Just a few serious things about me, before into the lighter side of Mario. I can't dress without a woman. My fasion sense is terrible. I enjoy Meterology, war history, and dinosaurs. I constantly expect people to treat me the way I would treat my friends, and I get very upset when it doesn't happen. I am still trying to put various pieces of my life in an order that makes me the happiest. I suck at doing laundry, and I'd rather sleep in a room that is very cold. I sleep with 6 pillows on my bed. I care way too much about people who do not care about me.Just putting it out there. I'm a 23 year old, disease free, partially funny guy. I can turn any normal situation into an awkward one. Don't believe me, talk to me for 10 minutes. I've made best friends, lost even better ones, and come to realize who my true friends are. I'm not much of a risk taker, unless you consider cage fighting risky, in which case I take risks every other Friday. I love the Lido Shuffle, hanging out with my friends, and being completely random. Some of my other favorite activities include listening to the Thong Song, four dollar pitchers, dollar beers, making fun of the entire New England area, finding waldo,dance parties, world war II history, field goal kickers, and the beach. My dislikes include long walks (you can just drive), the city of Omaha, tofu burgers, dudes who carry murses, popped collars,people who can only talk about themselves, and foreign field goal kickers. I love when people put their dislikes as stuff like "getting punched in the face, waiting in long lines, sitting in traffic, people who kick puppies, food that doesn't taste good, having to wake up early, etc". Really, you don't like that stuff? I couldn't tell, because everybody and their mother doesn't like that stuff. I find it funny when I see 8,000 people who have the same dislikes. Don't waste our time unless your dislikes are something that a lot of people don't dislike. See above for some examples. Black people and overweight chinese men love me (Can't figure it out). Yet single white women are indifferent towards me. I worry what people think about me, even though I shouldn't, and I have no self confidence even though I should. I'm very far from perfect. I have a hard time expressing my feelings, and I can be very selfish sometimes. These are all things I'm trying to change and work on. I'm just playing the cards I'm dealt. I've been going this way for 23 years and I haven't died or been arrested, even though that would be pretty bad ass. Although, I did end up in Panama somehow wearing a sombrero, a saved by the bell t shirt, and cut off jean shorts. Freaky! I try to joke around all the time. It probably gets me in a ton of crap, but it's worth it, even though very few people take me seriously. I'd rather be known as the guy who jokes around all the time then the douchebag who is a dick. I try to do the right thing all the time, even though I do the wrong thing a lot. I never try to hurt people's feelings, even though I do. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated.I hate Oprah Winfrey. Mainly because she introduced Dr. Phil to the world. I love Chinese food. My favorite American president is Franklin Roosevelt. I think Will Ferrel is the funniest dude ever. If I could meet one person who is dead, it would be Adolf Hitler, because I would just want to see if he is a jerk. I hate when dudes where their golf shirt collars up, especially when it is not cold out. If I could make one person live forever, it would be my dad. I think Homer Simpson is actually an excellent father. I think Peach Iced Tea is delicious. The best contribution wawa has made to this world is their Iced Tea. I think Boston Red Sox fans whine too much. I like the Red Sox, but Boston has had championships from the Bruins, Celtics, and Patriots. I love to eat watermelon. I hate when professional baseball players do not play fundamental baseball, i.e. moving base runners over. I think Barry Bonds is a fraud. I have a dream to be on Real World, but I do not think I'm good looking enough to be on the show. As a completely heterosexual guy I love wearing pink and shopping. I like rabbits. I once had one until she died. Her name was Snuggles. I love to tell jokes, even if they're not funny. If there is a bad situation, I will try to make it funny. I once used "So do you like the Eagles" as a way to start a convo with a girl. I have been told that it was both the best and worst pick up line ever.I only like pizza hut if it's buffet. I think the Domino's 5,5,5 deal is a tremendous offer. I only like appetizers if they're half priced. I have seasonal allergies, which really act up in May. I've seen the movie with honors about 36 times. I used to dance, but one time a girl who was desperate for a date told me to stop dancing because she claimed "she went to school with these people." I fear snakes, spiders, heights, and circuses. I like to watch 90210 on syndicated T.V. I often find myself calling girls "dude." I have the biggest crush on