They waste your time - why not waste theirs?
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WE'VE ALL seen the endless barrage of emails from Nigerian princes, bankers and barristers, all desperate to send us millions of US Dollars as part of some slightly unusual deal.
These emails come from scammers, fraudsters working to steal cash from innocent people. Many come from countries in West Africa, but others come from Europe, The United States or other parts of the world.
These criminals have no qualms about stealing from the elderly or the vulnerable, and will say anything to get their hands on your cash. Some pretend to be terminally ill, or children, in order to pull at the heartstrings of their victims.
Well, for anyone who has either been scammed, or is simply sick and tired of receiving these emails, we present your knight in shining armor! Chris Breaker is a regular guy, who decided one day that it was time to fight back against the scam artists.
The unlucky would-be thief who tried to get Chris Breaker involved in his latest scam soon found himself catapulted into the crazy world of the music industry, and dealing with a record company man who makes Simon Cowell look like a pussycat!
This book contains the actual emails and photographs which passed between the scammer and “scambaiterâ€, and you won't believe both the things the scammer tries, or the things the baiter gets him to do!
Using his talentless friends as fake singers, the scammer tries to steal money from WANK Records, but soon finds himself suffering embarrassment and humiliation as the unreasonable demands pile up.
This is a truly hilarious read, and makes a perfect vacation or coffee table book.
Note: This book is unsuitable for children, as it contains some strong language.
Exclusive excerpts from the book...
This excerpt came at a point when the scammer had decided that this was a big deal...
From: Shaka
To: William Shatner
Dear God sent friend, Celebrity William Shartner.
Thanks for taking the pain to write me all along. Please cooperate with me I will be loyal to you I now see the prospect of this Venture.
unfortunately my hands are quite tight for now otherwise I will not wait till you send me money, but don't send money only $500 five hundred pounds will be okay for me to start up, so I can move all over NIGERIA conveniently carrying out Audition with different Artist to enable us pick up the Best among all lots.
I pray give plight due consideration.
Thanks
Shaka
Now I don't know if this means his Internet searches have led him to Star Trek websites, and he now thinks that I am the William Shatner, or whether he's just seen the WANK Records website and is taken in by it. But something has lit a fire under his arse.
WANK Records call their employees WANKers, I told him...
From: Shaka
To: William Shatner
Dear Willian Shatner.
Of Course I want to be a full time wanker Covering up for Wank records for Africa.
I am most Grateful to God for opening this avenue for me. I am busy now in Ajegunl HUNTING FOR THESE TALENT.
God Bless You I remain Loyal to You And Wank Records 4 Life.
Shaka.
From: William Shatner
To: Shaka
Dear Shaka
Thank you for your emails. I think you have a good attitude to the idea of becoming our wanker in Nigeria. In fact, you could easily be the biggest wanker in the whole of Africa.
But what is this about waiting until Wednesday for the audition material now? You told me yesterday that I would be receiving this stuff today! Please explain what the delay is - I am a busy man and I cannot have my time wasted.
Cheers
William Shatner
Head of A&R
WANK Records
London
I explain the latest musical trend to Shaka.
From: William Shatner
To: Shaka
Dear Shaka
I hope that you had a pleasant Easter holiday. I had a party with some friends on Simon le Bon's yacht, it was most enjoyable.
I understand what happened with the email signed "Leo" - I do not quite understand why you sent it, calling me "uncle" and so on, it really did sound like it came from one of the kids rather than from you. But never mind, perhaps you were just drunk when you sent it.
I wonder if you have spoken to Black Gold yet. Please make sure that you are aware that it is a Nood artist that I wanted him to be, not a "nude" artist as you stated in your last mail. Being without clothes is part of Nood, but Nood does not mean "nude".
The word "Nood" is short for "No Other Distractions", and it refers to the removal of unnecessary clothing, flouncy production and dance routines to leave only a fierce and intensely angry man standing on a stage rapping and singing about what comes from his heart and soul. I saw my first Nood artist a few months ago and was almost moved to tears by the intensity of the performance. At the end of the set, the artist was lying on his side, just sobbing into the microphone and urinating onto the stage. It was incredible, and me and my companions needed several hours to recover from it.
That is what is needed from a Nood artist. Intensity, rage, power, anger, and total removal of any hang-ups about their body or what people think. Get me someone who can do that and I will be a very happy man. Are there any clubs where Nood acts play in your area?
Please get back to me with some news today, I also need to know what is happening with the other artists who insulted me. Are they apologising to me or not?
William Shatner
But by Easter, Shaka had been rendered penniless by organising countless international phone calls to my answering service, photo sessions and travel, and he was reduced to begging...
From: Shaka
To: William Shatner
Dear William Shatner.
I EXPERIENCED THE WORST EASTER IN MY LIFE, I SPENT ALL DAY AT HOME I TOOK SOME SLEEPING PILSS AND SLEPT OFF TILL THE NEXT DAY CO,S NO MONEY TO GO OUT.
PLEASE FOR YOUR INFORMATION I DO NOT AT ALL TAKE ALCHOHOL I WONDER WHY YOU ALWAYS ACUSE ME OF DRINKING.
THERE IS NO CLUB WHERE NOOD ACT PLAY IN MY AREA. WE ARE NOT YET AS CIVILISED AS THAT. BUT WITH OUR COPORATION AS PARTNERS IN THE NEAR FUTURE WE CAN INTRODUCE THAT INTO NIGERIA.
PLEASE SEND ME THE MONEY I REQUESTED TO MAKE A TRIPP TO WARRI TO MEET THIS NOOD ARTIST TOMMOROW. AND BESIDE THIS I WILL SEARCH FOR MORE NOOD ARTIST FOR YOU.
THANKS.
SHAKA
Later on in the adventure, Shaka loses his mind, his friends, and his dignity. But you'll have to get the book for the full version of this amazing true story...