I am a 19 year old, socially deficient person from NJ. I like to sit alone and ponder my existence. Sometimes I try to find the light at the end of the tunnel, some kind of the silver lining, but I always wind up helplessly disappointed and broken. I find comfort in my depression and emotional turbulence. You can find me sulking and complaining about how lonely and rejected I am, or at least pretending to be suffering from teen depression so that others can throw their sympathy towards me. Spelling is my worst nightmare. I also like taking black and white pictures of myself while indirectly staring at some object behind the camera. I also don't like to smile because I am too cool for that shit. I am so above that. I want the world to know how much misery I suffer internally. I am above everything because I am emotional. I mean, I try to be happy. I guess I do a lot of pretending, but people just don't fucking understand. Over time I've found that each chapter in my life is just a broken relationship. When am I going to get my "happily ever after?" I'm alone and cold. My size 4 kids' t-shirt is just not keeping me warm enough. My unevenly cut and slanty banged hair is getting in the way of my vision and the tears from my broken self blind me. I play a lot of guitar and lately find myself writing depressing song lyrics.
"You're... You're addicted to the drug of lust
A detox in a cold sweat of shame
And I love your pain
I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself"
I didn't write that, but I wish I did because it speaks to me. Does anyone fucking understand??
