The Goddess Dani

I'd like to meet:

If you are jobless, homeless, and have a drug addiction, don't bother. I want to meet people who are not easily offended or shocked, and can also carry on an intelligent conversation. I hate stupid people. Well read is a bonus, but not required.

OH! AND THIS GUY!

Recently my best friend from high school tracked me down after almost fifteen years. (God, can I really be that old?) She was just a freshman, 14, and I, a lofty sophomore and 16.

While catching up I revealed I was divorced, and she told me sadly that she was contemplating the same. We talked about the good old days, and the high drama played out around the various boyfriends we had at the time. We had it all planned out. After hours on the phone we hung up but I couldn't let it go. I remebered clearly the day we told each others future. She saw me with coffee in one hand, a cigarette in the other, and several little kids running around screaming while I calmly gossiped with the neighbor. I saw her married to some rich doctor or lawyer with a kid or two in piano or ballet. So where did we go wrong? I realized we didn't ask the right questions of the men we chose. The real nitty gritty, true to life, every day meaningful questions, that shape a relationship. We should all figure out these questions for ourselves, the following are mine.

1) Are you a tightwad, or a spender?

I like to shop, so I'm gonna need a man who can save his paycheck. Probably, should be good at budgeting as well, so that the bills get paid. I have a tendancy to blow my whole paycheck on shoes.

2.) Do you like tomatos?

Because I don't, and I need somebody who can snag them off my plate at dinner parties and eat them for me. There is nothing more embarrassing then telling somebody who made a huge beautiful dinner that you won't eat something they made, "cause it's gross." Picking it out draws too much attention, so I find it easier if I can have you eat them for me.

3.) Do you like crunchy or mushy french fries?

I like the mushy ones, and missed the day in kindergarten when they taught sharing. If you want fries, either eat the crunchy ones, or get your own.

4.) Would you rather be cold or hot?

I HATE TO BE COLD!!!! And I'm tired of dressing up like an Eskimo in the Antarctic, during a blizzard, just for love.

5.) Do you know how to dress yourself appropriatly for all occassions?

This means, wearing something other than your nice jeans and the tennis shoes without the holes in them to dinner with my boss.

6.) Are you a cat or dog person?

I'm a cat person. I have three. They aren't going anywhere. If I catch you doing anything mean to them I will do the samething to you, except when I do it, you will be sleeping, and naked. Don't get me wrong, I like dogs, my dad has two, and I love them, but I prefer cats. I have met two men in my life that were cat people, and they weren't gay, so I know such men exsist. I'm holding out for one, even if they are rare.

7.) Do you not like sex?

Everybody says they like it, because everybody does. It never crosses my mind to say," Hey, by the way, I like sex!" Of course I do, everybody does. My concern is if you don't like sex, then we have a problem, and that is something I need to know about. (For those of you who know my ex husband, you know why. ;) )

8.) Do you like to travel?

I'm not talknig about weekend camping trips. I'm talking about getting on a plane and going over a big amount of water to a place where they may not speak English. Because if you are one of those people who thinks there isn't anything outside of the USA to see, or you can't stand to sleep anywhere but in your own bed, then you can turn around and walk away now. Or rather, you stay here. I'll be in Europe.

9.) Are you jealous?

Because I'm not, and I won't tolerate it. It always drives me crazy; the first thing that guys say they are attracted to is my, "flirtatious" personality, but as soon as we make a commitment, it's also the first thing they want me to put away. Hello! You liked it a minute ago, and now you don't? Get over yourself! If I say I'm with you, than I am! But don't expect me to act different. You didn't see me getting huffy when you were checking out that buck toothed, bad hair, last season shoes, loppsided boob job, bimbo, did you?<

10.) Do you have a life?

Cause I do. It may not be much of one, but it takes 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and I don't have time to constantly entertain you. So, every now and then you are going to have to go play nice with your friends and leave me alone. This is the time for guy stuff, like working on cars, and all that male bonding shit, that I absolutely won't do. Please, do this stuff with your friends, and I promise I won't ask you to go with me when I spend my paycheck on shoes.

I think that summs it up. Those are my most basic needs for the perfect man, and I see now that hind sight really is 20/20. If only I had known then what I know now, and all the other equally appropriate cliches' that fit in here. I hope these help you to look deep within yourself and find the questions you need to ask before taking that long, long, long, long.......well, you get the picture.

FAVORITE QUOTES

Never explain;
Your friends don't need it, and
Your enemies won't believe it anyway.
Unknown

Find what you love,
And live what you find.
Unknown

The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next.
Mathew Arnold (1822-1888)

I love thee to to the depth, and bredth, and height my soul can reach.
Elizabeth Barrett-Browning