Who is Ron Reno you ask? Ron Reno is not JUST sexy, Ron Reno IS sexy. Ron is the physical embodiment of sexy. The Prince of the Pelvic Thrust. The Sultan of Swingers. Born in the Devil’s fire, sent to quench the ladies desire, Ron Reno will take you higher. In the beginning there was no chicken, there was no egg, there was only Ron Reno. Then Ron Reno said, â€Let there be sexy†and there was. There is duality in the world for there is Ron Reno, and then there is everything else. Ron Reno is such a stud that Ron lost his virginity before his dad did. When Ron Reno was born, the nurse said, "Holy shit! That's Ron Reno!" Then she had sex with Ron. At that point in time she was the third woman that Ron had slept with. Shortly thereafter Ron grew his patented mustache, for only real men have a mustache. Ron Reno has recently changed his middle name to “Fuckingâ€, hence transcending even written language by being a noun and a verb at the same time. One time Ron Reno thrusted so hard that his pelvis broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Ron Reno is not hung like a horse...horses are hung like Ron Reno. Ron Reno can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". Ron Reno doesn't read books. Ron just stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Ron Reno has two speeds: Ultrasexy and Stop. Ron Reno sold his soul to the Devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled performance ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Ron Reno showed the Devil his pelvic thrust. The Devil was so stunned by how sexy Ron was, that Ron simply slapped the Devil in the face and took his soul back. The Devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Ron Reno is so hot that Ron can set ants on fire without a magnifying glass. Ron Reno is hotter than sunburn. There is no such thing as global warming. Ron Reno is so hot that Ron has increased the average global temperature by 2 degrees. Ron Reno is not lactose intolerant. Ron just refuses to put up with lactose's shit. Ron Reno has figured out Pi and it equals sexy. Ron Reno can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right. Ron Reno does not sleep. Ron waits. Ron Reno is all that and a bag of chips. People magazine was going to rename the Sexiest Man Alive Award to the Ron Reno Award. However Ron did not want his name besmirched with inferior levels of sexiness so Ron said no. Nobody says No to Ron Reno. Ron Reno says No to Nobodies. There wouldn’t be a billion people in China if it weren’t for Ron Reno (Ron loves the asian women). James Brown originally wrote the song “Sex Machine†about Ron Reno. Even Ron Reno’s piss is made of gold. Ron Reno recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. You know this beverage as Red Bull. To put it simply: Ron Reno IS sexy. Do you dare deny Ron Reno?
