JEZEBEL IN HELL

BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT...
I think that the blogs over on The Great State of MANtana are some of the funniest shit I've ever read!
Harper Valley PTA was NOT, I repeat, NOT written just for me. I would never wear a mini skirt!!
I have, on occasion, been known to look delicious ;)
I'm pretty much a disaster... but I'm okay with that!
I haven't been on a date since... oh, 1993, or so. Given that it's NOT for lack of being asked, it'd take some serious work on your part. You might want to reconsider the overexertion involved lol. Unless, of course, you think I'm worth it!;)
My purty face? Far more interesting in the course of a business conversation than my boobs! "Excuse me, sir. Are these your eyes? I found them in my cleavage!"
My niece? She freakin' ROCKS!
I hate when people sing "Happy Birthday"... and I hate singing it. Meh.
When I was (much) younger... I dated guys who had better hair than me. Most of them wore more make-up than I did, too!
My first car was a Pinto. I crashed it, took it 4-wheeling, and ran it up the railroad tracks... often. It was still running like a charm the day I got rid of it!
When I was 3, I sucked my thumb. When I was 4, my grandfather showed me the stub where his thumb used to be and told me he had "worn" it off. That was the end of that!
I know who Lilith was... and I say "Damn right you were an equal! Who needs a garden with a pool anyway?"
I think my next tattoo is going to be a graveyard, on my left ankle. Is that weird?
On any given day, I'm probably a pretty horrible friend. I never return phone calls, or emails... and life as it is tends to get in the way of pretty much everything. On "those" days though, I think I might just be the best friend you could have...
I think it's funny when guys who wouldn't give me the time of day, oh, 25 years ago think I'm all that and a bag of chips now. What's the matter, the rest of the Class of '85 isn't aging all that well?
My sister calls me the "Grim Keeper." Makes me lmao every time. YOMANK, Patty!
I haven't had an actual vacation since 1994.
I have a thing for rings... and for polishing them when I'm stressed or bored.
I don't get mad easily, but when I do, it's very rarely pleasant. Luckily... it's usually over pretty quickly lol
I used to be a neat freak... then I had kids!
I think I'm having a midlife crisis... and that's not necessarily bad!
I once hit a dog with my car. He died. Do you think he'll be waiting for me in the afterworld to bite me in the ass? I'd certainly deserve it!
It annoys me that I can always remember all the words to "Existential Blues" or "Solla Sollew", but most of the time I can't remember what the hell I've gotten up to get!
I have too many movies... but I can't part with them... and I will surely buy more lol.
I have even more books. Can't part with them, either, and I will definitely buy more!
I love drunken karaoke... even the painful parts!
I hate when people say "I pledge of allegiance." There's no 'OF' in there... dumbass.
I hate when people tap dance around things. If you have something to say, say it already!
I hate when people forget to mention things... or 'accidentally' leave things out. Have you not noticed that it's noticeable? Or that, yup, I always know you've done it?
I am in love with little baby monkey feet... Rylie's little baby monkey feet!
Jezebel in Hell is not a religious reference. Sorry to disappoint the fanatics. It's a nod to Poe...
You should be absolutely sure you want to hear the answer before you ask me the question... because I very rarely, if ever, pull any punches. I will tell you the truth, and I will tell you where the cat died if necessary.
If you want me to dislike you... lie to me.
I find it incredibly endearing, and kind of sexy, when guys can laugh at themselves... like when they completely blow the punchline of a joke.
Life is not a struggle... it's a wiggle!
I currently have only 12 tattoos. Not the 20 something you think I do. That's because you don't know what goes with what lol.
Margarita's are my least favorite drink to make.
I sometimes, but not often, wish that I saw myself as other people see me. I can't comprehend the notion of sexy, witty, creative, or similar descriptive items pertaining to me. Is that strange?
If I had the means to do whatever I wanted... I would still work. Who wants to sit around all freakin' day being useless? Working makes having showerless, pajama wearing, ass-on-the-couch vegging days truly a thing of joy ;)
I want to buy a boat. I want to conquer the irrational, inexplicable fear that I have of the water.
I only drink wine. Cheap wine. I can't tell you if the latest beer on tap is yummy, or if a Twisted Windex is good. I am a bartender who doesn't drink beer or liquor. Sorry!
I hate crowds and I hate eating in restaurants.
I was once a proficient poet with tremendous aspirations... then I burned them all.
I have never cheated on a significant other. You'd be amazed how many people don't believe that.
Despite what you may think, I'm not the "one that got away". I might, however, be the one that was thrown away ;)
Am I cute? Maybe. Am I beautiful? No. Am I perfect? Abso-fucking-lutely NOT!
I find people who think that I'm stupid to be some of the most humorous and enjoyable individuals on the planet... and a remarkably cheap source of entertainment ;)
I could've been a rock star... if it weren't for the stagefright.
I've been bit by an ankle-biter, rat dog... except he missed my ankle and got my face.
I think in another life I was a hippie. You know, living in a compound with my grubby kids named Gliddy Gloop Glooby, Ooby Naba Nooby, and Starshine. Yea. That works.
I believe "single" people can be happy, content, and complete. Who decided "single" was a dirty word anyway? Who decided there HAS to be someone for everyone? Eh?
I think it's cool that women can think women are hot without anyone getting weirded out. Guys can't do that. Peta Wilson... very hot!
I think there is nothing more annoying in the realm of Myspace than people whose profiles are half a mile long... who don't know how to resize their things or organize their things or ever take any "things" OFF their pages... sheesh! I value too much that 20 minutes of my life it would take me to scroll to the bottom of your damn page... that's why I never visit :D
Lilacs have always been... and will always be... my favorite flower.
The sexiest parts of my body are my guts, my backbone, and my brain!
I think it's more than slightly bizarre that NH's "State Fruit" is a pumpkin... and who decided that pumpkins and tomatos are freakin' fruit anyway?
I had a Myspace account before my kid did
I don't have a favorite color
I hate fake people... and more than that I hate fake people who claim to hate fake people
I know that the 4th Fruit of the Loom guy is a fig leaf
My daughter knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop
I may have an ancestor whose last words were "More weight!"
I know why the co-pilot of the Enola Gay wrote "Oh my God" in his flight log.
I can recite "The Warriors" movie verbatim and with perfect timing while it's playing. I hear it's very annoying
I cry during chick flicks and laugh during scary ones
My favorite snack is peanut butter toast dunked in OJ (all together now... ewwwww!)
I know that a lobster is made up of 21 segments
I once got 40+ stitches... and have the scar to prove it
I still have the same nightmares I had when I was a kid
I have a website. It's awesome. You'll never see it!
I think Anthony Hopkins (Instinct-style) is sexy
I think Sam Elliot (Roadhouse-style) is sexy
I think Sean Connery (Medicine Man-style) is sexy
I know the 3 items above most likely creep you out!
I know all the words to "Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me)
I can swim like a fish, but I'm afraid of the water
I believe in ghosts
I believe in extra-terrestrials (really, how arrogant is it to think we're the only intelligent beings in the universe?
In the last 8 years I've won 5 awards... and taken credit for none of them
I laugh more than I cry
I forgive more than I forget
When I win the Powerball the first thing I'll buy is a German castle (with a ghost, of course!)
I have been on television (scary, eh?)
You'll never know whether any of this is true, will you?
;)