Jarred Michael profile picture

Jarred Michael

Rub Vaseline on my Lips, Im getting ready to cuss!

About Me

"You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?"............ "Free will. It's like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground."I enjoy long handcrawls to local barber shops...I play the french horn with a furious vengenence....Two things that should never be in the same sentence together are "sexy lumberjacks" and "cerebral palsy".....As of late, I am trying to convince my left leg that unicorns run much faster than squirrels!!!...(Side note) I am very random and extremely sarcastic! I currently attend Cal State Northridge..I have my bachelors degree in Psychology, and am in grad school for Public Health...Just so everyone knows..its really hard for me to grow facial hair. Heres something really personal....When i order a dinner salad, i tend to raise my left pinky(ever so slightly)....Oh yeah...Im nice!!!With sincere Love,JarredMy Favorite place....Carribean

Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Aurora borealis

My Interests

Knuckle-shuffling in backwood corners. As well as lending rows of undifferentiated coin filth to poor,meat stricken bums. Also...watching movies and working out! Cant forget getting drunk at Bingo with Old Old people.

I'd like to meet:

A person who makes fraggle popsickle sticks! Also Dane Cook! Oh yeah, and anyone who has ever been hit by lightning or has suffered a sprained ankle. Lastly i would love to own a midget who dances well and loves to wave flags around while he/she tells me funny funny jokes. Thank you......Desire-Undertaker

Add to My Profile | More VideosUndertaker Tribute by Pantera

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Music:

Anything that sounds good.

Movies:

Mullholland drive, The Shining, Finding Neverland, Cable Guy, Kung Fu Hustle, American Psycho, Space Balls, Never Ending Story, So I Married an Ax Murderer, Little Shop of Horrors, Devils Advocate, Four Rooms, Howard the Duck, Gangs of New York, Vanilla Sky, Dumb and Dumber, Vacation, Old school, Primal Fear, Wet Hot American Summer, Night at the Roxbury, Clifford, Momento, Back to the Future 1&2, Robin Hood Men in Tights, Gladiator, Hot Shots, Best in Show, Office Space, Misery, Dont be a menace to So. Central while drinking your juice in the hood...and any movie that has somebody with a horrible smell or accent.

Television:

Reno 911, The State, Entourage, Sealab 2021, the Critic, Peewee's Playhouse, Alf, Herman's Head, and Full House...oh yeah also Perfect Strangers!

Books:

Anything from the "Reading Rainbow" library!

Heroes:

the UndertakerMy Sister...

My Blog

How to make Bologne!? Important!

F-you for thinking i know how to make bologne!!....F-YOU!! Sincerely, Jarred
Posted by Jarred Michael on Tue, 23 Jan 2007 12:22:00 PST

Perfect

She know not what I think of her If only she knew Perfection Shes blinded by stress Perfection Her blinded mess Perfection Beyond her control not her fault Perfection Forgiveness is a sin Perfection C...
Posted by Jarred Michael on Thu, 26 Oct 2006 01:51:00 PST

Here is where i will stay...

The one who knew! I am the one who knew The flowers turned to black I fell down the steps of lost only to climb back up top The top is where i feel the best She is the one who carries me I know now wh...
Posted by Jarred Michael on Thu, 26 Oct 2006 01:42:00 PST

What im made of...

Ive readily come up with a list of ingredients that I am genetically made up of...and they are as follows( in no particular order).... 1) A Tigers scrotum 2) The ear flesh of a newborn 3) A tricycle 4...
Posted by Jarred Michael on Tue, 01 Aug 2006 11:13:00 PST

I have the Bird Flu!

Wait, no i dont!!! Sorry!
Posted by Jarred Michael on Sat, 21 Jan 2006 01:25:00 PST