: [about protective goggles] Fine, I'll wear 'em. But I'll look like an idiot.
Zoë: I should think you'd be used to that, sir.
Zoë: So-trap?
Mal: Trap.
Zoë: We goin' in?
Mal: Ain't but a few hours out.
Wash: Yeah, but remember the part where it's a trap?
Mal: Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
Zoë: Do you really think any of us is gonna get through this?
[looks at the other crew members struggling with their guns]
Jayne: Well, I might.
Mal: What in the hell happened back there?
Wash: Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a 90 pound girl cuz I don't think that's ever getting old.
Mal: I'll take the shuttle in closer. Zoe, ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don't hear from me within the hour... you take this ship and you come and you rescue me.
Zoë: What? And risk my ship?
Mal: I mean it. It's cold out there. I don't wanna get left.
Wash: It's okay, I'm a leaf on the wind!
Mal: What does that mean?
Mal: (After witnessing a fight between Wash & Zoë) Ummmmm Okay. I'm lost, I'm angry & I'm armed.
Zoë: [Stopping Jayne from shooting a man Mal is fighting with] Jayne. This is something the Captain has to do by himself.
Mal: NO! NO IT ISN'T!
Zoë: Oh. [Team opens fire]
Mal: They don't like it when you shoot at them. I worked that one out myself.
Jayne: We need coin!
Mal: You're right, we take all the money we got saved right now, we could maybe buy a moderately-sized gerbil.