My name is Rachel and I'm an alcoholic.and besides being an alcoholic, I drink beer for sport. I have three first place and 2 second place awards I won in the pitcher chugging match. I also have a trophy for most tequilla shots ever taken ;)I like snuggle bunnies, and LOVE an old fart named ERIC.....What else?? well....I'm the kind of girl who will keep slamming the fridge door until it shuts even though there is a box in the way. I figure if I slam it hard enough enough times then it will eventually close. That's not metaphorical. If I could be any animal I think I'd be a coffee bean or a gorilla with wings. Then I'd be like "Oh you climbed to the top of the Empire State building, Kong? I just freakin flew. Who's the king of the jungle now, bitch?" I hate chickens and turkeys, they terrify me. A lot of girls ask me where I buy my pants. I get too wound up and take things way too far. Even when I was a baby if you'd get me laughing hard enough I'd try to bite you. I like burritos. 6 months out of the year I'm chubby, the other half I'm pretty proportionate. I don't know why it happens. I have trouble controlling the volume of my voice and sometimes I sleep naked.. Hiking in the rain hits my G spot. I welcome every new day with open arms, even if I have to wash dishes or hang out with god mother or something shitty like that, because I know I can just listen to some good tunes and wear pajama bottoms doing it, and everything will be okay. I love my mom and pops, and I like to do gay shit to my friends even though it bugs the hell out of them, but I can't help it cause I think its funny . I'm sexually attracted to fire, and I'm better at teken 3 than anyone you've ever met, ask anyone. If I was a guy I would also have bigger balls than anyone else on earth. And no, that's not me just saying that to impress you, it's a scientific fact. Any of my homies will vouch. I hit on men who are wayyy too old for me because I think it's funny. I read a lot of true crime shit and I'm a closet hopeless romantic. I have a love/hate relationship with pants. I only swear a lot when I write, in real life, I'm very well-mannered. I mean, I can be. I might piss on your yard if you don't keep an eye on me. I can't pay attention to anything anyone is saying, because I'm too busy day dreaming about rolling down grassy hills and swinging on vines through a dinosaur infested jungle while wearing nothing but my black sock.
Well, that's me in a nut sack or is it sack of nut shells???.
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