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I'm addicted to myspace. I'm a really fast reader. I get terrible hangovers. I'm talking awful. I'm way too oversensitive. I know a lot about coffee. A LOT. I never want a desk job. Is that weird? I am always late. Always. I used to feel bad, but I can't anymore - it's part of who I am, I guess. Sorry. I like meeting new people. I love being around people, but at home I prefer to be alone. It takes me forever to get comfortable when I go to bed. I don't really sleep well when someone's in bed with me...but that doesn't mean I like sleeping alone. Just get off of me when I'm trying to sleep, you know?
I like to pretend that when I put music on a jukebox, everyone in the bar loves it. I cry at almost every movie I watch and sometimes even commercials. I watch way too much tv. I don't know what glib means. I wish I knew/worked for celebrities. What is the big deal with Katie Couric anyways? I never understood the public's fascination with her. She talks to the camera as if she were talking to a 2 year old, and she has no upper lip. So she reads a teleprompter well. What does she want, an Oscar?
I have no will power. I can't dance. I hate excercising. I think I'm the only person I know who loves V8 juice. (Is it juice? More like a blended vegetable smoothie of deliciousness.) I still drink V8, eat spaghetti sauce, and munch on tomatoes as if they were apples despite the fact that if I even look at a tomato product I get instant painful heartburn. Hey, what can I say? I live on the edge, baby.
I don't get sunsets. They're pretty, but I'm a firm believer in "you've seen one, you've seen them all." Sometimes I feel like I'm a really stupid person. I'm a genius when it comes to pop culture, but ask me to name two countries that border Iraq, and I'd be stumped. I know more about Brangelina's kids than I do about the presidential candidates.
I know nothing about politics. Sometimes when I'm walking and listening to my Ipod, I pretend I'm in a movie or music video about my life. I'm really spoiled. I wish I had a sense of style. I have approximately 2947 "theme songs". I like people who used to be famous, like Bea Arthur and Steve Guttenberg. I'm a sucker for a good romantic comedy. I'm pretty good at impressions. My Meatwad impression is so good, it makes my friends uncomfortable. I go through a stick of chapstick in less than a week. I hate working. Anywhere.
I (heart) New York City. I would love to live there, even if it's only for a short time. I have all these dreams of traveling the world and visiting Italy and London and Spain...but it'll never happen because I'm too broke and unmotivated. And that makes me sad. The one thing I would love to do is take a European cruise...then you'd hit all of those places in one trip. Anyone wanna go?
I hate it when you ask for Dr. Pepper at a restaurant and the waitress says, "we don't have Dr. Pepper, but we have root beer." Listen lady, those two soda pops are NOT similar. That's like offering someone 7up when they ask for Pepsi. Asshole.
I also have a really cool little dog named George Michael, who I'm convinced is gay. He's only ever tried to get it on with other boy dogs. (and sometimes even boy cats.)
Other things I like - The color green, Applebee's, making fun of people, taking ugly pictures on my phone, V8, chapstick, scary movies, gay bars, Elmwood in the summertime, popcorn, Oprah, boys who are ugly sexy, being broke but still spending 15 bucks a week on fagmags, kittens, blue cheese, polka dots, karaoke, vanilla lattes, being ugly, stand up comedy, long drives, dreaming of tattoos I can't afford, Target, Marlboro Lights, eating mcdonalds at 4am, Dr. Pepper, my queer dancing bro, Italian food, weddings (other people's, preferably), Halloween, Ford Escapes, my pink Ipod, Preggo and her kids, Coinstar, Kraft Deluxe, Steve Carell, telling long stories, text messaging, soup, American Idol, calling everything queer/ugly, Conan OBrian, road trips, trailer parks, NYC, people on welfare, blue pens, Jager-bombs, Color Me Badd, the Sims, digital cable, Goobers, Britney Spears' downward spiral, hobos who ask for money to buy beer instead of some made up bus fare to Niagara Falls, Will Ferrel, drunk people, and my mom.
Some things I hate - Bike taxis, chippewa, drugs, huge crowds, people who can't have fun if they're not getting attention from the opposite sex, water, country music, pretentious people, whores, Jimmy Mac's, being hot, George W. Bush, bees, homophobes, liars, Oompa Loompas, war, Scarlett Johannson, soccer moms, lollipop bodies, deadbeat dads, muscles, David Letterman, people who refuse to clean up after themselves, people who don't drink, panic attacks, people who can't put their moodiness aside and have fun, people who insist on lecturing me everytime I light a cigarette, Rachel Ray, sweatpants, stores that don't carry fagmags, the ghetto, life size dolls (like My Buddy), seafood, the color brown, girls who choose boys over their friends, redneck jokes, people who work out or diet obsessively and act like they're better than me because I don't, cougars (the women, not the animals), people who tell stupid jokes, Janet Snyder, public speaking of any kind, girls who buy clothes in the kids department, people who spit huge loogies, girls who are incapable of being single for longer than 5 minutes, phony people, Kelly Ripa, clowns, girls who break my hula hoops, zits, Mariah Carey, flying, skinny jeans, drunk frat boys, onions, being broke, roller coasters, Mary Kunz Goldman, wind, and my fat face.
