lee

A fool of the highest order. I am self deluded and intellectually vain. A cocky southern urchin with dreams of grandeur. I beleive myself to be(in no particlar order); a genius, a poet, a novelist, a wrestler/boxer, a jazz musician. My favourite way of describing myself is as a maverick. Nobody knows why. I span all genres. Badly. I hate animals but have the rare ability to talk to animals like a modern day Mowgli. I repeatedly squandered this gift by talking to them about Gary Numan. I sometimes sing to my pet snake, Ice Bastard, to soothe her while she sheds her skin. My hair is a huge and intricate production(there are up to 21 people working on it at any time). I preen myself and dress up like a Camden ponce. I dream of becoming a famous pop star like my idol, David Bowie. But in reality I cant sing or play an instrument. I have numerous business ventures around the world that I use as fronts for my shady operations. I deal in stolen antiquities, rare animals, women. Whatever pays. I am a fully qualified shaman and me and my mate Pete(who works in Dixons) have the power to exact voodoo vengeance on wrongdoers. But most of the time we just get stoned and listen to Chesney Hawkes. I can sometimes be a bit brash probably because of the brutal miltry upbringing I suffered. My mother was a soldier in Vietnam. You can usually find me lurking on the highway with an enormous green thumb and a terrifying box of secrets. Ive often been refered to as a pitiful cave dwelling P-Funk hermaphrodite because under my skirt I have a mangina. I have an imaginary friend called Charlie. He is the subject of my retarded youth and is made of a million pieces of old bubblegum.