ZE MUUUULE!!!

I'd like to meet:

James Hetfeild (obviously), david haselhoff ??. !!!
15 things you didn't know about the Hoff-

1. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
Hasselhoff allows to live. There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s
in David Hasselhoff. **** you, team.

2. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy *rap! That's
David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was
the third girl he had slept with.

3. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff
could use to kill you, including the room itself.

5. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes
corn needs to lie the fu*k down.

6. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get
wet. The water gets David.

7. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

8. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.

9. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists
entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

10. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching
his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of
his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

11. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun
and won.

12. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

13. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he
ate every last unicorn in existence.

14. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

15. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets
an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched
himself in the face.