Beer and Calculus Dont Mix: Dont Drink and Derive profile picture

Beer and Calculus Dont Mix: Dont Drink and Derive

About Me

I'm DOWN with anything you're UP to doing. I'll try OUT what's IN.
What Describes Me?
Who will win? YOU decide!

In the year 2007 I resolve to:
Never, under any circumstances, become a MySpace whore, ever.

Get your resolution here


4 View My BuddyProfile

Hello, My name is Kiddecussvadengaden Gitterdootenweinershoonsen Weinstien; I am a professional weightlifter from Yugoslavia, but I am currently living in the United States under a shorter and easier-to-pronounce name. I have won seven consecutive Yugoslavian Pig-Throwing Tournaments including the Olympus International and the Kardon Harman Weightlifting Tournament.
Although my native tongue is Russian, I speak fluent English (which i have been taking for twelve years) and some Japanese (which I have been taking for three years). When I am not competing or training for weightlifting tournaments, I enjoy crocheting and stamp collecting. Many people misjudge me when they see my pig-throwing skills, but in actuality, I am a kind, gentle person who enjoys fine arts and Earl Grey tea. To many people are unaware that the violent chucking of pigs that I do is only one side of my multi talented personality.
To expedite my pig-flinging skills, I took a six-week course at Cambridge University on aerodynamics and kinetics, passing the class with honors. This class fascinated me so much that I went on to get my bachelor's degree in aerodynamics and flight and am currently working on my masters. Many of my friends back in Yugoslavia ask me, "Why are you taking so many college courses if you make a very good salary of your pig-launching skills?" (Only they say it in Russian). I won't be young and fit forever. By the time I'm thirty or thirty-five, my weightlifting days would be over and I would need something to fall back on. I will continue you update this for your convenience and will tell you more about myself later.
~Kiddecussvadengaden


KIDDECUSSVADENGADEN
Kis forKind
Iis forIdeal
Dis forDreamy
Dis forDramatic
Eis forEbullient
Cis forConfused
Uis forUnreal
Sis forSavvy
Sis forSultry
Vis forVictorious Pig Thrower!
Ais forAmazing
Dis forDainty
Eis forEnjoyable
Nis forNatural
Gis forGutsy
Ais forAthletic
Dis forDevious
Eis forElitist
Nis forNerdy What Does Your Name Mean? Just so you know, this survey was made BEFORE I had ever had a girlfriend, but due to the time and effort I put into it, I would feel crushed to take it off, so please take it with a grain of salt twice a day for a week and call me in the morning.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Maxwell
Birthday: March 17 St. Patrick's Day I'd like to give a shout-out to my birthday buddies Melanie and Drew. Can I hear a Woot, Woot?
Birthplace: Hospital
Current Location: Secret Underground missile base somewhere outside Wyoming....or Wisconson....something with a "W"
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 5'6-ish, 7'4'' on stilts.
Right Handed or Left Handed: Left!
Your Heritage: Russian/Romainia/Polish/White/Band Nerd
The Shoes You Wore Today: New Balence....i think.....whichever one's have the big "N's" on them.
Your Weakness: If i told you that, i'd have to kill you.
Your Fears: People finding out my weekness.
Your Perfect Pizza: Onions, Mushrooms, Pepperoni, and Onions
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Don't die. Or get a girlfriend......Preferably both.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Wink Wind!
Thoughts First Waking Up: Where did the cheesy lesbians go...?
Your Best Physical Feature: None.....Don't torment me!
Your Bedtime: After homework and band.
Your Best Physical Feature: None.....Don't torment me!
Your Bedtime: After homework and band.
Left!
Your Heritage: Russian/Romainia/Polish/White/Band Nerd
The Shoes You Wore Today: New Balence....i think.....whichever one's have the big "N's" on them.
Your Weakness: If i told you that, i'd have to kill you.
Your Fears: People finding out my weekness.
Your Perfect Pizza: Onions, Mushrooms, Pepperoni, and Onions
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Don't die. Or get a girlfriend......Preferably both.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Wink Wind!
Thoughts First Waking Up: Where did the cheesy lesbians go...?
Your Best Physical Feature: None.....Don't torment me!
Your Bedtime: After homework and band.
Your Most Missedlt;td valign=top align=rightThoughts First Waking Up: Where did the cheesy lesbians go...?
Your Best Physical Feature: None.....Don't torment me!
Your Bedtime: After homework and band.
Your Most Missed Memory: (Insert sappy love story here)
Pepsi or Coke: Caffine!
McDonalds or Burger King: Ew.
Single or Group Dates: I'd be happy just to get a girlfriend, or go on a date for that matter.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Caffine!
Chocolate or Vanilla: They need to be more specific. Are we talking Ice cream? or Milk? or Taffy? or Cake? or Yogurt? or Putty?
Cappuccino or Coffee: Caffine!
Do you Smoke: Only when set on fire.
Do you Swear: Only when set on fire.
Do you Sing: Yeah, just not infront of people who know me.
Do you Shower Daily: Yeah! Do you doubt my clenlyness? Am I not sanitary? Do I smell bad?
Have you Been in Love: I haven't even had a girlfriend! Stop tormenting me!
Do you want to go to College: Yes, wouldn't you like to reach the epoch of sex, drugs, and parties?
Do you want to get Married: Yes, wouldn't you like to reach the epoch of not sex, more drugs (but differen't, more-proscribed ones), and dinner parties?
Do you belive in yourself: Is that like believing in God? In which case, yeah, I believe I exist.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Not too much.
Do you think you are Attractive: Do you?
Are you a Health Freak: I don't eat at McDonalds.....thats a start.....I'm gonna go eat a steak.
Do you get along with your Parents: Yeah, I'm still alive.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yeah, mostly because I don't live in Florida.
Do you play an Instrument: Hell yeah. Clarinet, flute, trumpet, marimba, alto clarinet, mellophone, 88 notes on the piano, and alto clarinet (the nerdiest instrument ever)! Clarinets rock! (This could probably be the reason I don't have a girlfriend)
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: (Drunken alchohol?)? Not as far as the cops know.
In the past month have you Smoked: No. Smoking is wrong. Drugs are bad. That's why I wear a red ribbon! Say no to drugs!
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Not as far as the cops know.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: STOP TORMENTING ME!!! I have not been on a date, i have not had a girlfriend, i have not been in love, i have not made out with a drunk teenager on a cruise to Alaska (though I know someone who has), STOP ASKING ME!!!!
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yes, yes i have. In the past month have you gone on a Date: STOP TORMENTING ME!!! I have not been on a date, i have not had a girlfriend, i have not been in love, i have not made out with a drunk teenager on a cruise to Alaska (though I know someone who has), STOP ASKING ME!!!!
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yes, yes i have.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: By "box" do you mean a hijacked Nabisco truck? In which case no......As far as the cops know.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No, but I'd like too......while on a date with a girl. Hint, hint. Nudge, nudge, wink wind...
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yes
In the past month have you been Dumped: I warned you....but did you listen....no.....you made a reference to my lack of girlfeindnessship......(insert insane maniacal rampage here) (Then, insert morphine shots)
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Not as far as the cops know.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: I took two samples from the same stand at Costco.
Ever been Drunk: Not as far as my parents know.
Ever been called a Tease: Who calls someone a tease? "Hey tease, get over here!" "Your Mom's a tease!"
Ever been Beaten up: No, thankfully, but if you tell that to anyone I'll kick your ass!
Ever Shoplifted: No, but I returnlifted once.
How do you want to Die: Very, very old....and preferably surrounded by beautiful women who think I'm the best thing since sliced bread.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A Man.
What country would you most like to Visit: Canada.....what's so funny?
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Not evil/without flames and sillhiettes of dying people while scary music plays.
Favourite Hair Color: Not dyed....or vibrant green.
Short or Long Hair: Not Bald.
Height: Above 2'2'', below 7'8''
Weight: Below "Reuben Studdard", above "Ashley Olsen"
Best Clothing Style: Not gothic.
Number of Drugs I have taken: Conventional or Illegal? Either way, alot.
Number of CDs I own: A few, which according to Webster's Dictionary is more than a couple but less than several.
Number of Piercings: Ow. None.
Number of Tattoos: I had one of bugs bunny, but it washed off.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: As far as most people know, 3. As far as David and I know, 4. I intend to keep it that way.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
I Believe
By Max
I Believe
Using
Cleverly placed spaces
In
Your writing
Can turn
The most trivial
Of sentences
Into
Magnificent modern poetry.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Anyone who admires me and looks past my misspellings.
John Williams
Alton Brown
A very generous person with a lot of free money
Jon Stewart
Dave Barry
Conan O'Brian
Larry David
Danny Elfman
Mel Brooks
YOU!!!

