Carlos Mencia, so I could slit his throat with some sheers and go to jail on behalf of humanity. This would only be done if, a) I could take a pill to clear my guilt and b) if comedy central stopped airing Mind of Mencia reruns in honor of his death.
Update: After meeting with several industry renowned psychologists, it has been made very apparent that it is quite possible to slit Carlos Mencia's throat without feeling guilty.