The Captain's Log

I was born after a night of unbridled gluttony and heavy drinking...the captain(shitbag), left me lying there like a miscarried fetus at a shanghai whorehouse...fuckin' bastard has no sense of responsibility whatsoever!!!...fortunately someone came along that realized my potential and spared me from the abyss...i have vowed to scour the seven seas and find this reluctant dr. frankenstein and crawl back up his ass and contaminate his colon with a puss emitting disease thus inhibiting his ability to sire any other unwanted offspring!!!...as such, during the interim i will endeavor to educate the general public on the benefits of proper diet and nutrition ultimately manifesting in spectacular, satisfying bowel movements...plus anal sex.