Jennifer Garner.Really cocky girls stink. I have used the term "dawg" before.I think Copa Banana is a fun place to eat. I have a large collection of hats. All of which I wear backwards. Once, I put the outer shell of a watermelon on my head and ran into a wall with it, sober. It didn't hurt.One time in high school, I went on a date with a girl on a Saturday night. Monday night, when I come home from baseball I find her at my house with 4 pet fish. That totally freaked me out, and you know what else freaked me out, the one fish ate the other 3 fish. What kind of message was that girl trying to send me? Needless to say, she didn't get the call back. I wonder what she's doing now. I find myself in love with Kelly Clarkson. For some reason it really turns me on that she has so many break up songs. The only thing I worry about is that she has so many break up songs, because she is so easy, and will put out to anybody, and you would think that would be a good thing, because you find yourself saying if she's easy, then she'll have no problem hooking up with you Mario. But, I think differently. I don't want an easy girl. Even if she is an extremely hot singer who won American Idol. I also enjoy seeing people I've hooked up with in the past and don't talk to anymore. I enjoy it because it's funny when you both say hi, and then neither of you have anything else to say to each other. Most likely because it is still awkward from the past hook up you had. I still hate Oprah Winfrey, and I hate her more because she thinks she's "Miss in shape" because she lost some weight. I've, on more than one instance have found myself in Target or Walmart, and I've sprayed Tag body spray on me. I was very disappointed because, unlike the commercial, no women jumped out at me and tried to tackle me. I'm a little mad about it, because I feel as if it was false advertisement. Oh well, I'll just keep tryng. I love reading people's away messages, even though I get so angry when I see that they have been on the computer for 8 straight days. Is it so hard to just sign off of instant messenger for the time you're actually not in your room? I've been in that awkward situation where I've said something to a girl, yet I fail to get a response. And, instead of just shutting my mouth, I just keep talkng. It's kinda funny. I also believe a person can do whatever they want as long as they have a beer in their hand. I've realized that every girl in this world has,at least, 18 black shirts. It's great when I'm out at night, and every girl has the same black shirt thing on with the giant red belt. It makes me laugh. I've had 4 people within the last 3 months make reference to my arm hair. Listen, I can't help the hand god dealt me genetically. I just signed the paper when I was born, and I'm playing with the cards I was given, lousy arm hair. You know what I don't get. When people call my cell phone and leave a voicemail that says "Hey call me back." Why would you do that? You are wasting my minutes plus, I can tell from the fact that I have a missed call from you that you want me to call you back. Also, if any of you know that girl who walked into the computer lab, which I doubt you will, but she totally melted my butter. Tell her I have a huge crush on her... Maybe you know her, which you probably don't, but still. Sometimes I wonder if God just picks someone and is like "You know what I'll make their life a total wreck today." You ever have one of those days where everything just goes wrong and wonder if it could be worse? Imagine if it is God just messing with you to have a little laugh. It doesn't even have to happen to me, it could happen to anyone. If God was like that, that would be totally cool, and I would definitely give him a high five for that. I'm a big war history buff,and if I could meet one famous General, it wouldn't be Ulysses S. Grant or Robert E. Lee. While you're reading this, try guessing who it is.It would be none other than General Tso. He is awesome. He is the best General ever. He makes the most delicious chicken. Most of you are probably thinking, well, what about Colonel Sanders? I would have to disagree, and add that General Tso would kick the Colonel's ass with some crazy Chinese Kung Fu ish. Ok, I know I haven't added anything in a while. So let me rant about Uggs. What the hell is up with those things. i've seen Uggs, and I wonder why girls and even some guys, yes, i've seen guys wearing them, would spend 150 bucks on those. DO you realize how ridiculous you look with your jeans, pants, spandex, or any sort of pant tucked into a pair of shoes like that. Also, what's the deal with wearing them in thet summer. They look like winter galoshes for christ sake. Every time i see uggs, i just want to vomit in my own mouth. I don't get girls sometimes. They always say "I would rather him tell me the truth then lie about it." However, when you tell them the truththey freak out, or don't handle it well at all. But, other times, when you tell a little white lie, they get all bent out