diablo - ProfilesArchive

About Me

**I SUCK AT REPLYING TO EMAILS, BUT KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU.** I'm a writer/screenwriter/tree sloth. I wrote the book Candy Girl and the movie Juno , which starts shooting on Valentine's Day '07 and will be directed by by the stunning Jason Reitman. I also write for City Pages in Minneapolis and maintain a blog called The Pussy Ranch. I have no idea what's going on most of the time. I can probably be whatever you want me to be, since I am horribly mercurial and a chronic asskisser. I'm like that chick in Coming to America. "I like what you like. Your royal penis is clean!" I also like spicy tuna rolls (the edible and the euphemism), dogs, cats, all things Degrassi, Los Angeles, my Toyota Corolla, speedboats, and obnoxious status purses.

My Interests

Reading bad gossip rags, doing CRUNCHES AT THE GYM, Y'ALL!, vodka, animals, cumguzzling, domestic travel, abandoned amusement parks (really), restauranting, needless Sidekicking, feeding my internet addiction, theology, passing fads (I'm a total now-ist), tattoos, my awesome husband, fake hair. *NEW: Roller Coaster Tycoon 3, Barnabas my Techichi Soulmate. *NEW-NEW: cutting my own hair, popping Ativan, dry-humping.

I'd like to meet:

You, especially if you have coke.

Music:

"I wish I had a river I could skate away on."

Movies:

Nightmare on Elm Street 3, The Graduate, The Wizard of Oz, Brokeback Mountain, Rushmore, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Moonlight Mile, Not Another Teen Movie.

Television:

Degrassi, Mr. Show, Grey's Anatomy, South Park, SNL, Sex and the City reruns, late night softcore. I may or may not watch The L Word. *NEW: Entourage

Books:

Too many to count. I'm way hung up on Burt Reynolds' autobiography. I've read it at least 20 times. The new Chuck is gonna be badass.

Heroes:

Mason Novick

My Blog

MY SPAAAAACE!

I must rekindle my enthusiasm for the MySpace phenomenon.I'm all alone in Los Angeles, drinking Sophia Blanc-de-Blancs (or as I call it, Blankety-Blank) and reflecting on a day of hard work and swayin...
Posted by diablo on Wed, 13 Sep 2006 10:08:00 PST

Guess who's a MySpace asshole?

ME!I haven't been on in in a dog's age, and I haven't approved my friend requests and I haven't checked my messages, so...yeah.I still love you, girl. Please, baby, please, believe me.
Posted by diablo on Tue, 23 May 2006 08:46:00 PST

A lame-but-satisfying blog survey I stole

A - Available?: For partiesA - Age?: 27A - Annoyance: Chronic lateness. Show up on time or don't show, fuckwits.B - Best Friend?: George, my late catB - Bar: The Standard Hotel, poolsideB - Birthday?:...
Posted by diablo on Wed, 08 Mar 2006 11:17:00 PST

PSST! MySpace exclusive blog entry!

I thought I'd sneak one in here. It just seemed pitiful that my last entry was about window treatments and all. I swear, I don't masturbate to curtains. I do, however, masturbate to the image of Za...
Posted by diablo on Wed, 01 Mar 2006 11:23:00 PST

I have to stop with the window treatments

I put up new curtain rods today and they are more crooked than Shannen Doherty's eyes. If you agree, just look at me and say, "Yes." (I'm channeling Pat O'Brian today. God, you're so fucking hot...
Posted by diablo on Tue, 24 Jan 2006 01:25:00 PST

DUDE.

I already have friends! This rules. So I bought a Jack LaLanne Turbo Juicer. I spend every morning feeding fruits and veggies into its whirling steel eye. Then I drink the submolecular trickle ...
Posted by diablo on Mon, 09 Jan 2006 11:03:00 PST

MySpace is for the youth!

I've been informed that I have no choice but to start a MySpace page. Hoary old bloggers like myself who've been plugging away since the late '90s are frightened of this new friend-specific technology...
Posted by diablo on Mon, 09 Jan 2006 08:21:00 PST