cream colored ponies and crisp apple struedels...black men with ED whose cocks droop like noodles...goat cheese and chai tea and listening to Sting...
these are a few of my favorite things!
Also high on the list...
* men who shower * sloppy joes * girls who are less pretty than me * crunk * peanut butter * pbr in the morning * crunk * grotesquely yet deliciously large portions of food * foghat * omelets * people who are not successful* hairless asian boys * days when i don't have to wear my fat pants * crunk * handjobs for $5 * foods with lots of fiber * riding the 150 * crunk * my little pony * fancipants * fornication * Project Runway * gravy * firm stools * kitten heels * recreational methamphetamine production * shoplifting * macrame *jenga * crunk ************************************************************
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In all honesty, I'm a pretty crappy person. I mean, I'm cute and all, but really, I'm just a bitch. Not good friend material at all. In fact, if you are currently a friend-please! I implore you! De-Friend me, NOW! (No, wait, no, don't really do that, my fragile self-esteem would be crushed much like the skull of my first puppy was under the wheels of my unwitting father's conversion van. Man, that day sure did suck.)
Yes, I am needy. I am also fantastically self-absorbed, neurotic, nervous, squeamish...with notoriously loose bowels. I think it's related to all those enemas my mom used to give me as a child. I am prone to angry outbursts, spontaneous crying jags, carving the Mr. Yuck face into my left thigh, pulling out my eyelashes, projectile vomiting, starch and cheese binges, more vomiting, staring blankly into space, itching, smelling faintly of garlic and fish sauce, communicating with the dead, talking with a fake British accent, stealing other women's husbands, knitting ugly scarves, seasoning with MSG, spontaneous Riverdancing, and screaming out loud just how much I hate you.
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I lie, cheat, steal, embezzle, engorge, indulge, erupt into jealous rages, spend way too much time staring at myself in the mirror, and buy a lot of cheap jewelry on QVC. It helps me look like a slut.
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On the weekends, I enjoy performing self-sodomization with a Hickory Farms Beef Log.********************************************************
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I fucking KICKASS at Jenga. And bake a mean apple pie. It spits at you and calls you really horrible names until you break down and cry just like the sorry little titty-baby you are.
Which South Park kid are you most like? Cartman
You are just plain evil and heartless. Though you're sly, and you come up with brilliant schemes, you..re pretty dumb and close minded. Other people hate you... screw them!
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