Hello louts!My illustrious name is Kefka Palazzo; humble villain from the renown and much loved RPG extraordinaire; Final Fantasy 6 (or final fantasy 3 if your a yank... or just too tired to count). Come now kiddies and I'll tell you a tale of daring and excitement... or at least of Square Soft's ubiquitous accumulation of wealth when they outsold any other game in history WOO WOO WOO! At any rate at the beginning of our story I was but a humble and mild mannered servant of an empire based out of an overly industrialized city named Vector. And like all good overly industrialized cities in Japanese video games there were certain individuals who wanted power and didn't mind crossing bio-ethical lines to get it. You see there was an ancient race of magically imbued monsters near our beloved Vector, known as Espers, and our city's leader, the beloved if not Machiavellian Emperor Ghestal thought that Espers should be rounded up like so many filthy unwashed children during a "civic renewal" campaign, and have their "magical" blood drained from their "magical" bodies to "magically" be shoved into battle robots and peoples skulls. Being the loyal subject that I was, no doubt I was the first volunteer be be surgically enhanced for the fore mentioned magical abilities. Of course since this is in fact a Japanese video game the surgery went HORRIBLY wrong and I went crazy, becoming extremely misanthropic and nihilistic. But no one knew that at the time except me... WOO WOO WOO!. At any rate the Empire made a classic bid for world domination, which of course in final fantasy tradition was undone by a thief, a body builder, and a dancing Moogle (a white and furry creature about 3 ft. high that seems to exist for the purpose of Japanese companies creating a line of book bags with said creature as the logo). Also before said world domination was put to an end I committed several of what the UN would label as "war crimes". I poisoned to death the entire population of a major city, I created the an entire factory dedicated to the enslavement/ slaughtering of the Espers all so their bodies could be drained of all magical properties and placed into weapons which came to be known as "magiteck weaponry". I also was responsible for the murder of my fellow Imperial work associate the goody "two-shoed" General Leo: a man who I killed out of spite and self amusement more than anything else... also he tried to stop me from murdering orphans... whatnot. Eventually to save the whole world domination scheme Ghestal and I found a sort of magical weapons cache in the form of the three petrified goddesses that created magic of course the first chance I got I drained the statues of their power, hit my boss with lightning! And since we were very high up; the statues were on some crazy floating continent, I then pushed him off said continent. After that I decided to move the statues, arranged in a sacred formation that kept the tectonic plates of the planet alighed, of course; out of order, causing the death and destruction of millions! I then set about to rearrange the planet as I saw fit. Started living at the top of an evil tower, blasting orphans with space lasers, and generally being a jerk WOO WOO WOO! Of course all good things must come to and end, and eventually in Square Soft fashion, I was of course defeated, not to mention "de-headed" by... thief, a body builder, and a dancing Moogle... and all before I could wipe out existence too.
Poop.Well, for rearranging the face of the planet, killing my boss, and generally causing destruction and mayhem on a scale nearly never seen before (or since) in video games, I didn't have a bad run. Some even say (including myself) that I'm the greatest video game villain there ever has been.I'm Kefka, and it's time for a little magicite mayhem!
OUCH!Time for a little snow-bound bloodshed.
Kefka action figure...?
..
What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page !
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
..
You have been marked on my profile map! Click to make your own visitor map. ">