of shape when they find out that you didn't tell the whole truth. I mean what do they expect. You tell them the truth and they freak out. It's a timeless problem. Especially when you aren't dating a girl but you have some of the benefits that friends don't have. All of a sudden, they hear that your tounge was in some other girls mouth and you didn't tell them the truth. No shit! why would i tell you the truth when you flip out all the time about the truth. This isn't about all girls, but this is just a reference to many life experiences myself and my friends have had happen to us. I think that when dudes put pictures of themself up on facebook or myspace where they have no shirt on is the funniest thing. They think they are buff as shit, so to show what they think they put a picture up of them with no shirt on. It's hilarious. It could be that I'm jealous that I don't have a well sculpted body to show off via facebook or myspace, but i think it's the funniest thing. It's sorta like the real world. I can't think of a time when I've watched any Real World episode and every dude has had their shirt on. 6 dudes could be at church, and at least 2 of them will end up with no shirt on. So, my advice to the dudes who put pictures up with no shirt on: Try out for Real World. You may fit the role, because you never have your shirt on, and that's what they are looking for. Ok, for once I'm putting something serious in here, well maybe not that serious. I seem to have been running into a lot of psycho girls lately. Well, mainly one. So, if you are not a psycho, and if you don't do crazy things and criticize everything I do, please feel free to talk to me. I'm a nice person, especially when you're nice to me. I find myself laughing to myself at the gym, because I see these dudes who dress up to go to the gym. They come in with their hair all spiked and their matching work out outfit, and then I think to myself, wow these guys care so much about working out that they actually get an outfit to match. Here I am in my 1993 Phillies NL pennant shirt, a pair of shorts with god knows how many mustard stains on it, and my hair all over the place because i didn't put any water on it when I woke up. Yet, I'm still baffled as to why I don't have a woman. I love going to bars that there are old women. If I'm ever having a bad day, or need my self-esteem boosted, I will try to go to a bar that has a moderate amount of 37-52 year old women there. Not only do they have no shame, but about every 37-52 year old woman who has talked to me at a bar has said I'm cute. I like those odds. So I can't figure out these dead sea hand soap people at the mall... They are just so weird and they actually make me feel like crap... I walk by 6 of them in the mall and each one of them is like "Let me ask you a question". So they ask their question, and it's always something that makes you feel poor. Like tonight they asked me "How much did you pay for your jacket?" Well I'm sorry Mr. Dead Sea hand soap rep guy who works at the mall, I can't afford a jacket that costs as much as a jacket someone who can afford to buy that crap would buy. Another one asked me how much my shoes were... They were $34.99... and you know what I love those shoes... They are very versatile. I can wear them with numerous pairs of pants, and I can wear them in social settings weather it's a bar, bbq, house party, or church. So whatever, I'll take my $34.99 shoes and not your stupid dead sea handwash crap.Yea, that's it, I hope that helps.
29 RANDOM THINGS PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU.
1. I don't know how to tie a tie
2. I love Kelly Clarkson
3. I am very shy
4. My favorite color is orange
5. I have been told I look like Charlie Brown
6. I'm scared of most things - heights, spiders, rejection, commitment, oceans, pools, circuses
7. I will try to make anybody laugh in any situation
8. I'm self concious about my arm hair
9. My favorite song of all time is Everlong by the Foo Fighters
10. Every morning my CD player wakes me up with the song "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson
11. My alarm clock is set for 6:32 A.M.
12. I had a rabbit htat lived for 10 years
13. I love dance parties
14. I usually give the thumbs up in every picture, even with family members
15. I want to have 6 kids
16. My shoe size is 13
17. I hate when people don't return phone calls
18. I always worry what people think about me
19. I will not deeper than my ankles in oceans, pools, etc. because I'm afraid I'm going to drown
20. I want to vacation in Iceland
21. I am the best drunk texter ever
22. My cars nickname is "the clit"
23. I asked Jack Black of Tenacious D to sign my ass once
24. I had scarlet fever once
25. Every year I put the outer shell of a watermelon on my head and do stupid stuff
26. I can't pee in a public bathroom if someone else is in there
27. I want to teach accounting when I'm older
28. I really do use the term "mcdreamy"
29. I love to mini golf
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