About Me
The Unknown Corporation is a multimedia entertainment company yet does not provide any services or manufacture actual products. The U.C. only makes goods and provides advocacy information to empower citizen and disperse revolutionary cosmic knowledge for everyday purposes. The Unknown Corporation does not even exist, it simply is. The Unknown Corporation has a vast library of pamphlets, indoctrination exercises, and schematics of the infinite to make you even more you by knowing the Unknown. You have magic in you and are a potential field agent for the corporation. We currently have openings in our sales, customer service, managerial, engineering, wizardry, knight, and executive divsions.
Want to unite with the Sun God? The Unknown Corporation makes it possible!
Please contact a corporate representative through this webpage or visit your local Unknown Corporation franchise. Our guides, directions, and instruction manuals to the universes have been world reknown for millenia and we are only now offering them to the general public rather than our secret fraternal and maternal societies. Transported through a black hole from an advanced parallel universe far into the future and given access to our corporation only. We guarantee that you will be satisfied because otherwise we will charge you double.
The Unknown Corporation is based in Providence, Rhode Island (the first American colony to recede from the British Empire and the last state to ratify the constitution) yet will mail documents throughout the world and can also transmit signals through the atmosphere and into distant galaxies via advanced laser technology involving a brain, a hand, and a magnifying glass.
To receive introductory materials on how to become a fully fledged member of the corporation or a satisfied consumer of our corporation, $1.01 that can be paid in cash to a representative of the Unknown Corporation, via paypal online. If paying in person, the penny shall shall be placed on the ground heads up for three seconds, picked up, and then placed in the hand of the Unknown Corporation's field representative. That is the secret signal. Your purchase of the documents gives us luck and you are provided with a new future and your past is forgiven. This is a really good deal for only $1.01.
Abraham Lincoln = "Heads" = Luck
Upon payment, further information shall be disseminated. The Mayans, Incans, Zionists, Gnostics, Freemasons, Druids, Pagans, Ancient Egyptians, Sidartha, the Loch Ness Monster, St. Augustine, and Sasquatch are only a few of our satisfied consumers. The lost continent of Atlantis held a number of our documents although these were lost in the Bermuda Triangle when a series of pirate attacks occurred, although we have been given great assistance when our portal to another dimension re-opened and the corporation was able to access these documents and reintroduce them to humanity at a time of great need. Created by the Dr. Zaius Project, an infinite number of alien monkeys at typewriters, humankind now finally has its answers yet now at least twice as many questions as there were before.
An artistic rendering of the Unknown Corporation's time portal
The Unknown Corporation Presents the Dr. Zaius Project!!!
The Unknown Corporation accepts cash, personal checks, souls, and internet orders are handled through PayPal, although good will, smiles, promises of eternity, and even manual labor can be exchanged for corporate documents. Smile while cleaning the corporate toilets and we may give you a completely free indoctrination! Infinite credit with the Unknown is available upon request yet only granted to those artisans worthy of corporate welfare benefits or qualify for our indentured servitude program. Ideologues are not welcome in the corporation, only those that will use the corporate documents to enrich their life and not use them for opportunistic or destructive purposes.
Corporate Propoganda by Benjamin Franklin
You may already be a member or consumer of the corporation, were one in a previous existence, or maybe there are still remanants of the corporation's previous entities still present in your soul©. All you need to do is ask us about our organization and the goods we provide. The corporation may seem daunting, but we are here to help you and you are here to help us! Maybe there's good in you too! Together you and the corporation will have profitable and perpetual life for an infinite number of years! Have a corporate day!