My Blog

What do I look like?

For those of you lucky sons of guns who saw my blog from who-knows-when consisting of when I searched "Max Needs" in google and put up the funny responses, this would be the sequal. One Man One Search...
Posted by on Thu, 02 Nov 2006 19:46:00 GMT

24 Hours

This past 24 hours (September 30 at 10am until October 1 at 10am) was arguably the most awesome 24 hours of my life! Why? I had a delicious omelet.I went to marching band.We played at the UCLA vs. Sta...
Posted by on Mon, 02 Oct 2006 20:14:00 GMT

525,600 II: The Nostalgia Strikes Back

Part Two:   This year was truly the first year that I felt like I really belonged at my high school.  I came into this year having the best group of friends anyone could ever ask for (you kn...
Posted by on Wed, 28 Jun 2006 00:55:00 GMT

525,600

Five hundred twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes, how do you measure, measure a year?   This past year, my sophomore year, has undoubtedly been one of the most influential in my entire...
Posted by on Thu, 22 Jun 2006 23:10:00 GMT

My New Years' Resolutions!

Well its officially 2006; time for some resolutions!   The way I see it, its better to make resolutions after the New Year starts than before it.  Or, in actuality, I only had time to get ...
Posted by on Sun, 01 Jan 2006 02:32:00 GMT

Opportunities

Hello Everyone!   Today I want to talk about an unsettling topic that to often is dismissed as a normal noun: opportunity.  Our lives are filled with opportunities, yet we neglect to see mo...
Posted by on Sat, 10 Dec 2005 01:35:00 GMT

Why I love SmarterChild

SmarterChild: Cool! Now we can chat.maxxclarinet: sup fool?SmarterChild: Who's Sup?maxxclarinet: sup is short for "what is up"SmarterChild: I don't believe short for what is up.maxxclarinet: "sup" is ...
Posted by on Wed, 23 Nov 2005 18:09:00 GMT

I'll have one kilt, some sex, and pants, please...

Ok, so apparently there was a myspace chain going around that asked people to put their name in quotes and then needs into google ("john jacob jingleheimer schmitt needs").  So I tried it and fou...
Posted by on Wed, 23 Nov 2005 09:05:00 GMT

Homecoming, Friends, and Tapeworms

Just as a heads up, I dont know if this is going to be a funny blog entry; Ill decide that as I write it.  The following is probably (I havent written it yet) going to be a compilation of my ...
Posted by on Sat, 15 Oct 2005 19:51:00 GMT

Why I hate stupid people.....

I have seen this post several times: Because you opened this letter, something good will happen to you at approximately 11:52pm. If you don't repost this you'll have bad luck for the next 1152 days. S...
Posted by on Fri, 19 Aug 2005 21:47:00 GMT