Alan 'Aha' Partridge

I'm Alan Partridge. I host Norfolk Nights on Radio Norwich, and military based quiz show called 'Skirmish' on digital satellite channel ukConquest, and I have a girlfriend. Im 50, she's 36, she's fourteen years younger than me...back of the net! I used to work at the BBC, but I got out of that, unpleasant people...bitter bastards. I moved to a travel tavern, which after 182 days became a bloody nightmare. They left sanitary bags in my room! They knew I was a man! I kept loose Werther's Originals in them. I got used to dialling '9' before every call. I was then clinically fed-up ('boo-hoo'), I put on weight, I had breasts! I was repellent to women for two years! Those breasts were the only ones I copped hold of. I'd be running along jogging and my breasts were there, with tassells, you know. You can make them go that way, and you can make them go that way, but you can't make them go that way!! Imagine dreaming about that and waking up screaming. Because that's what happened. I released a book, and I feel I have, had, and are bounced/bouncing back. I've since recovered and live in a new house, called Ye House, with my very own John West tinned woman...Skipjack Sonja in Brine! (That's because my girlfriend lives in a caravan outside).