I review food now. |
The best part about living in a lawless shithole like Miami is that, no matter what time of day, you can get a damn good meal. And shot. Late night pizza is a tradition as American as racial segregati...
Posted by on Fri, 27 Mar 2009 02:12:00 GMT |
It Never Snows in Hong Kong |
Whenever the holidays come around, I think back to the winter of '97. I was in Hong Kong at the time, in the final stretch of an internship for Triad crime boss Jimmy Zhang Lao. It was Christmas Eve, ...
Posted by on Thu, 25 Dec 2008 07:01:00 GMT |
50 Sarah Palin Pussy Jokes |
Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin's vagina is so (INSERT APPROPRIATE ADJECTIVE HERE) that:Saudi oil companies want to drill in it.Presidential Candidate John McCain spent five and a half years a...
Posted by on Thu, 04 Sep 2008 05:02:00 GMT |
Yo mamas so hip... |
She named her pussy the Velvet Underground.
Posted by on Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:24:00 GMT |
Everyday I Write the Book |
The following are a selection of some of the books I, under various pseudonyms, wrote in order to feed my burgeoning opium addiction. Damn those Chinese and their devil plant. I'm looking at you, Zhu ...
Posted by on Sat, 07 Jun 2008 23:49:00 GMT |
The Elusive Hunt for New Glasses |
As part of my mandate to improve myself to the point where my presence causes men to weep and women to spontaneously disintegrate, I am searching for a new pair of glasses. I've owned my current pair ...
Posted by on Mon, 26 May 2008 16:27:00 GMT |
Space is the Place |
Hey jerks, it's science time! The International Space Station is visible from Earth until May 26th. Watch a patchwork of tax dollars from across the world soar across the night sky like a retarded met...
Posted by on Wed, 21 May 2008 19:03:00 GMT |
Grandpappy Tells The Story of the Fox and the Tree Squid |
Hey there, kids! I know that your parents haven't let me come by to see you since I took those inappropriate photos, but Grandpappy doesn't give a shit. You kids aren't getting a proper moral educatio...
Posted by on Mon, 28 Apr 2008 11:17:00 GMT |
To: The Wolfman From: Dracula Re: the monster mash |
Hey man, I really think it wasn’t cool what you did at the mash last Saturday. Everybody was having a good time until you bit the Gil-Man’s arm off. You know he only grew it back last week...
Posted by on Mon, 07 Apr 2008 09:08:00 GMT |
Jobs I Held Between 2004 and 2007 |
Alligator RapistI can’t believe they paid me for something I’d do for free.Intern to African WarlordJust an awful time. It was all "print these copies" and "fetch some bagels" and "gangrap...
Posted by on Sun, 06 Apr 2008 20:21:00 GMT |
