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i was born "dimitri" in february 1994 in arizona and presented to my mom for her birthday that april by jackie dean ferguson jr. we moved to california so i could be closer to the ocean and i would fetch tennis balls through 6 foot high waves as far as the eye could see - i was quite a fetchingly handsome swimmer back then! we went on our first tour with some punk rock bands in a couple of smelly vans around the states and canada.. looking for good swimming holes all along the way. we moved to new york - and although it wasnt much good for swimming, i did like to vaccum the streets for all kinds of interesting stuff to eat - m'boy! .. and thats also where i met my good pals the trolley dodgers and became the "interplanetary meatloaf" and piled in another smelly van to tour down to the dirty south and hang out with the 'gators. we travelled even further east - and flew over to europa where we joined the cyclown circus -I as "King Fatto" because i was carried from land to land on a mobile throne that was pulled behind mom's bicycle! we completed our glorious quest to "middlefart" and continued on all throughout europe for the next three years on bicycles performing circus shows along the way - and that is how i developed my famous plate spinning act! during my 2nd year, i expanded my kingdumb when i knighted sir duke "fup duck" to be my sidekick and swimming partner throughout eastern europe. alas, we left the old country and came back to the homeland recently and found ourselves in the wreckage of that great city of nawlin's. and while i loved the hot jazz music and warm weather, i was not happy with the lack of swimming options and the toxicity levels in that city.. so we moved to sunny california - out deep into the hills where i could retire on a farm with my new friends - roo and clucky (my two favorite chickens), mama and smokey (the goats that try and headbutt me sometimes) and my new favorite sidekick and doppleganger - (the same age as me - and a black lab mix) - named "cyrus". and so we became the "grumpy grandpa's" (or the "G.G's" for short) together and rule over the hearts and minds of all that pass through "rise up farm". i just had my 13th birthday and i am quite happy being so close to the beach and a river that runs right by our land. i get to eat all the treats i can and life is grand.